It's just a few days away to TwentyTen and I am both ecstatic and apprehensive. I am super excited that school is starting, this may sound a bit geek-ish, but I can't wait to get back to studying again and learning things that I love, but at the same time, I'm apprehensive cause when 2010 Jan comes, it would mean that I am exactly 4 weeks away from leaving. It is because I know, when the 5th Feb comes, I would be the one crying so badly.
I don't exactly know how things will be in Perth, whether I can find friends as awesome as the ones here. I know God will provide in all things and I'm going to try to carry this Godly confidence with me there. I need to, because I know, only with HIM, can I achieve.
Anyway, I'm in Taiwan now, I seriously love the weather! I love it cold! I somehow think that I was born in the wrong climate, given how much I love to layer my clothing. =) But I totally love how it is here, Mea's parents are awesome and super hospitable! I don't exactly like the traffic here though, kind of unruly! Oh well, I'll be spending New Year's at Hua Lian, don't know if there is any kind of celebration there or sorts.
As of now, shopping doesn't feel as shiok as Korea, I don't know if it's cause of the company, I can't exactly shop with reckless abandon with my second brother around! He can be quite a pain in the.. *ahem* when it comes to shopping. Food is actually quite interesting! I do appreciate Taiwanese food, but it can get quite "gelat", too much oil, quite a bit of cholesterol in everything and a serious lack of veg! But I love LOVE the fruits here! I'm looking forward to the next couple of days.. Even though, I must add, I miss doing something LOADS! I need to run!!! I NEEEDDDD to RUNNNNN!!!!! I think running has become more of an obsessive lifestyle rather than a habit. Oh Well.. I'll make up for this lack of when I'm back!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Silly random thoughts
Seven more weeks. I don't wish to count down, but I'm subconsciously counting weeks. My heart's a mess and I suppose it's only normal, I just feel slightly torn. I am truly excited to go, to live my dreams, study what I've always wanted to and strive as hard as I can to be an outstanding dentist in God's name. Yet there is a part of me that can't bear to go simply cause I'll miss the people in my life to bits.
For one, I know I will miss my girlfriends and my whole cell. I will miss the convenience of picking up the phone and dialing my girlfriend's number, talk to her about the little agonising things that life has put in my way, think about life together and updating her about my life. I will miss the late night chats with a dear friend and the smiles he puts on my face. I will miss the afternoons where I hang out in Orchard, waiting for my twinnie for lunch and keeping her company at the Shu counter. I will miss waking up on a Sunday morning and driving down to church, having lunch with the cell and bonding with them. Needless to say, I will definitely be homesick. I will miss my family, the warmth of kinship and the joy of family time, I will miss my dearest boy too!!
I've been listening to Taylor Swift's album, Fearless, there are two songs that I love, You Belong to Me and Teardrops on my guitar. If you take a closer look at the lyrics, you'll realise that at some point in time, that has happened to you, in one way or another. Especially You Belong to Me, it's about a girl who is a guy's best friend and how she is perfect for him, yet the only thing is that he is taken by a seemingly hot girl, but one who is totally wrong for him.
Here's part of the lyrics:
"She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me
Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know?
Baby, you belong with me, you belong with me
Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're 'bout to cry
And I know your favourite songs and you tell me 'bout your dreams
Think I know where you belong, think I know it's with me
Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me"
Life does seem to play a practical joke on us, don't you think? Sometimes you're just "the good friend" even though you think the person will be much happier when they are with you. Then you might find the right guy that seems perfect for you and yet it's the wrong time. Or the guy you thought you could spend the rest of your life with turns out to be the wrong guy. What happens then? I don't have an answer, as much as I wish for one.
When I find that guy who makes me laugh, where just the very thought of his voice and him puts a smile to my face, the guy who reads me like a book, looks beyond me and understands the very fundamentals that make me me. I hope when I find him, in God's time, he'll be ready for me just as I would be for him, all in Perfect timing.
For one, I know I will miss my girlfriends and my whole cell. I will miss the convenience of picking up the phone and dialing my girlfriend's number, talk to her about the little agonising things that life has put in my way, think about life together and updating her about my life. I will miss the late night chats with a dear friend and the smiles he puts on my face. I will miss the afternoons where I hang out in Orchard, waiting for my twinnie for lunch and keeping her company at the Shu counter. I will miss waking up on a Sunday morning and driving down to church, having lunch with the cell and bonding with them. Needless to say, I will definitely be homesick. I will miss my family, the warmth of kinship and the joy of family time, I will miss my dearest boy too!!
I've been listening to Taylor Swift's album, Fearless, there are two songs that I love, You Belong to Me and Teardrops on my guitar. If you take a closer look at the lyrics, you'll realise that at some point in time, that has happened to you, in one way or another. Especially You Belong to Me, it's about a girl who is a guy's best friend and how she is perfect for him, yet the only thing is that he is taken by a seemingly hot girl, but one who is totally wrong for him.
Here's part of the lyrics:
"She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me
Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know?
Baby, you belong with me, you belong with me
Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're 'bout to cry
And I know your favourite songs and you tell me 'bout your dreams
Think I know where you belong, think I know it's with me
Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me"
Life does seem to play a practical joke on us, don't you think? Sometimes you're just "the good friend" even though you think the person will be much happier when they are with you. Then you might find the right guy that seems perfect for you and yet it's the wrong time. Or the guy you thought you could spend the rest of your life with turns out to be the wrong guy. What happens then? I don't have an answer, as much as I wish for one.
When I find that guy who makes me laugh, where just the very thought of his voice and him puts a smile to my face, the guy who reads me like a book, looks beyond me and understands the very fundamentals that make me me. I hope when I find him, in God's time, he'll be ready for me just as I would be for him, all in Perfect timing.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Random thoughts on a sleepless night
I don't know why I'm not sleeping yet, but there are just so many thoughts running through my mind that I can barely sleep, and well.. I kinda pulled my lower back muscle, so having that bit of pain while I lie flat. Anyway, that's of no importance at all, I just probably have a bit more time to think about things and life in general. The purpose of life to be exact.
Do we actually know what our purpose on earth is? What we are supposed to do with our life? As Christians, we call this purpose our calling. I thank God that He has in some way given me a clearer picture of what He wants me to do, even though these things are still quite premature but I'm glad He has given me a focus in life and a drive and motivation that will carry me through the next five years. But what happens to those who never find their calling? Or rather, they never find something that they truly love to do. What then happens to them?
Is life just about working hard and earning your keep, buying a house, starting a family and working even harder? What I know is that Life definitely isn't and shouldn't be a constant pursuit of material wants. Even though I know many girls who work really hard to earn enough money for the next designer handbag or would do anything for money just to enjoy this sense of material satisfaction and luxury.
All that I have in mind is that Life should be a walk with Christ. It is one where your purpose is known and you set your heart and mind to achieve it, not for your personal glory but for the glory of God. Life is about believing that God knows best and giving Him full control. As easy as this may sound, it is something that many Christians, myself included, struggle to constantly do. But I know even through these humanly struggles of life, God is never absent and always present. I commit my life to living a life that is pleasing to Him, one that will glorify Him.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Wrapping up 2009
As 2009 comes to an end, I carry with me a bag of varying emotions. This year holds many special moments for me and many firsts in my life. I cannot help but feel like I've grown up, I've lost every ounce of child-likeness in me (if there was any to begin with) but above all that, I feel ready to face whatever reality and the future has for me. Well.. When God is with me, who can be against me! =)
This year started off as one that I wasn't looking forward to. I didn't even feel like celebrating my birthday, simply because I couldn't find anything in my life that was worth celebrating (I was wrong). I wasn't looking forward to graduation, because I didn't want to face the harsh reality of getting rejected by NUS dentistry, AGAIN. Neither was I that excited about my plan B, C and D's if I couldn't study dentistry overseas. To be honest, I was pretty much disheartened, because this journey to live my dreams has been a very very VERY long drawn one, my girlfriends see my agony.
Then feb came and gone, and I realised, that as much as I didn't want to celebrate my birthday, my family and relatives did and at that moment, I realised that if there is one thing in my life that is worth celebrating, it's the Love. I am one truly blessed child to be so loved.
A few months later, exams. This year, unlike the last few, was very different. I suppose I finally understood what it meant to give God all control and living with Godly confidence. I was surprisingly calm through my exams, despite me feeling the least prepared.
In the midst of all that, I celebrated Barrack Obama's win! I was over the moon and it may sound cliche, but his presidency gave me hope for dentistry. Really. The run for presidency was one that I actually paid attention to, Hillary Clinton gave the big boys a good run for their money, even though she didn't reach the final goal, her journey was definitely an inspiration to many women, one that was very empowering.
Of course, we cannot forget H1N1, the many natural disasters and the crashing of the economy. These took the lives of many, it gave us a huge awakening that we, as man, are still very vulnerable and as much as we would like disagree, we are not in control of many things. I grieved for the families that lost their loved ones, children who have been orphaned, I cried when I saw the broken homes but was even more touched by love and the magnanimity of the human spirit. This year has indeed been a ride.
Even though I have to say, that we, as Singaporeans are very much sheltered from these. We have been very fortunate to enjoy the luxuries and comforts of life to the point where I think some of us have become ignorant and naive. For starts, to think that we are out of the economic crisis and that the market is becoming bullish. Is BULL indeed. We have become a generation, or rather, majority of this generation, has morphed into one that is incompetent, complaining, indecisive and unrealistic. I know this may sound harsh, but if you look around you, you'll see what I mean. Like I previously mentioned, I completely MOCK the idea of "Quarter life crisis". Get a life!
On a much lighter note, 2009 holds many precious memories for me. My first night out with the girls at the chalet, my first time cycling, my first time to Korea and Perth, the first time joining a cell group and most of all, the thing I cherish the most, would be the awesome friends that I have made and the fantastic relationships that I have forged. Some, albeit our short acquaintance have become people that I will treasure for life (you know who you are) and my girlfriends and guys alike, are people that I have grown to so dearly love.
Above all that, I celebrate 2009. I celebrate hope, faith and fulfilment, not by my own effort, but my Lord's. His promises and His truth, I give Him all glory and praise! My perseverance and persistence played a minor role in me getting into dentistry, if you ask me, Faith and His promise took the major role. I cannot thank the Lord enough for His messages, His faithfulness and His Grace. In His time, He unveiled His plans for me, and in His plans, He drew me close to Him and showed me the way. His grace is indeed amazing.
I end 2009 with a joyful heart, one that bears hope for the future, one that will wait upon the Lord and one that will grow in Him. I now welcome 2010 and the new beginning and adventures that will come with it because I know that God is in control!
This year started off as one that I wasn't looking forward to. I didn't even feel like celebrating my birthday, simply because I couldn't find anything in my life that was worth celebrating (I was wrong). I wasn't looking forward to graduation, because I didn't want to face the harsh reality of getting rejected by NUS dentistry, AGAIN. Neither was I that excited about my plan B, C and D's if I couldn't study dentistry overseas. To be honest, I was pretty much disheartened, because this journey to live my dreams has been a very very VERY long drawn one, my girlfriends see my agony.
Then feb came and gone, and I realised, that as much as I didn't want to celebrate my birthday, my family and relatives did and at that moment, I realised that if there is one thing in my life that is worth celebrating, it's the Love. I am one truly blessed child to be so loved.
A few months later, exams. This year, unlike the last few, was very different. I suppose I finally understood what it meant to give God all control and living with Godly confidence. I was surprisingly calm through my exams, despite me feeling the least prepared.
In the midst of all that, I celebrated Barrack Obama's win! I was over the moon and it may sound cliche, but his presidency gave me hope for dentistry. Really. The run for presidency was one that I actually paid attention to, Hillary Clinton gave the big boys a good run for their money, even though she didn't reach the final goal, her journey was definitely an inspiration to many women, one that was very empowering.
Of course, we cannot forget H1N1, the many natural disasters and the crashing of the economy. These took the lives of many, it gave us a huge awakening that we, as man, are still very vulnerable and as much as we would like disagree, we are not in control of many things. I grieved for the families that lost their loved ones, children who have been orphaned, I cried when I saw the broken homes but was even more touched by love and the magnanimity of the human spirit. This year has indeed been a ride.
Even though I have to say, that we, as Singaporeans are very much sheltered from these. We have been very fortunate to enjoy the luxuries and comforts of life to the point where I think some of us have become ignorant and naive. For starts, to think that we are out of the economic crisis and that the market is becoming bullish. Is BULL indeed. We have become a generation, or rather, majority of this generation, has morphed into one that is incompetent, complaining, indecisive and unrealistic. I know this may sound harsh, but if you look around you, you'll see what I mean. Like I previously mentioned, I completely MOCK the idea of "Quarter life crisis". Get a life!
On a much lighter note, 2009 holds many precious memories for me. My first night out with the girls at the chalet, my first time cycling, my first time to Korea and Perth, the first time joining a cell group and most of all, the thing I cherish the most, would be the awesome friends that I have made and the fantastic relationships that I have forged. Some, albeit our short acquaintance have become people that I will treasure for life (you know who you are) and my girlfriends and guys alike, are people that I have grown to so dearly love.
Above all that, I celebrate 2009. I celebrate hope, faith and fulfilment, not by my own effort, but my Lord's. His promises and His truth, I give Him all glory and praise! My perseverance and persistence played a minor role in me getting into dentistry, if you ask me, Faith and His promise took the major role. I cannot thank the Lord enough for His messages, His faithfulness and His Grace. In His time, He unveiled His plans for me, and in His plans, He drew me close to Him and showed me the way. His grace is indeed amazing.
I end 2009 with a joyful heart, one that bears hope for the future, one that will wait upon the Lord and one that will grow in Him. I now welcome 2010 and the new beginning and adventures that will come with it because I know that God is in control!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
The girl in white
The girl, all dressed in white, in all glory and beauty, glowing from deep within.
When the music plays, we turn our heads, stand and give her our fullest attention.
Hand on her father's arms, walking down the aisle, towards the man she's going to spend the rest of her life with.
His eyes, oh his eyes.. filled with her image, completely mesmerised by her beauty, by her grace, filled with the yearning of spending the rest of his life with her.
They exchange their vows, "in sickness and in health, till death do us apart". They bind their love with the exchange of rings, signifying the eternity of their love, the entwining of their beings, their souls and their life. They are one.
That's what I love about weddings. I cannot help but tear each time I hear the vows because as "cliche" as it may be, as long as it is said with all sincerity and the longing of spending the rest of their lives together, it can be the most powerful proclamation of love. How many people can do just that? In sickness and in health. In poverty and in riches.
I always wonder, do people just take a vow because it is part of the routine, or because they know they will hold true to their promises?
In this day and age where skirts are getting shorter, pants falling faster and morals looser, how many people actually live by their vows? The vow of fidelity, of loyalty and of love. The rising divorce rates is a clear example of the dilution of the sanctity of marriage. It is hard to believe in the institution of marriage when societal norms degrade the value of it. When the media portrays marriage to be a time of heeheehaha and when the going gets tough, it's to the lawyers they go.
That's just something that I cannot get. Why can't people understand that Love, true love requires effort, conscious effort and hard work. It's easy to feel passionate about someone, but to keep that passion going requires more than just, "a spark" or "feel". It's about loving the person the way he/she wants to be loved. Not just showing love the way you like it, but the way the other person relates to it. It is about compromise, about giving and taking, it is about communication, tolerance and above all that, it is about Love. Loving the way the person talks, the way person looks in the morning, the little habits, the way the person walks, wrinkles his/her nose, the way you feel complete when you look into each others eyes, the way he/she completes your sentences, reads you like a book and the way your fingers fit like a glove. Why do people not realise and not see these? The initial things that made them fall in love with one another.
I may not have been in a relationship long enough to understand, but I believe I'm someone who'll put in a conscious effort to let my other half know just how important his presence is in my life.
Many girls may not agree with my train of thought, but I do believe men and women play specific roles and some boundaries should never be crossed. For one, men should NEVER be house husbands. Men should take up the responsibility of the household, of bringing home the bacon and as much as women would like to argue, (that said, I have to say that I do believe in a woman's capabilities and abilities and am very sure that we can achieve as much), BUT, I believe women should focus more on being the nurturer of the family. You can work but don't make climbing the corporate ladder the main focus. Again, I know many girls will be shaking their heads when they read this, but that's just what I think.
When the day comes for me to be the girl in white, I wish I will walk down the aisle with my vow in hand, to tell my special someone, "If I had the chance to live my life again, I'd live it the exact same way simply because you're in it, I want to spend every living moment knowing that I will be walking down the aisle into your arms and spend the rest of my days growing old with you. Even as life gets routine, boring and tough, it's worth living because I'm living it with you, because you, complete me." I hope that in time to come, I'd find this special person that I'm looking for, this special someone who I'll pace my heart to, whose very presence makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. Till then.. I'm keeping my heart for him.
When the music plays, we turn our heads, stand and give her our fullest attention.
Hand on her father's arms, walking down the aisle, towards the man she's going to spend the rest of her life with.
His eyes, oh his eyes.. filled with her image, completely mesmerised by her beauty, by her grace, filled with the yearning of spending the rest of his life with her.
They exchange their vows, "in sickness and in health, till death do us apart". They bind their love with the exchange of rings, signifying the eternity of their love, the entwining of their beings, their souls and their life. They are one.
That's what I love about weddings. I cannot help but tear each time I hear the vows because as "cliche" as it may be, as long as it is said with all sincerity and the longing of spending the rest of their lives together, it can be the most powerful proclamation of love. How many people can do just that? In sickness and in health. In poverty and in riches.
I always wonder, do people just take a vow because it is part of the routine, or because they know they will hold true to their promises?
In this day and age where skirts are getting shorter, pants falling faster and morals looser, how many people actually live by their vows? The vow of fidelity, of loyalty and of love. The rising divorce rates is a clear example of the dilution of the sanctity of marriage. It is hard to believe in the institution of marriage when societal norms degrade the value of it. When the media portrays marriage to be a time of heeheehaha and when the going gets tough, it's to the lawyers they go.
That's just something that I cannot get. Why can't people understand that Love, true love requires effort, conscious effort and hard work. It's easy to feel passionate about someone, but to keep that passion going requires more than just, "a spark" or "feel". It's about loving the person the way he/she wants to be loved. Not just showing love the way you like it, but the way the other person relates to it. It is about compromise, about giving and taking, it is about communication, tolerance and above all that, it is about Love. Loving the way the person talks, the way person looks in the morning, the little habits, the way the person walks, wrinkles his/her nose, the way you feel complete when you look into each others eyes, the way he/she completes your sentences, reads you like a book and the way your fingers fit like a glove. Why do people not realise and not see these? The initial things that made them fall in love with one another.
I may not have been in a relationship long enough to understand, but I believe I'm someone who'll put in a conscious effort to let my other half know just how important his presence is in my life.
Many girls may not agree with my train of thought, but I do believe men and women play specific roles and some boundaries should never be crossed. For one, men should NEVER be house husbands. Men should take up the responsibility of the household, of bringing home the bacon and as much as women would like to argue, (that said, I have to say that I do believe in a woman's capabilities and abilities and am very sure that we can achieve as much), BUT, I believe women should focus more on being the nurturer of the family. You can work but don't make climbing the corporate ladder the main focus. Again, I know many girls will be shaking their heads when they read this, but that's just what I think.
When the day comes for me to be the girl in white, I wish I will walk down the aisle with my vow in hand, to tell my special someone, "If I had the chance to live my life again, I'd live it the exact same way simply because you're in it, I want to spend every living moment knowing that I will be walking down the aisle into your arms and spend the rest of my days growing old with you. Even as life gets routine, boring and tough, it's worth living because I'm living it with you, because you, complete me." I hope that in time to come, I'd find this special person that I'm looking for, this special someone who I'll pace my heart to, whose very presence makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. Till then.. I'm keeping my heart for him.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Life's contradictions
There's a line from a song that keeps playing in my head.. "I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again.." Ok. I do know when I'll be back, but I've been preparing myself for Perth. There are many things that I can't bear to leave behind but have to, there are people whom I'll so dearly miss for months on ends before I'll see them again. That's going to be the case for the next couple of years, five years to be exact.
Five years. It isn't an absurdly long time, neither is it short, but I'll be away for five years. I'll miss five new years, five birthdays and five.. a lot more. All these I knew I had to give up so that I can live my dream, so that I can live my life living my dreams. I'm sure it will all be worth it.
Things are different now that I'm leaving, emotions are different too. Like how I cherish every moment with my friends, making the best of meeting new friends and trying to keep every memory fresh in my heart.
That aside, I was just chatting with a friend and I was just reminded of how male-ish my way of thinking is. In the form of crisis management and even dealing with interpersonal relationships. I somehow just won't over-think things, unless I'm being influenced by many girls! haha. I don't exactly know if it's a good or bad thing. But on the other hand, I've got people telling me that I'm not boyish at all.. Which I actually feel quite happy hearing BUT I don't know if it is said out of sympathy or sincerity. Being more domestic and loving cooking, baking and needlework doesn't define femininity. I think.
Oh well.. Don't worry, I know very well that I'm female, just can't establish whether I'm more masculine or more, as my guy friend puts it, xiao nu ren. I am a girl of many contradictions.
Five years. It isn't an absurdly long time, neither is it short, but I'll be away for five years. I'll miss five new years, five birthdays and five.. a lot more. All these I knew I had to give up so that I can live my dream, so that I can live my life living my dreams. I'm sure it will all be worth it.
Things are different now that I'm leaving, emotions are different too. Like how I cherish every moment with my friends, making the best of meeting new friends and trying to keep every memory fresh in my heart.
That aside, I was just chatting with a friend and I was just reminded of how male-ish my way of thinking is. In the form of crisis management and even dealing with interpersonal relationships. I somehow just won't over-think things, unless I'm being influenced by many girls! haha. I don't exactly know if it's a good or bad thing. But on the other hand, I've got people telling me that I'm not boyish at all.. Which I actually feel quite happy hearing BUT I don't know if it is said out of sympathy or sincerity. Being more domestic and loving cooking, baking and needlework doesn't define femininity. I think.
Oh well.. Don't worry, I know very well that I'm female, just can't establish whether I'm more masculine or more, as my guy friend puts it, xiao nu ren. I am a girl of many contradictions.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Life as it is
Haven't actually posted anything recently, well, it's not because there's nothing to write, but there's so much to that I don't even know where to begin! Life has been awesome and God has been Great! For starters, the holidays to Seoul and Perth were very enjoyable. Was super shutter happy and well.. Shopping and all that was great!
Perth.. What can I say about Perth?! The place I'm going to have to call my second home for the next few years.. Well.. It's beyond beautiful! My campus is so so beautiful! Just imagine something like the Harry Potter "castle" look-a-like.. Just more vibrant and bright! I got accepted into St Cats, which is pretty amazing, given the fact that they are super strict about who they pick! =) Praise the Lord.
Other than that, I have been meeting up with my girls, some were impromptu meetings that were so coincidental, but I enjoyed all of it! I'm looking forward to more of them before I fly off. My cell group mates have been superbly awesome as well.. I really thank God for blessing my life with them! Had a potluck at my place not long ago and I totally enjoyed it! Great food and even better company!
Well.. there's a lot more, but I suppose the only thing that bugged me for the past month was the phrase "Quarter Life Crisis". I was at Alpha one night and someone brought it up.. Me, being the ever so cynical me, just said "It's ridiculous la" and of course.. I wasn't let off so easily. So I asked.. What constitutes a quarter life crisis? and I got answers like.. "Don't know if they want to hang on to their job for the rest of their lives", "don't know if that's what they like to do", "relationship problems" and "don't know if they want to get married," and so on... you get the gist.
TELL ME.. is this not ridiculous or what! How can anyone call that a crisis, for starts, I think we haven't even lived enough to even know what a crisis is, much less be in one! These things are just situations, life's little problems and they will only become a crisis if you let them rein over you! If you dwell on them too long and let it take over your thoughts. Seriously.. I will knock sense into my friends if they ever tell me that they are going through that! Look.. there are people our age who have trouble finding three meals a day, people who have lost their family and homes in natural disasters, people whose life are so uncertain that they don't even know if they'll be able to wake up the next morning to see the day break.. I give it to them if they say their life is in a crisis. BUT US? Crisis? You got to be kidding me.
The only reason why we will say that is because we have been too privileged and too comfortable with life. We have been given the luxury of choice, of freedom and comforts.. So much so that we forget the simple truth that people had to sacrifice so that we can enjoy what we have and that generation, our parents and our grandparents, didn't complain of a crisis. They lived with what they had and made the best of it.. They didn't complain when they had a job, even when it was hard labour, yet, when we have a comfortable job, in the comforts of an air conditioned room, we complain that it's too hard, we're not paid ENOUGH for what we do.. Question is.. what is enough?
Yes yes.. I haven't "worked" so I'm in no position to comment.. Sure. But at least I'm mature enough to understand that life doesn't come easy, luxury doesn't come without hard work and that you have to work for your pay. At least I won't mope and blame life and run away from problems, naming it a crisis and running to "friends" who will encourage me to acknowledge that my life is in a crisis. These "friends" shouldn't be kept AT ALL. Is our generation so weak and so feeble? So incapable of enduring hardships and pushing their limits? A generation that gives up without a fight, one that runs when the going gets tough? I seriously don't know.
Well.. Apart from that, another thought that has been going through my mind is that I'm quite an oddy.. haha. Yes.. i seriously think that there's something wrong with me.. my biological clock seems to be ticking quite prematurely. The thoughts of settling down, (even when I don't have anyone to settle down with), are just occasionally popping into my head. It's not just the getting married part, but the wanting to have kids and all that that scares me. I should not be thinking about all that when I'm 22! I'm far too young!!!! Oh well.. i don't really know if it's a good or bad thing.. but we'll see where the Lord takes me and see what He has planned for me, I'm sure it'll be a lot better than what I have expected!
Anyway.. this is a shout out to people of this generation! "Toughen up and get on with life.. It doesn't wait for you!"
Perth.. What can I say about Perth?! The place I'm going to have to call my second home for the next few years.. Well.. It's beyond beautiful! My campus is so so beautiful! Just imagine something like the Harry Potter "castle" look-a-like.. Just more vibrant and bright! I got accepted into St Cats, which is pretty amazing, given the fact that they are super strict about who they pick! =) Praise the Lord.
Other than that, I have been meeting up with my girls, some were impromptu meetings that were so coincidental, but I enjoyed all of it! I'm looking forward to more of them before I fly off. My cell group mates have been superbly awesome as well.. I really thank God for blessing my life with them! Had a potluck at my place not long ago and I totally enjoyed it! Great food and even better company!
Well.. there's a lot more, but I suppose the only thing that bugged me for the past month was the phrase "Quarter Life Crisis". I was at Alpha one night and someone brought it up.. Me, being the ever so cynical me, just said "It's ridiculous la" and of course.. I wasn't let off so easily. So I asked.. What constitutes a quarter life crisis? and I got answers like.. "Don't know if they want to hang on to their job for the rest of their lives", "don't know if that's what they like to do", "relationship problems" and "don't know if they want to get married," and so on... you get the gist.
TELL ME.. is this not ridiculous or what! How can anyone call that a crisis, for starts, I think we haven't even lived enough to even know what a crisis is, much less be in one! These things are just situations, life's little problems and they will only become a crisis if you let them rein over you! If you dwell on them too long and let it take over your thoughts. Seriously.. I will knock sense into my friends if they ever tell me that they are going through that! Look.. there are people our age who have trouble finding three meals a day, people who have lost their family and homes in natural disasters, people whose life are so uncertain that they don't even know if they'll be able to wake up the next morning to see the day break.. I give it to them if they say their life is in a crisis. BUT US? Crisis? You got to be kidding me.
The only reason why we will say that is because we have been too privileged and too comfortable with life. We have been given the luxury of choice, of freedom and comforts.. So much so that we forget the simple truth that people had to sacrifice so that we can enjoy what we have and that generation, our parents and our grandparents, didn't complain of a crisis. They lived with what they had and made the best of it.. They didn't complain when they had a job, even when it was hard labour, yet, when we have a comfortable job, in the comforts of an air conditioned room, we complain that it's too hard, we're not paid ENOUGH for what we do.. Question is.. what is enough?
Yes yes.. I haven't "worked" so I'm in no position to comment.. Sure. But at least I'm mature enough to understand that life doesn't come easy, luxury doesn't come without hard work and that you have to work for your pay. At least I won't mope and blame life and run away from problems, naming it a crisis and running to "friends" who will encourage me to acknowledge that my life is in a crisis. These "friends" shouldn't be kept AT ALL. Is our generation so weak and so feeble? So incapable of enduring hardships and pushing their limits? A generation that gives up without a fight, one that runs when the going gets tough? I seriously don't know.
Well.. Apart from that, another thought that has been going through my mind is that I'm quite an oddy.. haha. Yes.. i seriously think that there's something wrong with me.. my biological clock seems to be ticking quite prematurely. The thoughts of settling down, (even when I don't have anyone to settle down with), are just occasionally popping into my head. It's not just the getting married part, but the wanting to have kids and all that that scares me. I should not be thinking about all that when I'm 22! I'm far too young!!!! Oh well.. i don't really know if it's a good or bad thing.. but we'll see where the Lord takes me and see what He has planned for me, I'm sure it'll be a lot better than what I have expected!
Anyway.. this is a shout out to people of this generation! "Toughen up and get on with life.. It doesn't wait for you!"
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
God knows best!
These couple of months have been quite a ride, the magnitude and the multitude of these experiences are more overwhelming than I can ever imagine. I experienced God in a way that was so direct that it was as if He was tangible, His voice and message was so clear that it was undeniable.
I got into dentistry. That on it's own is more than just a miracle. Just when everyone, (I mean EVERYONE) told me it was impossible, asking me to seek another career path, God opened the doors for me, not just once, but so many times. He didn't just leave the door ajar, He swung it wide open, so clear and so bright. In my darkest moments, I did think of giving up, but He gave me an desire that was so strong, it couldn't be wrong, or rather, it couldn't have been my own mortal desire.
Three years ago, I was a disobedient Christian, to be brutally honest, I wasn't even Church going, not because I didn't want to, but because of parental objections. I knew way before my A's that I wanted to be a dentist, if you ask me, was my desire as strong as it is now, I have to say no, but I knew that it was something that I was more than interested in. I love teeth, I love the empowerment a confident smile can give, I knew that Dentistry was something that I could do for the rest of my life. Of course, as you all know, I didn't get in. (DUH! I didn't do stellar for A's) and in retrospect, I believe God has His own timing for everything.
Then I started my course in NUS, Biomed wasn't exactly bad, I don't detest it, but as always, when you have something that you are more passionate about, you'll tend to not enjoy what you're studying. That was how it was for me. I mean, I love the time I had in NUS, cause I met the most amazing bunch of girls and guys alike, people who are now very dear to me and people whom I know I will treasure for the rest of my life. BUT.. Of course, in my first year, I was in a relationship with this guy whom I thought was someone I could be with for a long time, and again.. I think God had other plans for the both of us.
That was when I started questioning the Lord, why take away all the things that I love, denying me of dentistry, of a guy that I felt for and taking away my grandma. Why?
But it was these three years, this extra time that I had that God brought me to Church. He allowed me to meet the most amazing people in church and at school. My dearest brother in Christ, Brendon, and the friends at Church, my cell group. I used to think that I wasted my time in NUS, but if you ask me now, I would definitely take my words back. Because of the extra time, the Lord brought me back to Him. He gave me friends who will support my walk with Him and I know He used these three years to give me a clearer purpose for my dental desires.
Like I say, all of this in God's timing.
I remember every first Sunday of every month, we would have Holy communion in Grace and I know every single time, the only thing I ever ever prayed for was for dentistry. There were times where I prayed and asked, "Lord, if dentistry isn't for me, let people in authority tell me so and if it isn't for me, only you have the power to extinguish this flame and passion in me".. but each time, my dental profs will tell me not to give up, they were sure that I would be a good dentist and each time, my desire just grew stronger and stronger, to the extent that I would cry myself to sleep because there was so much passion in me for dentistry and yet I was so far from it. That kind of helplessness and loneliness, I doubt anyone can understand. I had to fight my fears all alone, I was afraid, I really was.. "what if i never got to do it.. what if it was me being stubborn?" Yet everyday, I had to put up a strong cheery front that I was fine, that Life was good, who knew my fears? I suppose, till this day, only my Lord knew.
So three years in NUS and I graduated with a BSc, I till this day feel quite guilty for not doing my best, but again, I shall not dwell upon my regrets. So I thought being a graduate would make applying for dentistry easier.. Boy was I wrong. Many unis don't take graduates for an undergrad programme in Aust and even the IDP councillor told me I wasn't able to make it, even for UWA. But the funny thing is, I felt a tug or rather I was only drawn to one uni and that was the University of Western Australia. Yet my IDP agent told me it was IMPOSSIBLE (and I put it in caps because that was the kind of message she was trying to drive across), she said that there had NEVER been any precedence of grads getting into UWA's dental undergrad course. Nonetheless, I, being the stubborn me, made sure she submitted an application for me. I have to tell you, she was not at all happy nor willing..
Then a few agonising months later, I got an email that I passed the first round of selections and was qualified to take the ISAT (international students admissions test). I went for the ISAT and I nearly died when I came out.. Everyone was complaining about how challenging it was! It was tough.. Darn tough.. the english and language bits weren't a problem for me, but there were parts that had CALCULATIONS, math and physics-ish stuff that caught me off guard. I thought.. That's it.. no more dreaming..
Through this period, people prayed for me, and to all of you who did, THANK YOU! I think God heard my prayers for the past few years and in faith I did decently for my ISAT. I didn't expect myself to be the 81st percentile, neither did I think I would get an overall score of 178 out of 200! I was estatic! BUT BUT BUT.. I didn't know if it was enough to get me an interview. So a month or so later, I got a call..
A: "Hi, this is Alvin calling from the IDP, is this Jocelyn?"
Me: "yea.. anything the matter?"
A: "I'm calling to see if you might me interested in an interview for UWA dentistry?"
you cannot imagine just how stunned I was..
Me: "OF COURSE! I won't even mind starting school now if i could!"
A: "Yea.. we need to know if you are serious about dentistry at UWA and not just shopping around for universities."
Me: "Of course not, I'm absolutely sincere about studying there!"
I couldn't thank God enough. Really.
Then the Interview came and to be honest, I thought I didn't do as well as I should have and I could have, but after waiting for TWO almost Three long agonising months, I got in! Praise the Lord! My agent at IDP was so happy for me, she was amazed and all I could tell her was that it was all God's Grace.
I now have a very long long journey ahead of me and I know I will give it my very best and give it my all. =) I am, in the Australian's eyes, a mature student.. and I now wait for the Lord to unveil His other plans for my life. Through this all, I've learnt to give God control and to have faith that God knows what's best for me.
This is part of my story and my testimony.. God is good and He REALLY knows best!
I got into dentistry. That on it's own is more than just a miracle. Just when everyone, (I mean EVERYONE) told me it was impossible, asking me to seek another career path, God opened the doors for me, not just once, but so many times. He didn't just leave the door ajar, He swung it wide open, so clear and so bright. In my darkest moments, I did think of giving up, but He gave me an desire that was so strong, it couldn't be wrong, or rather, it couldn't have been my own mortal desire.
Three years ago, I was a disobedient Christian, to be brutally honest, I wasn't even Church going, not because I didn't want to, but because of parental objections. I knew way before my A's that I wanted to be a dentist, if you ask me, was my desire as strong as it is now, I have to say no, but I knew that it was something that I was more than interested in. I love teeth, I love the empowerment a confident smile can give, I knew that Dentistry was something that I could do for the rest of my life. Of course, as you all know, I didn't get in. (DUH! I didn't do stellar for A's) and in retrospect, I believe God has His own timing for everything.
Then I started my course in NUS, Biomed wasn't exactly bad, I don't detest it, but as always, when you have something that you are more passionate about, you'll tend to not enjoy what you're studying. That was how it was for me. I mean, I love the time I had in NUS, cause I met the most amazing bunch of girls and guys alike, people who are now very dear to me and people whom I know I will treasure for the rest of my life. BUT.. Of course, in my first year, I was in a relationship with this guy whom I thought was someone I could be with for a long time, and again.. I think God had other plans for the both of us.
That was when I started questioning the Lord, why take away all the things that I love, denying me of dentistry, of a guy that I felt for and taking away my grandma. Why?
But it was these three years, this extra time that I had that God brought me to Church. He allowed me to meet the most amazing people in church and at school. My dearest brother in Christ, Brendon, and the friends at Church, my cell group. I used to think that I wasted my time in NUS, but if you ask me now, I would definitely take my words back. Because of the extra time, the Lord brought me back to Him. He gave me friends who will support my walk with Him and I know He used these three years to give me a clearer purpose for my dental desires.
Like I say, all of this in God's timing.
I remember every first Sunday of every month, we would have Holy communion in Grace and I know every single time, the only thing I ever ever prayed for was for dentistry. There were times where I prayed and asked, "Lord, if dentistry isn't for me, let people in authority tell me so and if it isn't for me, only you have the power to extinguish this flame and passion in me".. but each time, my dental profs will tell me not to give up, they were sure that I would be a good dentist and each time, my desire just grew stronger and stronger, to the extent that I would cry myself to sleep because there was so much passion in me for dentistry and yet I was so far from it. That kind of helplessness and loneliness, I doubt anyone can understand. I had to fight my fears all alone, I was afraid, I really was.. "what if i never got to do it.. what if it was me being stubborn?" Yet everyday, I had to put up a strong cheery front that I was fine, that Life was good, who knew my fears? I suppose, till this day, only my Lord knew.
So three years in NUS and I graduated with a BSc, I till this day feel quite guilty for not doing my best, but again, I shall not dwell upon my regrets. So I thought being a graduate would make applying for dentistry easier.. Boy was I wrong. Many unis don't take graduates for an undergrad programme in Aust and even the IDP councillor told me I wasn't able to make it, even for UWA. But the funny thing is, I felt a tug or rather I was only drawn to one uni and that was the University of Western Australia. Yet my IDP agent told me it was IMPOSSIBLE (and I put it in caps because that was the kind of message she was trying to drive across), she said that there had NEVER been any precedence of grads getting into UWA's dental undergrad course. Nonetheless, I, being the stubborn me, made sure she submitted an application for me. I have to tell you, she was not at all happy nor willing..
Then a few agonising months later, I got an email that I passed the first round of selections and was qualified to take the ISAT (international students admissions test). I went for the ISAT and I nearly died when I came out.. Everyone was complaining about how challenging it was! It was tough.. Darn tough.. the english and language bits weren't a problem for me, but there were parts that had CALCULATIONS, math and physics-ish stuff that caught me off guard. I thought.. That's it.. no more dreaming..
Through this period, people prayed for me, and to all of you who did, THANK YOU! I think God heard my prayers for the past few years and in faith I did decently for my ISAT. I didn't expect myself to be the 81st percentile, neither did I think I would get an overall score of 178 out of 200! I was estatic! BUT BUT BUT.. I didn't know if it was enough to get me an interview. So a month or so later, I got a call..
A: "Hi, this is Alvin calling from the IDP, is this Jocelyn?"
Me: "yea.. anything the matter?"
A: "I'm calling to see if you might me interested in an interview for UWA dentistry?"
you cannot imagine just how stunned I was..
Me: "OF COURSE! I won't even mind starting school now if i could!"
A: "Yea.. we need to know if you are serious about dentistry at UWA and not just shopping around for universities."
Me: "Of course not, I'm absolutely sincere about studying there!"
I couldn't thank God enough. Really.
Then the Interview came and to be honest, I thought I didn't do as well as I should have and I could have, but after waiting for TWO almost Three long agonising months, I got in! Praise the Lord! My agent at IDP was so happy for me, she was amazed and all I could tell her was that it was all God's Grace.
I now have a very long long journey ahead of me and I know I will give it my very best and give it my all. =) I am, in the Australian's eyes, a mature student.. and I now wait for the Lord to unveil His other plans for my life. Through this all, I've learnt to give God control and to have faith that God knows what's best for me.
This is part of my story and my testimony.. God is good and He REALLY knows best!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Joy Beyond Words
I got into DENTISTRY!
Yes. My Dream come true.
My heart's desire fulfilled.
Even though I stand before a very long journey, one that might be arduous and tumultuous, but I know, even if I were to walk on coal, I'm gonna do it with all my heart. The Lord has answered my prayers and revealed Himself to me in such a direct way and I know, no matter how tired I am, He is there to carry me through.
I cannot express the magnitude of my happiness in words. Yes.. Part of me feels sad, leaving people I so dearly love behind, BUT because of their Love, I will do my best and Do everyone proud. =)
PRAISE THE LORD!
Off I go to Korea for my Kimchi rice and spicy soup PLUS all the shopping! WHEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Yes. My Dream come true.
My heart's desire fulfilled.
Even though I stand before a very long journey, one that might be arduous and tumultuous, but I know, even if I were to walk on coal, I'm gonna do it with all my heart. The Lord has answered my prayers and revealed Himself to me in such a direct way and I know, no matter how tired I am, He is there to carry me through.
I cannot express the magnitude of my happiness in words. Yes.. Part of me feels sad, leaving people I so dearly love behind, BUT because of their Love, I will do my best and Do everyone proud. =)
PRAISE THE LORD!
Off I go to Korea for my Kimchi rice and spicy soup PLUS all the shopping! WHEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Monday, September 7, 2009
Messages
I went for a seminar for post grad med on Saturday, I went with an open heart to hear what they had to offer and to see if I had a passion for it. I am not exactly surprised that I feel this way, but I don't have an inclination for that. I know dentistry and medicine are that tad similar, but.. somehow, I don't hear a voice telling me that I should do it.
Throughout the past few weeks I've been getting similar messages, some will call them coincidences, others call them God's word. When I was doing devotions, there was a bible passage that spoke out to me, about having faith and trusting in God to let Him do His works. Another message was about having faith, that even though God seemed silent, He was preparing a way for me and that I just have to wait for Him to unveil His plans for me.
The message at church as well.. About trusting the Lord and trusting in His unfailing Love. Especially a point Pastor Lee made today, to be patient and wait for God to act and direct and to look from God's perspective. Maybe I'm internalizing the message, but I do think it's the Lord's way of talking to me and telling me to trust in Him and His manifold mercies and greatness. I do commit this all into His hands, for I know there will be victory in the Lord!
Throughout the past few weeks I've been getting similar messages, some will call them coincidences, others call them God's word. When I was doing devotions, there was a bible passage that spoke out to me, about having faith and trusting in God to let Him do His works. Another message was about having faith, that even though God seemed silent, He was preparing a way for me and that I just have to wait for Him to unveil His plans for me.
The message at church as well.. About trusting the Lord and trusting in His unfailing Love. Especially a point Pastor Lee made today, to be patient and wait for God to act and direct and to look from God's perspective. Maybe I'm internalizing the message, but I do think it's the Lord's way of talking to me and telling me to trust in Him and His manifold mercies and greatness. I do commit this all into His hands, for I know there will be victory in the Lord!
Friday, August 21, 2009
Speculations VS Investments
Foolish was I, to have thought that nothing will fill my void again.
I have my answer now.. Love was, is and will be.
Where there is love, there is forgiveness,
there is love in times of need and when life is cold there is a promise.
Love will find a way.
I've learnt a lesson, albeit paying a hefty price.. Never, never should I fill the void of the love of a dream with a human substitute. I paid my price, a broken heart and a broken soul. I gave all the love I had for my dream to that one person, simply cause my heart couldn't contain that disappointment of not being able to chase my dreams, my soul couldn't handle the sadness.. then he came by.. My perfect substitute.
I never did think of it this way in the past, only recently, did I realise that all that heartache and pain didn't come from a broken relationship, because early in it, I knew it wouldn't work out. I held on despite the call of my heart, simply cause that was the only thing that I could be in control of. Foolish was I.. when control was exactly the hardest thing to do.
Now I have my answer.. Love. Not humanly love, but God's Love. His Love is my promise and I give Him all control. My heart has never felt so whole, so overwhelmed. Only His love can fill that God Like void in my heart. I thank God for His love and for giving me a passion in life, one that burns so brightly. I will wait for His plans to be unveiled because I know they are the best for me.
I've learnt to make prudent investments, not in the insecurities and volatility of the human spirit, but in the promises of God's everlasting Love. It's a speculation when we invest all our love on the weak and feeble human heart, but it is an investment, one that reaps abundance, when we keep it in God's hands.
I have my answer now.. Love was, is and will be.
Where there is love, there is forgiveness,
there is love in times of need and when life is cold there is a promise.
Love will find a way.
I've learnt a lesson, albeit paying a hefty price.. Never, never should I fill the void of the love of a dream with a human substitute. I paid my price, a broken heart and a broken soul. I gave all the love I had for my dream to that one person, simply cause my heart couldn't contain that disappointment of not being able to chase my dreams, my soul couldn't handle the sadness.. then he came by.. My perfect substitute.
I never did think of it this way in the past, only recently, did I realise that all that heartache and pain didn't come from a broken relationship, because early in it, I knew it wouldn't work out. I held on despite the call of my heart, simply cause that was the only thing that I could be in control of. Foolish was I.. when control was exactly the hardest thing to do.
Now I have my answer.. Love. Not humanly love, but God's Love. His Love is my promise and I give Him all control. My heart has never felt so whole, so overwhelmed. Only His love can fill that God Like void in my heart. I thank God for His love and for giving me a passion in life, one that burns so brightly. I will wait for His plans to be unveiled because I know they are the best for me.
I've learnt to make prudent investments, not in the insecurities and volatility of the human spirit, but in the promises of God's everlasting Love. It's a speculation when we invest all our love on the weak and feeble human heart, but it is an investment, one that reaps abundance, when we keep it in God's hands.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Weekend Away!
I am finally Home!!!
After a weekend of fabulous food and company! Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I enjoyed myself tremendously but when you have good rich food for so many days in a row.. MAN.. It's the guilt that totally ruins the enjoyment. Anyway, I enjoyed the company of my family, my brother and my dearest cousin. I mean.. there is nothing more enjoyable than having family time, spending time talking about old days and just enjoying each other's presence.
Now, The Ritz.. What I love about it?
The service.. I'd give it an 8 out of 10. Housekeeping was prompt at times but I think the staff can be more friendly, like always, some can get quite stuck up.
The room was decent, nicely spaced and the toilet!!!! FANTASTIC.. I love toilets with a good view, especially a sea view. However, the Ritz can do with some upgrading! It can feel that tad primitive at times. If you ask me, I think the ambiance at Fullerton is so SO much better not to mention the rooms. WOW. The rooms. No doubt, you don't get as nice a view BUT.. it's about the total experience right?
BUT BUT BUT.. Like they say, the Ritz will always be the Ritz. I should try staying in St Regis one day. =)
To top the whole experience, Church was fantastic!! (as always.=))The message was something that was close to my heart, about Jesus the Good Shepherd (John 10;7) about God's promises for an abundant and fulfilling life, but we as children of God, should constantly seek the word of God and the understanding of it. That we should be mentored and guided, that we should not only seek fellowship, but also discipline.
The Lord has blessed my life overwhelmingly and I know this is the time.. The time for me to actively seek His word.
God is Good!
After a weekend of fabulous food and company! Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I enjoyed myself tremendously but when you have good rich food for so many days in a row.. MAN.. It's the guilt that totally ruins the enjoyment. Anyway, I enjoyed the company of my family, my brother and my dearest cousin. I mean.. there is nothing more enjoyable than having family time, spending time talking about old days and just enjoying each other's presence.
Now, The Ritz.. What I love about it?
The service.. I'd give it an 8 out of 10. Housekeeping was prompt at times but I think the staff can be more friendly, like always, some can get quite stuck up.
The room was decent, nicely spaced and the toilet!!!! FANTASTIC.. I love toilets with a good view, especially a sea view. However, the Ritz can do with some upgrading! It can feel that tad primitive at times. If you ask me, I think the ambiance at Fullerton is so SO much better not to mention the rooms. WOW. The rooms. No doubt, you don't get as nice a view BUT.. it's about the total experience right?
BUT BUT BUT.. Like they say, the Ritz will always be the Ritz. I should try staying in St Regis one day. =)
To top the whole experience, Church was fantastic!! (as always.=))The message was something that was close to my heart, about Jesus the Good Shepherd (John 10;7) about God's promises for an abundant and fulfilling life, but we as children of God, should constantly seek the word of God and the understanding of it. That we should be mentored and guided, that we should not only seek fellowship, but also discipline.
The Lord has blessed my life overwhelmingly and I know this is the time.. The time for me to actively seek His word.
God is Good!
I Love Singapore!
NDP . The Ritz . Family . Great Company
What more can anyone ask for?
This year's NDP is somehow more special to me.. maybe it's the thought that I may be going overseas for the next few years that makes it that bit more interesting, or maybe cause I'm watching it at the Ritz, OR simply cause it was brilliantly organised. This year's parade is something that is easier to relate to, one that is more current and even though the story line was something that I could guess, the way the Singapore story was told was so much more interesting and entertaining.
I loved the fireworks, as always and the men in uniform was a bonus.. =) there were so many stationed in the Ritz and I have to say, the policemen, were quite cute.
On the whole, I loved this year's NDP! I'm so proud to be Singaporean!
What more can anyone ask for?
This year's NDP is somehow more special to me.. maybe it's the thought that I may be going overseas for the next few years that makes it that bit more interesting, or maybe cause I'm watching it at the Ritz, OR simply cause it was brilliantly organised. This year's parade is something that is easier to relate to, one that is more current and even though the story line was something that I could guess, the way the Singapore story was told was so much more interesting and entertaining.
I loved the fireworks, as always and the men in uniform was a bonus.. =) there were so many stationed in the Ritz and I have to say, the policemen, were quite cute.
On the whole, I loved this year's NDP! I'm so proud to be Singaporean!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
My Lord, my everything
There have been moments in my life that I questioned God, times when I was disappointed, times when God didn't give me what I want and times when things felt so right, yet He had to take them away. I suppose it's because of my lack of faith that I start to question Him, but the past few months have been a very different journey for me.
God started to reveal His plans for me, He spoke to me in a way that was so direct, so clear, His message was undeniable. I started to see why He denied me of certain things in the past, not because He didn't love me, but simply because He loves me too much. He was willing to take my questions and my uncertainty and with His grace and patience let me see His works. Indeed, God is great.
He denied me things in the past, so that I will treasure them in future. He closed a chapter of my love story, one that I thought it was premature, but now I know, He knew best. He stopped my misery before it came to me, He stood by me and sent angels to me to carry me through. He didn't open doors for dentistry for me, because He wanted me to find my path and my journey, so that I will be a dentist that will honour Him, He patiently waited for me to grow in His word, He took me by the hand and when the time was right, unveiled His plan for me.
I cannot express just how joyful and peaceful I feel. I know I will succeed in Him, I know I will be a living testimony of His Grace and at the end of the day, I know, He is my Lord, my everything.
God started to reveal His plans for me, He spoke to me in a way that was so direct, so clear, His message was undeniable. I started to see why He denied me of certain things in the past, not because He didn't love me, but simply because He loves me too much. He was willing to take my questions and my uncertainty and with His grace and patience let me see His works. Indeed, God is great.
He denied me things in the past, so that I will treasure them in future. He closed a chapter of my love story, one that I thought it was premature, but now I know, He knew best. He stopped my misery before it came to me, He stood by me and sent angels to me to carry me through. He didn't open doors for dentistry for me, because He wanted me to find my path and my journey, so that I will be a dentist that will honour Him, He patiently waited for me to grow in His word, He took me by the hand and when the time was right, unveiled His plan for me.
I cannot express just how joyful and peaceful I feel. I know I will succeed in Him, I know I will be a living testimony of His Grace and at the end of the day, I know, He is my Lord, my everything.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Child no more
It's complicated, life is so complicated.
My emotions are completely IRONIC and I have totally zero control over them. I am having tonnes of fun hanging out with my friends but I just can't feel truly happy. I smile, I laugh and I have fun, but I'm not happy. I've lost that child like reckless abandon and now all that is left in me is a tired soul, one that wants and loves something so immensely. I know it will be reciprocated, I know in time to come, I will. Till then... whatever it takes to fill that void momentarily.
My emotions are completely IRONIC and I have totally zero control over them. I am having tonnes of fun hanging out with my friends but I just can't feel truly happy. I smile, I laugh and I have fun, but I'm not happy. I've lost that child like reckless abandon and now all that is left in me is a tired soul, one that wants and loves something so immensely. I know it will be reciprocated, I know in time to come, I will. Till then... whatever it takes to fill that void momentarily.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
It's never too late
There were many firsts this week..
My first night out with my friends, my first stay over at a chalet, my first time cycling (and I finally can) and my first time taking the train with the girls.
I know, these things may sound very trivial to many but it's a really special moment for me. I have been brought up a certain way, to behave and think a certain way, and for me to step out of that familiar zone is quite an experience. For my parents to consent to them!!! That's even more amazing!
Well.. It was a good break from all the worries, a good heart to heart talk and just going crazy and cranky with the girls. I haven't had so much fun in ages. All I can say is that I really love my girlfriends and the part they play in my life, making me.. me. Thank you girls!
It felt really nice getting things off my chest and baring my soul to people whom I so dearly trust. Somehow, I feel like it is a form of letting go, a form of moving on, that I am no longer haunted or bound by a sad memory. It's over, it is all over.. after all the love, hurt and tears.. I'm going to say goodbye to a bittersweet period of my life.
I cannot guarantee that I will completely forget, cause I somehow have an insanely good memory.. But I think I won't remember, neither reminisce. I don't know what took me so long to realise that it was so silly to lose self esteem over someone who was so unworthy. Well.. even though this came a tad too late, but it is better late than never! To Hell with him!
My first night out with my friends, my first stay over at a chalet, my first time cycling (and I finally can) and my first time taking the train with the girls.
I know, these things may sound very trivial to many but it's a really special moment for me. I have been brought up a certain way, to behave and think a certain way, and for me to step out of that familiar zone is quite an experience. For my parents to consent to them!!! That's even more amazing!
Well.. It was a good break from all the worries, a good heart to heart talk and just going crazy and cranky with the girls. I haven't had so much fun in ages. All I can say is that I really love my girlfriends and the part they play in my life, making me.. me. Thank you girls!
It felt really nice getting things off my chest and baring my soul to people whom I so dearly trust. Somehow, I feel like it is a form of letting go, a form of moving on, that I am no longer haunted or bound by a sad memory. It's over, it is all over.. after all the love, hurt and tears.. I'm going to say goodbye to a bittersweet period of my life.
I cannot guarantee that I will completely forget, cause I somehow have an insanely good memory.. But I think I won't remember, neither reminisce. I don't know what took me so long to realise that it was so silly to lose self esteem over someone who was so unworthy. Well.. even though this came a tad too late, but it is better late than never! To Hell with him!
Friday, July 10, 2009
Chocolates, Life and Milestones
I was hoping to feel really happy about my graduation, it's not that I'm unhappy that I've graduated, but instead of having an overwhelming sense of joy, I have an overwhelming sense of relief. Not a single ounce of pride that I have made it through, just that sense of "Thank God it's over".
Don't get me wrong, I'm not implying that my NUS life was a nightmare, it was, if anything, more of a bittersweet dream with a happy ending. If life is like a box of chocolates, then each semester of my uni life is like a piece of dark chocolate, each with a different percentage of cocoa.
First sem was like an Irish Cream Dark Chocolate truffle.. Intoxicating and addictive yet not the most enjoyable chocolate to have. Like the Irish Cream, Love was intoxicating, in fact, being in love was the only thing that allowed me to escape reality. The reality that I wasn't living my dream, that there was something I loved so much that I could not do. In retrospect, I now know why I fell so hard for someone so undeserving, it was like channelling my love for dentistry to someone that was more tangible. Again.. the Silly mistakes I make in life.
Second sem was more of a 99% dark chocolate.. Nursing a broken heart in the midst of my exams wasn't the sweetest thing of all. I cried till I could cry no more, my heart bled till it bled no more. There were so many questions that I did not have answers to and I questioned God time and time again.. Why? Yes, I wasn't the most obedient Christian, I struggled to make things work when His voice was telling me, "he's not the one for you".. and God won.. I learnt then, never to fight His will simply because it's the best for me. I laugh now when I look back at how silly it all was. How I tried so hard to be someone I wasn't, just to be acknowledged by someone who doesn't know how to appreciate me for who I really am.
Year two, on the whole, was like a 70% dark chocolate, bitter at first but once savoured the sweetness of the chocolate lingers. It wasn't my best academic year but it was one that I enjoyed the most. I had the company of fantastic friends, meeting the most amazing individuals and living life as I should.. Planning weddings, doing up the house, hunting for furniture and picking up golf.. I realised just how diverse my interests were and how good I could be when I was serious about something. It was a year that I loved the most ultimately cause I could finally go to church with my mom's blessings. This is something I thank God for and I know that it all came true because of His Grace.
The first semester of year 3 was like... Dark Chocolate with Hazelnuts and almonds.. Full of surprises. A semester that God blessed me through the people around me and the new friends that I made.
And the last semester... Was like a brandied cherry dark chocolate. Intense, exciting, addictive and delightful. Forging bonds of lasting friendships and growing in Christ. The Lord has the most amazing and truly remarkable way of teaching us and allowing us to understand His will. I never understood His plan, or rather, the way He works His plan, yet I saw just how wonderful He can be.. It was like a sudden awakening one day.. That I was struggling so long for nothing when all that He wants for me is so simple.. Just to let Him be in control.
For so long I've hungered to be a dentist and this three years in NUS allowed me to know just HOW BADLY I love it. Because I had the luxury of time to see and understand the profession, I know what I want to do when I can do it. The passion never died, the flame only grew stronger and I know.. This IS my calling and I know no matter how long or how arduous the journey might be, I know He will carry me through.. No matter what obstacles I have to cross, I will cross it with Faith.
This is not the end of a chapter, but a new beginning. Commencement doesn't mark the milestone in my life, Grace does.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not implying that my NUS life was a nightmare, it was, if anything, more of a bittersweet dream with a happy ending. If life is like a box of chocolates, then each semester of my uni life is like a piece of dark chocolate, each with a different percentage of cocoa.
First sem was like an Irish Cream Dark Chocolate truffle.. Intoxicating and addictive yet not the most enjoyable chocolate to have. Like the Irish Cream, Love was intoxicating, in fact, being in love was the only thing that allowed me to escape reality. The reality that I wasn't living my dream, that there was something I loved so much that I could not do. In retrospect, I now know why I fell so hard for someone so undeserving, it was like channelling my love for dentistry to someone that was more tangible. Again.. the Silly mistakes I make in life.
Second sem was more of a 99% dark chocolate.. Nursing a broken heart in the midst of my exams wasn't the sweetest thing of all. I cried till I could cry no more, my heart bled till it bled no more. There were so many questions that I did not have answers to and I questioned God time and time again.. Why? Yes, I wasn't the most obedient Christian, I struggled to make things work when His voice was telling me, "he's not the one for you".. and God won.. I learnt then, never to fight His will simply because it's the best for me. I laugh now when I look back at how silly it all was. How I tried so hard to be someone I wasn't, just to be acknowledged by someone who doesn't know how to appreciate me for who I really am.
Year two, on the whole, was like a 70% dark chocolate, bitter at first but once savoured the sweetness of the chocolate lingers. It wasn't my best academic year but it was one that I enjoyed the most. I had the company of fantastic friends, meeting the most amazing individuals and living life as I should.. Planning weddings, doing up the house, hunting for furniture and picking up golf.. I realised just how diverse my interests were and how good I could be when I was serious about something. It was a year that I loved the most ultimately cause I could finally go to church with my mom's blessings. This is something I thank God for and I know that it all came true because of His Grace.
The first semester of year 3 was like... Dark Chocolate with Hazelnuts and almonds.. Full of surprises. A semester that God blessed me through the people around me and the new friends that I made.
And the last semester... Was like a brandied cherry dark chocolate. Intense, exciting, addictive and delightful. Forging bonds of lasting friendships and growing in Christ. The Lord has the most amazing and truly remarkable way of teaching us and allowing us to understand His will. I never understood His plan, or rather, the way He works His plan, yet I saw just how wonderful He can be.. It was like a sudden awakening one day.. That I was struggling so long for nothing when all that He wants for me is so simple.. Just to let Him be in control.
For so long I've hungered to be a dentist and this three years in NUS allowed me to know just HOW BADLY I love it. Because I had the luxury of time to see and understand the profession, I know what I want to do when I can do it. The passion never died, the flame only grew stronger and I know.. This IS my calling and I know no matter how long or how arduous the journey might be, I know He will carry me through.. No matter what obstacles I have to cross, I will cross it with Faith.
This is not the end of a chapter, but a new beginning. Commencement doesn't mark the milestone in my life, Grace does.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Life as it is
Another sleepless night.
It has been weeks.. I just can't get to sleep. I don't know if it's from the agony of waiting, the anticipation, the hope or the fear of disappointment that is keeping me up. Something is weighing my heart down and there is completely nothing I can do.
When you want something and love something that much and that badly, it almost seems like desperation, it's like pushing myself to the edge and stretching my limits, there is only so many disappointments I can face gracefully, with a smile, with encouragement to people who root for me, that I'm okay and it won't bring me down.
I haven't heard from anyone yet and that's precisely why this is so agonising.
Waiting.. Is a lonely and scary experience.
There is barely anyone I can talk to who can understand, no one I can really rely on and no one who is fighting this by my side. I know I'm not alone cause the Lord is with me, but at times, I do feel I'm fighting this battle with no mortal beside me.
I don't need people to placate me and tell me to give up or people to tell me.. "it's just not meant to be". A feeling this strong cannot be wrong. I'm not being stubborn, I'm just trying to live my life, living my dreams. I need some one, yet the only solace and comfort I can find is within the quiets of my heart, the reflection in the mirror, the voice inside of me.
At times, I find this pursuit quite pointless, because it's been so long and I don't see myself reaching it. Yet, I know I will hate myself and regret for the rest of my life if I give up right now, if I give up to do something else, something I know I can do, that I will succeed doing but the only difference is, I may not love it. Climbing the corporate ladder and playing the corporate game, wearing a mask and portraying an image that is politically correct. These, aren't hard to do, in fact, it comes so easily, so naturally that it tires me. It tires me so much.
I doubt I can spend the rest of my life like that. I love dentistry, no doubt it does have its politics, but to the bare minimal, because I love it, because of my patients, I know the satisfaction is much greater than any of the pretence that will tire me. But if I were to give up right now, I know that's the way my life will be for a long long time. I really am tired.. of all the lies and the pretences in life and the last thing I want to do, is to live my life like that.
It has been weeks.. I just can't get to sleep. I don't know if it's from the agony of waiting, the anticipation, the hope or the fear of disappointment that is keeping me up. Something is weighing my heart down and there is completely nothing I can do.
When you want something and love something that much and that badly, it almost seems like desperation, it's like pushing myself to the edge and stretching my limits, there is only so many disappointments I can face gracefully, with a smile, with encouragement to people who root for me, that I'm okay and it won't bring me down.
I haven't heard from anyone yet and that's precisely why this is so agonising.
Waiting.. Is a lonely and scary experience.
There is barely anyone I can talk to who can understand, no one I can really rely on and no one who is fighting this by my side. I know I'm not alone cause the Lord is with me, but at times, I do feel I'm fighting this battle with no mortal beside me.
I don't need people to placate me and tell me to give up or people to tell me.. "it's just not meant to be". A feeling this strong cannot be wrong. I'm not being stubborn, I'm just trying to live my life, living my dreams. I need some one, yet the only solace and comfort I can find is within the quiets of my heart, the reflection in the mirror, the voice inside of me.
At times, I find this pursuit quite pointless, because it's been so long and I don't see myself reaching it. Yet, I know I will hate myself and regret for the rest of my life if I give up right now, if I give up to do something else, something I know I can do, that I will succeed doing but the only difference is, I may not love it. Climbing the corporate ladder and playing the corporate game, wearing a mask and portraying an image that is politically correct. These, aren't hard to do, in fact, it comes so easily, so naturally that it tires me. It tires me so much.
I doubt I can spend the rest of my life like that. I love dentistry, no doubt it does have its politics, but to the bare minimal, because I love it, because of my patients, I know the satisfaction is much greater than any of the pretence that will tire me. But if I were to give up right now, I know that's the way my life will be for a long long time. I really am tired.. of all the lies and the pretences in life and the last thing I want to do, is to live my life like that.
Monday, June 15, 2009
SUPER SIZE ME!
This is so SICK! I know it's been on the market for quite a while, but I just saw the video SuperSize ME today and I am totally and utterly disgusted. I mean, I admire his courage/stupidity for putting himself through this whole process to prove a point. What I honestly don't understand is why Americans don't understand that having everything up sized isn't the smartest thing to do. Or maybe, they think that's the wisest choice they can make, by saving money cause they just pay 69 cents more or whatever for a lot MORE. Which part of LESS is actually more do they NOT understand?
I am totally appalled by such extreme stupidity. I mean Mac diets are high fat, high calorie and high sugar. Many may argue against this show by saying that the guy is extreme by eating it three meals a day and that many people don't eat fast food so many times a day, but truth is, if you can put on about TEN pounds after 5 days of mac, then let me tell you, 3 times a week is bad enough. Really, ESPECIALLY when no exercise is done.
So.. you may ask, what health issues does this bring about.. Diabetes, especially an early onset in children, obesity related diseases like hypertension, heart diseases and a high chance of dying due to heart attacks, myocardial infractions. What else? Sleep apnea, hormonal imbalances, depression, compromised liver function, elevated blood urea that may lead to gout and a lot more.
Say no to fast food and never bring your child to Mac for breakfast. If you have it once in a long while, then fine, but make sure it doesn't become a habit.
So right now, my question is, do we, as Singaporeans think we're safe from this Macdonalisation/Fast Food-disation? To be honest.. I don't think so. Look at out obesity rates, the number of children who are actually unhealthy. I have to add, it doesn't mean that being smaller in size makes us healthier.
Anyway, here's my proposition.. We don't eat Fast food, ie: Mac and all that, BUT we have HAWKER FOOD! Wow.. now now.. I'm not biased about hawker food because of the place, I am very sure and certain that Hawker food is equally unhealthy. Why? Cause some use LARD! that's PURE FAT! Then let's look at the oil they use.. Trust me.. it's not the canola or olive oils you use at home, it's CHEAP MANUFACTURED MASS PRODUCED oil! Here is what most Hawker food contains:
A LOT of Carbohydrate
VERY LITTLE Vegetable
HIGH Sodium
HIGH Fat
Extremely Oily
MSG
Preservatives
Even if you're paying $2 or $3 for a meal.. ask yourself.. is it WORTH your money? You are eating things that doesn't feed your body's needs for vitamins and healthy fat. So listen, if you think it's cheaper to eat out then cook at home, it Ain't true.
I think we should start educating our people that FAST FOOD is BAD so is an overdose of Hawker food. Singaporeans.. WATCH OUT.. we're next on the list.
I am totally appalled by such extreme stupidity. I mean Mac diets are high fat, high calorie and high sugar. Many may argue against this show by saying that the guy is extreme by eating it three meals a day and that many people don't eat fast food so many times a day, but truth is, if you can put on about TEN pounds after 5 days of mac, then let me tell you, 3 times a week is bad enough. Really, ESPECIALLY when no exercise is done.
So.. you may ask, what health issues does this bring about.. Diabetes, especially an early onset in children, obesity related diseases like hypertension, heart diseases and a high chance of dying due to heart attacks, myocardial infractions. What else? Sleep apnea, hormonal imbalances, depression, compromised liver function, elevated blood urea that may lead to gout and a lot more.
Say no to fast food and never bring your child to Mac for breakfast. If you have it once in a long while, then fine, but make sure it doesn't become a habit.
So right now, my question is, do we, as Singaporeans think we're safe from this Macdonalisation/Fast Food-disation? To be honest.. I don't think so. Look at out obesity rates, the number of children who are actually unhealthy. I have to add, it doesn't mean that being smaller in size makes us healthier.
Anyway, here's my proposition.. We don't eat Fast food, ie: Mac and all that, BUT we have HAWKER FOOD! Wow.. now now.. I'm not biased about hawker food because of the place, I am very sure and certain that Hawker food is equally unhealthy. Why? Cause some use LARD! that's PURE FAT! Then let's look at the oil they use.. Trust me.. it's not the canola or olive oils you use at home, it's CHEAP MANUFACTURED MASS PRODUCED oil! Here is what most Hawker food contains:
A LOT of Carbohydrate
VERY LITTLE Vegetable
HIGH Sodium
HIGH Fat
Extremely Oily
MSG
Preservatives
Even if you're paying $2 or $3 for a meal.. ask yourself.. is it WORTH your money? You are eating things that doesn't feed your body's needs for vitamins and healthy fat. So listen, if you think it's cheaper to eat out then cook at home, it Ain't true.
I think we should start educating our people that FAST FOOD is BAD so is an overdose of Hawker food. Singaporeans.. WATCH OUT.. we're next on the list.
Monday, June 8, 2009
I Will Overcome
I really Thank God for Grace Methodist and Esther. Somehow at church service today, Simon was telling the congregation that he could sense that there were many in the midst who were going through emotional adversity and he was sharing with us that no matter how big the problem may seem to be, we ought to have faith and believe that God has a way for us, one that is perfect in its own right.
A way that may seem arduous, but at the end of the day, His path, as small and as obscure as it seems now, will unravel to show His majestic plan for us. Of course the end results are important, but the journey to it is equally important. Who we touch, who we reach out to and an arduous journey to us may be something that God will use to reach out to others as well.
It spoke to me. Loads.
As we were singing "We will overcome, by the blood of the Lamb and the word of Your testimony.." I couldn't help but tear, because I know I will overcome by the Grace of the Lord.
Of course, I was relating some of my struggles to Esther and I seriously was a wreck.. I couldn't stop my tears. I honestly tried to not cry but they just started flowing. But she was really patient and gave me really good advise. I know that what ever it is, He will carry me through it all.
A way that may seem arduous, but at the end of the day, His path, as small and as obscure as it seems now, will unravel to show His majestic plan for us. Of course the end results are important, but the journey to it is equally important. Who we touch, who we reach out to and an arduous journey to us may be something that God will use to reach out to others as well.
It spoke to me. Loads.
As we were singing "We will overcome, by the blood of the Lamb and the word of Your testimony.." I couldn't help but tear, because I know I will overcome by the Grace of the Lord.
Of course, I was relating some of my struggles to Esther and I seriously was a wreck.. I couldn't stop my tears. I honestly tried to not cry but they just started flowing. But she was really patient and gave me really good advise. I know that what ever it is, He will carry me through it all.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
hoping for a tale
I'm on the verge of partial breakdown and complete insanity. I kinda try as hard as possible not to show just how stressed out I am, but some times it's just really tough. Trying to put on a smile despite having so much going through my mind.
There are, of course, many things that I give thanks for but there's just a lot of dilemma in my life and whatever I choose, it's going to be a gamble that I have to take and its consequences I have to face.
I haven't been able to sleep for weeks, hence the time at which I'm typing this is 4a.m.. I tried to sleep, or rather, tire myself to sleep.. My treadmill is morphing into my closest confidante.
And I just found out something new about me today. I am a WEEPER. Really. Or maybe it is me feeling emotionally vulnerable now, that I weep at practically everything on TV that is sad, touching or when I see someone else cry and I am actually quite amused.
Anyway, while I was running just now, I caught "You've got mail", for the hundredth time, I think. I just never, NEVER get bored of the show and shows like Pride and Prejudice. I've watched them a million times and I love it.
Or maybe, it's just a part of me that wishes that I could find someone like they do. Someone who knows them better than they do, can read their instincts and complete their sentences. Maybe it's the dream of being able to actually find a soul mate that attracts me to these shows, and the language they use in Pride and Prejudice. My goodness.. Mr Darcy and his arrogance yet so gentle and vulnerable in the presence of a woman who has bewitched him, mind, body and soul.
Well, all I can say is that Life isn't a movie and doesn't have a fairytale ending and probably that's why I will always be captivated by such movies. If only I can have a tale of my own..
There are, of course, many things that I give thanks for but there's just a lot of dilemma in my life and whatever I choose, it's going to be a gamble that I have to take and its consequences I have to face.
I haven't been able to sleep for weeks, hence the time at which I'm typing this is 4a.m.. I tried to sleep, or rather, tire myself to sleep.. My treadmill is morphing into my closest confidante.
And I just found out something new about me today. I am a WEEPER. Really. Or maybe it is me feeling emotionally vulnerable now, that I weep at practically everything on TV that is sad, touching or when I see someone else cry and I am actually quite amused.
Anyway, while I was running just now, I caught "You've got mail", for the hundredth time, I think. I just never, NEVER get bored of the show and shows like Pride and Prejudice. I've watched them a million times and I love it.
Or maybe, it's just a part of me that wishes that I could find someone like they do. Someone who knows them better than they do, can read their instincts and complete their sentences. Maybe it's the dream of being able to actually find a soul mate that attracts me to these shows, and the language they use in Pride and Prejudice. My goodness.. Mr Darcy and his arrogance yet so gentle and vulnerable in the presence of a woman who has bewitched him, mind, body and soul.
Well, all I can say is that Life isn't a movie and doesn't have a fairytale ending and probably that's why I will always be captivated by such movies. If only I can have a tale of my own..
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
something to think about
I haven't had a day of peace since I got my results last Friday. Not that my results were bad, in fact, this semester's was pretty ok. I Thank God for that. Like I previously said, this was the one time where I felt the least prepared for an exam yet I felt so at ease during it. It can only be God's Grace.
Apart from that bit of consolation, it has been an emotional ride the past few days. It's like, having to decide my future in such a short span of time. It's a decision I have to make that will chart the course of my life, where I would go, who I would meet, what I would do and the kind of life I would be living.
If you ask me.. I wanna be a dentist. I truly do. I'm not being stubborn, I just know that I would be able to help people and reach out the the underprivileged. I mean, I don't doubt that some get into this profession because they love it, others, simply cause having the "DR" in front of their name is a form of status symbol. While others are in it for pragmatic reasons. For me, I want to be in it to be able to help others experience the same change I felt. A change that was from well and deep within. Because I know how life changing it is and because I know how blessed I am, I wanna be able to share this blessing and gift with others. It's as simple as that. Yet, why is it so hard to believe?
I'm going to try my hardest, exhaust all possible means to do this. But if.. at the end of the day, I still fail, at least I fail dignified that I've given it my best and I have no regrets.
I got a verbal offer to the Hotel School Sydney, it's a business admin course concentrating in hotel management. I had an interview with the administrator and she didn't bother asking me about my grades, she just knew I had a BSc and she offered me a place. I don't know what she saw, but I believe she saw something in me that I never knew I had. "You're the kind of student we're looking for" were her exact words.
This is my greatest dilemma, do I give up fighting for something I love so much because there is such a wide open invitation for me? Or do I enrol myself for a course that doesn't guarantee me a place in dentistry, but only a place in health sciences, and see how I do for the first year? you know.. I'm at a loss.. An internal struggle.
With all the "What If's" just popping into my head.. all the questions about what is meant for me. I know God has a plan for all of us and He gives us choices.. But I honestly don't know which ones to choose cause it's been a tough journey and most of the time, it hasn't been easy making that choice.
What then should I do?
The next question others ask me, is whether I am up to be in the hotel line, simply cause it's so different from being a dentist. True. But it's the second thing that I am that bit confident of doing and excelling. Service is never a problem for me, but people doubt my abilities to face the ugly side of life, cause of the impression they have of me.. Maybe an impression that I'm sheltered and spoilt?
To be honest, I don't ever think so. If there's something I eat, it's the humble pie. What I have, what my parents give me and provide for me.. it's all because of God's grace. But it didn't come without effort. I saw how hard my parents had to work, our line of work is something that is more humbling and more taxing than anything. It's in no way glamorous nor easy, working 12 to 18 hours a day is the norm. Waking up at 3am to supply our clients is something that happens every other day.
In what way am I spoilt and sheltered? No doubt, my parents are strict with me, I have rules to follow and abide, But often, how many children my age actually listen and not revolt and rebel? I abide not because I have to, but because I want to.
I know how ugly the world is, I know how pragmatic it is. I've seen it all. That doesn't mean I have to live my life the way the world shapes it and THAT doesn't make me sheltered.
These are things that I don't seem to understand. what's the world coming to? where Clubbing puts you in the "in" crowd and smoking is perceived as cool. Drinking till your liver fails is the common hobby and catching up with friends is done on a dance floor in a club with loud pounding music? Explain to me which of these make any logical sense?
The fact that I choose a life that is NOT like that doesn't make me sheltered, it just means I have more logical sense and probably just a different perception in life and for life. For those who ask me.. "So what on earth do you do if you don't do all of the above" all I can say.. is I Live my life and do things that YOU don't.
Apart from that bit of consolation, it has been an emotional ride the past few days. It's like, having to decide my future in such a short span of time. It's a decision I have to make that will chart the course of my life, where I would go, who I would meet, what I would do and the kind of life I would be living.
If you ask me.. I wanna be a dentist. I truly do. I'm not being stubborn, I just know that I would be able to help people and reach out the the underprivileged. I mean, I don't doubt that some get into this profession because they love it, others, simply cause having the "DR" in front of their name is a form of status symbol. While others are in it for pragmatic reasons. For me, I want to be in it to be able to help others experience the same change I felt. A change that was from well and deep within. Because I know how life changing it is and because I know how blessed I am, I wanna be able to share this blessing and gift with others. It's as simple as that. Yet, why is it so hard to believe?
I'm going to try my hardest, exhaust all possible means to do this. But if.. at the end of the day, I still fail, at least I fail dignified that I've given it my best and I have no regrets.
I got a verbal offer to the Hotel School Sydney, it's a business admin course concentrating in hotel management. I had an interview with the administrator and she didn't bother asking me about my grades, she just knew I had a BSc and she offered me a place. I don't know what she saw, but I believe she saw something in me that I never knew I had. "You're the kind of student we're looking for" were her exact words.
This is my greatest dilemma, do I give up fighting for something I love so much because there is such a wide open invitation for me? Or do I enrol myself for a course that doesn't guarantee me a place in dentistry, but only a place in health sciences, and see how I do for the first year? you know.. I'm at a loss.. An internal struggle.
With all the "What If's" just popping into my head.. all the questions about what is meant for me. I know God has a plan for all of us and He gives us choices.. But I honestly don't know which ones to choose cause it's been a tough journey and most of the time, it hasn't been easy making that choice.
What then should I do?
The next question others ask me, is whether I am up to be in the hotel line, simply cause it's so different from being a dentist. True. But it's the second thing that I am that bit confident of doing and excelling. Service is never a problem for me, but people doubt my abilities to face the ugly side of life, cause of the impression they have of me.. Maybe an impression that I'm sheltered and spoilt?
To be honest, I don't ever think so. If there's something I eat, it's the humble pie. What I have, what my parents give me and provide for me.. it's all because of God's grace. But it didn't come without effort. I saw how hard my parents had to work, our line of work is something that is more humbling and more taxing than anything. It's in no way glamorous nor easy, working 12 to 18 hours a day is the norm. Waking up at 3am to supply our clients is something that happens every other day.
In what way am I spoilt and sheltered? No doubt, my parents are strict with me, I have rules to follow and abide, But often, how many children my age actually listen and not revolt and rebel? I abide not because I have to, but because I want to.
I know how ugly the world is, I know how pragmatic it is. I've seen it all. That doesn't mean I have to live my life the way the world shapes it and THAT doesn't make me sheltered.
These are things that I don't seem to understand. what's the world coming to? where Clubbing puts you in the "in" crowd and smoking is perceived as cool. Drinking till your liver fails is the common hobby and catching up with friends is done on a dance floor in a club with loud pounding music? Explain to me which of these make any logical sense?
The fact that I choose a life that is NOT like that doesn't make me sheltered, it just means I have more logical sense and probably just a different perception in life and for life. For those who ask me.. "So what on earth do you do if you don't do all of the above" all I can say.. is I Live my life and do things that YOU don't.
Monday, June 1, 2009
A journey
Do you know how it feels to have doors closed shut right into your face? To be in a place where all openings seem to close shut? To be in a room where you see no light, where the path isn't bleak, just non existent?
When everyone tells you, "hey, why are you so persistent about something? Maybe it's just not for you. Maybe it's not in your life? maybe it's not God's will for you."
So what.. When all doors shut, it just means you give up?
Or should you give it your all, exhaust all methods, even if it means scraping at the wall so that that you can get a ray of light? I would do just that. Not because I'm stubborn, but because I believe.
What happens when that fails too? Do I give up?
What happens when something unexpected happens? When someone sees you in this room and thinks that you fit the bill of just what they are looking for? Do you jump at this window when it's not the one that you'll jump right out from?
What happens if you've struggled so hard to battle the disappointment and take a different route in life, do you then fight for it when someone else tries to dampen it?
I seriously have no idea. I don't think anyone will. I don't think anyone, remotely on this planet knows how I feel right now. The pain.. it's just excruciating. I don't expect anyone to understand, but pushing my limits and expecting me to smile and act as if everything is alright is so hard. Having to put up a strong front, taking all the blame, because it is, in every aspect.. my fault. There is only me to blame, no one else. Yet the pressure to face disappointments gracefully, with a smile and trying to find a silver lining through this is just so tough.
I try to. I really do. I wish I had answers, but I don't. I wish I could have the courage, but I'm trying to get it out of every single cell I have, but it's an exhaustive resource.
I wanna say I quit. I wanna give up.. But I've come too far to give up and I never have, even in adversity. I don't wanna make this my first.
When everyone tells you, "hey, why are you so persistent about something? Maybe it's just not for you. Maybe it's not in your life? maybe it's not God's will for you."
So what.. When all doors shut, it just means you give up?
Or should you give it your all, exhaust all methods, even if it means scraping at the wall so that that you can get a ray of light? I would do just that. Not because I'm stubborn, but because I believe.
What happens when that fails too? Do I give up?
What happens when something unexpected happens? When someone sees you in this room and thinks that you fit the bill of just what they are looking for? Do you jump at this window when it's not the one that you'll jump right out from?
What happens if you've struggled so hard to battle the disappointment and take a different route in life, do you then fight for it when someone else tries to dampen it?
I seriously have no idea. I don't think anyone will. I don't think anyone, remotely on this planet knows how I feel right now. The pain.. it's just excruciating. I don't expect anyone to understand, but pushing my limits and expecting me to smile and act as if everything is alright is so hard. Having to put up a strong front, taking all the blame, because it is, in every aspect.. my fault. There is only me to blame, no one else. Yet the pressure to face disappointments gracefully, with a smile and trying to find a silver lining through this is just so tough.
I try to. I really do. I wish I had answers, but I don't. I wish I could have the courage, but I'm trying to get it out of every single cell I have, but it's an exhaustive resource.
I wanna say I quit. I wanna give up.. But I've come too far to give up and I never have, even in adversity. I don't wanna make this my first.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
P.U.S.H - I AM!
Was checking through my email, (finally!!!!) and chanced upon this sent to me by my uncle. I know many kinda frown at forwarded mails, but I loved this one. I've heard the abbreviation PUSH before but in a different story, hope you'll like this one! All I can say is that we should NEVER underestimate the power of prayer!
P.U.S.H
A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light, and the Savior appeared.
The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. So this the man did; day after day.
For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down; his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.
Since the man was showing signs of discouragement, the Adversary decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the man's weary mind: "You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't budged. Why kill yourself over this? You are never going to move it."
Thus, giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure.
These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man. "Why kill myself over this?" he thought." I'll just put in my time, giving just the minimum effort; and that will be good enough."
And that is what he planned to do, until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord.
"Lord," he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?"
The Lord responded compassionately, "My son, when I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength; which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But is that really so?
Look at yourself...Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your hands are calloused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard.Through opposition you have grown much, and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom. This you have done. Now I, my son, will move the rock."
Dear Beloved, at times when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is just simple obedience and faith in Him. Even though in the short term we do not see how our works are affecting God's kingdom, He will show us in His own way that every area in serving God makes us stronger and in this obedience God will promote us into a higher ministry and this cycle will continue itself; if we faint not and continue on the path the Lord has set us upon. (Read 2 Corinthians 4:16-17)
When everything seems to go wrong ... just P.U.S.H!
When the job gets you down ... just P.U.S.H!
When your money looks "gone" and the bills are due ... just P.U.S.H!
When people just don't understand you...Just P.U.S.H!
P.U.S.H - Pray Until Something Happens!
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
P.U.S.H
A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light, and the Savior appeared.
The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. So this the man did; day after day.
For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down; his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.
Since the man was showing signs of discouragement, the Adversary decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the man's weary mind: "You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't budged. Why kill yourself over this? You are never going to move it."
Thus, giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure.
These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man. "Why kill myself over this?" he thought." I'll just put in my time, giving just the minimum effort; and that will be good enough."
And that is what he planned to do, until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord.
"Lord," he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?"
The Lord responded compassionately, "My son, when I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength; which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But is that really so?
Look at yourself...Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your hands are calloused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard.Through opposition you have grown much, and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom. This you have done. Now I, my son, will move the rock."
Dear Beloved, at times when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is just simple obedience and faith in Him. Even though in the short term we do not see how our works are affecting God's kingdom, He will show us in His own way that every area in serving God makes us stronger and in this obedience God will promote us into a higher ministry and this cycle will continue itself; if we faint not and continue on the path the Lord has set us upon. (Read 2 Corinthians 4:16-17)
When everything seems to go wrong ... just P.U.S.H!
When the job gets you down ... just P.U.S.H!
When your money looks "gone" and the bills are due ... just P.U.S.H!
When people just don't understand you...Just P.U.S.H!
P.U.S.H - Pray Until Something Happens!
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Books and more Books!
I haven't caught the show, but I'm just starting to read the book, "He's just not that into you". It's the type of book that I'd call, braintertainment. At least you're actively reading something. Anyway, let's try not to digress here!!!
YES! READ the book if you're free, cause I'm just into page 50 and I'm entertained. It's hilarious, the way he, Greg, so brutally retorts girls who gives excuses for their man or man to be! What I've learnt so far, as long as you have to find excuses for the guy.. well.. you complete the sentence.. "He's just not that into you". Doesn't take a genius to know that!
Yes, I'm blogging and reading between my papers! Hey.. I need a break too right!
Another book that I think EVERYONE should read, I've blogged about that too, and NOW this STYLE genius has his own show! LOVE HIM! Tim Gunn's book, A Guide to Quality, Taste and Style! I mean, that guy can make a rocker look elegant and sophisticated! That's what we WANT right?! Look good at the right time, at the right place! Three Cheers to Tim Gunn!
So once you're done with Braintertainment, Fashion.. head on to more serious books.. Two good reads are:
Barrack Obama's: Change we can believe in
and
Malcolm Gladwell's: OUTLIERS!
Both fantastic reads!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Time will tell
Exams are coming up and revision is up to my neck. I know this is my last lap and deserves my best effort, but I cannot help but feel so burdened. On my back, the weight of expectations and weighing my heart down, my dream and my desires.
I spoke to someone the other day, one who is a wonderful child and creation of God, and I felt the reassurance about this, about what I want. I want to be a dentist, not because I'm stubbornly hanging on to this, but because I know just where my path is heading towards to.
I want to be able to give my best to be people who needs this, I want to put a smile on faces, for those who cannot afford it, I want to do it for them. I am not here for the money and like I told him, I am really blessed and I know it is for me to share this gift of blessings with the less fortunate. I wanna go on medical missions, to fix teeth, to help improve dental health. This is my desire, my innate desire of servitude. I just don't understand why it is so hard for me to just get there, to do what I believe I can do.
For the many who are in the position to learn this skill, I don't know how many actually have this same heart of giving and service. People I know can see it, I just need those who can make a difference see my passion for this. I question myself, maybe this is just not God's will for me, cause all doors seem to have been shut, but when I pray and ask about it, the desire just grows stronger and stronger, people encourage me to not give up and here I am, torn, because I don't know. Is God putting me through a test? Did He put up all these obstacles so that I will give it my very best when I am able to cross it all? Did He put them up to let me know just how badly I want it and when He gives it to me, let me know what He wants me to do with the skill? I don't know.
I suppose only time and only HE can tell.
I spoke to someone the other day, one who is a wonderful child and creation of God, and I felt the reassurance about this, about what I want. I want to be a dentist, not because I'm stubbornly hanging on to this, but because I know just where my path is heading towards to.
I want to be able to give my best to be people who needs this, I want to put a smile on faces, for those who cannot afford it, I want to do it for them. I am not here for the money and like I told him, I am really blessed and I know it is for me to share this gift of blessings with the less fortunate. I wanna go on medical missions, to fix teeth, to help improve dental health. This is my desire, my innate desire of servitude. I just don't understand why it is so hard for me to just get there, to do what I believe I can do.
For the many who are in the position to learn this skill, I don't know how many actually have this same heart of giving and service. People I know can see it, I just need those who can make a difference see my passion for this. I question myself, maybe this is just not God's will for me, cause all doors seem to have been shut, but when I pray and ask about it, the desire just grows stronger and stronger, people encourage me to not give up and here I am, torn, because I don't know. Is God putting me through a test? Did He put up all these obstacles so that I will give it my very best when I am able to cross it all? Did He put them up to let me know just how badly I want it and when He gives it to me, let me know what He wants me to do with the skill? I don't know.
I suppose only time and only HE can tell.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Wait
I am at a point where I don't know if no news, is truly good news.
I'm hanging on to this thin thread of hope.. Waiting for a helping hand to give me that leap of faith and vote of confidence.
What more can I do?
I'm hanging on to this thin thread of hope.. Waiting for a helping hand to give me that leap of faith and vote of confidence.
What more can I do?
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Blessed!
I'm really blessed.
Even though there is still so much in me that is hoping for a miracle to happen. I want this really bad, but I believe despite these obstacles, blessings are always in abundance.
For once in my life, or rather, uni life, I actually did it. I know it may not seem like a big deal to many, but for someone who has always been the "buffer" of the bell curve, technically, it's a real achievement.
I'm also really thankful for my mom.. I feel extremely blessed for parents who are so encouraging and supportive of my dreams. Plus so willing to be extravagant with me.. Went for the Club 21 private sale with mom, they had beautiful flower displays in the middle of the shop, or rather, all over the shop, with fantastic finger food and imagine, all that PLUS being surrounded by exquisite clothing! The experience was FANTASTIC! They didn't bring in their second line labels, mainly the AX, Diesel and DKNY, but they had Alexander McQueen (I LOVE!), Lanvin, Moncler, Marc Jacobs and etc.. I tell you.. Fashion is a TOTAL addiction. Anyway.. I'm just really thankful and blessed!
Loved the shopping, Love the Hoping, Loving the dream come true..
Even though there is still so much in me that is hoping for a miracle to happen. I want this really bad, but I believe despite these obstacles, blessings are always in abundance.
For once in my life, or rather, uni life, I actually did it. I know it may not seem like a big deal to many, but for someone who has always been the "buffer" of the bell curve, technically, it's a real achievement.
I'm also really thankful for my mom.. I feel extremely blessed for parents who are so encouraging and supportive of my dreams. Plus so willing to be extravagant with me.. Went for the Club 21 private sale with mom, they had beautiful flower displays in the middle of the shop, or rather, all over the shop, with fantastic finger food and imagine, all that PLUS being surrounded by exquisite clothing! The experience was FANTASTIC! They didn't bring in their second line labels, mainly the AX, Diesel and DKNY, but they had Alexander McQueen (I LOVE!), Lanvin, Moncler, Marc Jacobs and etc.. I tell you.. Fashion is a TOTAL addiction. Anyway.. I'm just really thankful and blessed!
Loved the shopping, Love the Hoping, Loving the dream come true..
Friday, March 20, 2009
We will overcome
It is in times of desperation that we can find the strength to overcome.
It is in times of great want that we can find the determination to carry on.
It is in times of difficulties that we see the value of true friendship.
Now is the time to fight on, to press on.
This is a generation of change and for change,
this is a generation that will fight against the economic tsunami and the global unrest.
Despite the comforts of life that we grew up with, this is the time that we rose above ourselves and above expectations to overcome.
I will keep these in mind, that with determination, I will carry on and with faith, I will overcome.
It is in times of great want that we can find the determination to carry on.
It is in times of difficulties that we see the value of true friendship.
Now is the time to fight on, to press on.
This is a generation of change and for change,
this is a generation that will fight against the economic tsunami and the global unrest.
Despite the comforts of life that we grew up with, this is the time that we rose above ourselves and above expectations to overcome.
I will keep these in mind, that with determination, I will carry on and with faith, I will overcome.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
How?
How am I going to do this?
I do not know. I seriously have no idea.
I don't know if I have enough strength in me to just carry on facing disappointment after disappointment. To be honest, I'm more of afraid than anything else. I may jokingly laugh it off, but how much it hurts, no one knows. The want just burns till it hurts and I finally understand what they mean by loving something until it hurts.
I won't run away and not face it. I know I will regret for the rest of my life if I didn't give it my best shot. I'm just praying for strength and courage to face whatever that may come. If you can.. Pray for me.
I do not know. I seriously have no idea.
I don't know if I have enough strength in me to just carry on facing disappointment after disappointment. To be honest, I'm more of afraid than anything else. I may jokingly laugh it off, but how much it hurts, no one knows. The want just burns till it hurts and I finally understand what they mean by loving something until it hurts.
I won't run away and not face it. I know I will regret for the rest of my life if I didn't give it my best shot. I'm just praying for strength and courage to face whatever that may come. If you can.. Pray for me.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Nerves
I have never.. NEVER been more nervous in my ENTIRE life..
Taking my grade 7 exam wasn't even half as bad!
Friday. Submission of documents.
I was literally shaking the whole morning, I couldn't even hold my pen firmly. I don't know if my friends noticed, but I had to focus extra hard so as not to let my nerves get the better of me.
Goodness. This isn't the end of the road if I don't get it. But it will seriously hurt and kill. I've cried a thousand times over this, over rejections and over the love I have for it. If only I didn't love it so much then letting go won't be a problem at all.
I'm not trying to be a pessimist even before the results are out! But if ever anything on The Secret works.. Then I'm really trying to SUMMON all the ENERGY in the world to help me make this work!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Blessed
I'm blessed.
By the friends who stand by me..
Who pin point my mistakes without mercy and lend me their shoulders when I get all teary.
Who make my day with a smile, a message and a hug, drop me little messages to let me know I'm still remembered.
By my teachers and mentors who have faith in me..
Who believes in my aspirations and my dreams as much as they believe in me.
Who encourage me to never give up, cause tenacity will always do its part.
By my family who loves me so..
Who catches me when ever I fall and gives me the confidence to stand up tall.
Who never fails to warm my heart, with words, with love and a warm fuzzy hug.
Most importantly, because of God's mercy and love..
I am Blessed.
For those who made my day so special on the 14th.. Thank you. Be it a message, a call or great company, Thank You. It would not have been so perfect if not for you. I am blessed because there's you.
By the friends who stand by me..
Who pin point my mistakes without mercy and lend me their shoulders when I get all teary.
Who make my day with a smile, a message and a hug, drop me little messages to let me know I'm still remembered.
By my teachers and mentors who have faith in me..
Who believes in my aspirations and my dreams as much as they believe in me.
Who encourage me to never give up, cause tenacity will always do its part.
By my family who loves me so..
Who catches me when ever I fall and gives me the confidence to stand up tall.
Who never fails to warm my heart, with words, with love and a warm fuzzy hug.
Most importantly, because of God's mercy and love..
I am Blessed.
For those who made my day so special on the 14th.. Thank you. Be it a message, a call or great company, Thank You. It would not have been so perfect if not for you. I am blessed because there's you.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
I've Got You
There ain't no sunshine,
just raindrops falling.
No bright moonlight,
just clouds in the sky.
There's no shoulder to lean on,
nor a hand to hold.
There's no bright light shining,
neither an open door.
I am walking alone,
voices of others drowned.
No one's footsteps to pace,
No one's to race.
I am walking blindly,
with Him guiding me.
I am walking alone,
but He, is watching over me.
I don't know where I'm going,
it's His footsteps I'm following.
I don't know what my future holds,
but with of Him, I'm bold.
I'm walking down this road,
an end I do not see.
There's no shoulder to lean on,
just faith to lead me on.
Sounds drowned, footsteps muffled,
it's His whisper that I hear.
I am alone,
but my heart is whole.
His love overwhelms me,
and His promise I hold.
His grace carries me through,
and with Him, I'm never blue.
I am walking alone,
but I've always got You.
-Jocelyn
Sunday, February 8, 2009
My Day
My Day, My valentines day.
It's really odd this year. I am so NOT excited about my birthday. Serious. I have no mood and zero joy. I am grateful that I am a year wiser, smarter and more mature. I am thankful that I have friends and family to share this special day with. but I just can't help feeling like this.
It coinciding with Valentines day doesn't help ONE BIT. Why? Cause..
If valentines day is about love, then not being able to do what I really love is a great kill joy.
If valentines day is about the celebration of love between a couple, then, sadly, it's been 22 years of celebrating it alone, even when I had someone in the past.
If birthdays are meant to be a celebration of one's life, I think I have failed miserably.
What on earth have I done for my life to be celebrated? or rather, for my year to be celebrated? What have I accomplished? Whose life have I touched? Who have I reached out to? Why should I celebrate? I feel so small, so incompetent, so undeserving of a celebration.
It's double the sadness, double the regret this year.
If birthday wishes do really come true.. It's been eight years. I'm making just this one wish this year to be able to do something I really love. If I can trade all my birthday wishes just for this one to come true, I will. Because then.. I know each year, I will have something to look forward to. At least each year.. I'm working towards my goal and my greatest love.
Monday, February 2, 2009
CNY
Chinese New Year
Again, like December, I have a love-hate relationship with.
Well.. I love meeting people I haven't met in like the last year, I love the FOOD, the yu-sheng, the cooking at home, making of poh-piah and not to mention the red packets..
BUT what makes it most annoying, are the questions. I'm fine with people asking me what I'm doing, or what I'm going to do after university, but questions like the "do you have a boyfriend?", "where's your boyfriend?" and when my answer is "no". I get a whole series of questions.. "why don't have?", "why don't want?","your expectations too high is it?", "university should have a lot of boys, why can't find?" and well.. You get my point. I may not have had these questions for long, but seriously, five years is more than enough.
It's just so hard to explain, or rather, is there an explanation in the first place? Like SERIOUSLY? Is it my fault that I haven't found the right person? Or i just don't seem to be able to find people whom I have chemistry/connection (or which ever word you wanna use) with? come on.. I believe we have all been through this right!
Anyway.. that aside, I had a relatively fun time, hanging out with my relatives and friends. and in a very interesting way, it's a new year that i'm gonna remember.. quite vividly. ;)
Friday, January 30, 2009
If Only..
Someone once asked me, "Is it aspiration or admiration that you have that makes you so determined?". I was actually quite stumped because I could not draw a line between the two. Can someone aspire to do something but have no admiration for the job?
My aspiration is built upon the admiration I have for it, admiration that has accumulated over the years, eight, to be exact. I have just one last chance for this, fact is, this is the only thing I can ever imagine myself loving to do. I have a million and one backups, but only one true calling and one true passion. I fear the worst but I hope for the best.
If only they can see the love I have for it,
The passion, the joy, the gratification.
If only they can measure and put a number to it,
it'll be one that no one can read.
I do not need an hour,
not even a day,
I just need a few minutes,
to show them my way.
To tell them the dreams I have
and the hopes I carry,
all these, not for merry.
If only they can put me on a polygraph,
for my moment of truth.
and see the sincerity behind the proof.
I just need one chance.
My aspiration is built upon the admiration I have for it, admiration that has accumulated over the years, eight, to be exact. I have just one last chance for this, fact is, this is the only thing I can ever imagine myself loving to do. I have a million and one backups, but only one true calling and one true passion. I fear the worst but I hope for the best.
If only they can see the love I have for it,
The passion, the joy, the gratification.
If only they can measure and put a number to it,
it'll be one that no one can read.
I do not need an hour,
not even a day,
I just need a few minutes,
to show them my way.
To tell them the dreams I have
and the hopes I carry,
all these, not for merry.
If only they can put me on a polygraph,
for my moment of truth.
If only they know that merit is just a rough,
and see the sincerity behind the proof.
I just need one chance.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
The Inaugural Speech
There were many who critiqued his inaugural speech, but in my opinion, Obama is one of THE best speaking politicians of modern times. He doesn't need to rouse the crowd with loud shouts and screams, he is composed, calm and almost sophisticated with his address. He brings his message across so clearly, so seriously, without any frills nor pretty icing, his address was straight to the point. It tugged at my heartstrings and stuck a chord with my beliefs. I'm looking forward to his term as president.
Here are a few parts of the speech that i really like, taken from New York Times.
(you can follow the link to read the full text. It's worth reading!)
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/20/us/politics/20text-obama.html
"So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans. That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age.Homes have been lost, jobs shed, businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly, our schools fail too many, and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable, but no less profound, is a sapping of confidence across our land; a nagging fear that America's decline is inevitable, that the next generation must lower its sights.Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real, they are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this America: They will be met."
(He completely summurised all that needs to be done in America, he tells them ever so bluntly that it's not that a rosy picture after all.)
"On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord. On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn-out dogmas that for far too long have strangled our politics."
"In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less.It has not been the path for the faint-hearted, for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame.Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things -- some celebrated, but more often men and women obscure in their labor -- who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom."
"The nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous.The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our gross domestic product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on the ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart -- not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good."
"Our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken. You cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you."
"For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness."
"To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history, but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist."
"Our challenges may be new, the instruments with which we meet them may be new, but those values upon which our success depends, honesty and hard work, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism -- these things are old."
"the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:"Let it be told to the future world that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive, that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet it."'
Here are a few parts of the speech that i really like, taken from New York Times.
(you can follow the link to read the full text. It's worth reading!)
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/20/us/politics/20text-obama.html
"So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans. That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age.Homes have been lost, jobs shed, businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly, our schools fail too many, and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable, but no less profound, is a sapping of confidence across our land; a nagging fear that America's decline is inevitable, that the next generation must lower its sights.Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real, they are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this America: They will be met."
(He completely summurised all that needs to be done in America, he tells them ever so bluntly that it's not that a rosy picture after all.)
"On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord. On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn-out dogmas that for far too long have strangled our politics."
"In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less.It has not been the path for the faint-hearted, for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame.Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things -- some celebrated, but more often men and women obscure in their labor -- who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom."
"The nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous.The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our gross domestic product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on the ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart -- not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good."
"Our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken. You cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you."
"For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness."
"To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history, but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist."
"Our challenges may be new, the instruments with which we meet them may be new, but those values upon which our success depends, honesty and hard work, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism -- these things are old."
"the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:"Let it be told to the future world that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive, that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet it."'
Sunday, January 18, 2009
One Last Chance
.2009.
What does it actually hold?
A bleak economy?
More disasters?
OR
A time for change?
and a time to hope.
I'm placing my bets on the latter.
After all, hope is all that I am hanging on to. I'm given one last chance, one last chance for change. I want it, with every breath I take I yearn for it and with every last ounce of my strength I will fight for it.
It's my last chance, and even if I have to lose my life to fight for this, I will.
What does it actually hold?
A bleak economy?
More disasters?
OR
A time for change?
and a time to hope.
I'm placing my bets on the latter.
After all, hope is all that I am hanging on to. I'm given one last chance, one last chance for change. I want it, with every breath I take I yearn for it and with every last ounce of my strength I will fight for it.
It's my last chance, and even if I have to lose my life to fight for this, I will.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)