I haven't had a day of peace since I got my results last Friday. Not that my results were bad, in fact, this semester's was pretty ok. I Thank God for that. Like I previously said, this was the one time where I felt the least prepared for an exam yet I felt so at ease during it. It can only be God's Grace.
Apart from that bit of consolation, it has been an emotional ride the past few days. It's like, having to decide my future in such a short span of time. It's a decision I have to make that will chart the course of my life, where I would go, who I would meet, what I would do and the kind of life I would be living.
If you ask me.. I wanna be a dentist. I truly do. I'm not being stubborn, I just know that I would be able to help people and reach out the the underprivileged. I mean, I don't doubt that some get into this profession because they love it, others, simply cause having the "DR" in front of their name is a form of status symbol. While others are in it for pragmatic reasons. For me, I want to be in it to be able to help others experience the same change I felt. A change that was from well and deep within. Because I know how life changing it is and because I know how blessed I am, I wanna be able to share this blessing and gift with others. It's as simple as that. Yet, why is it so hard to believe?
I'm going to try my hardest, exhaust all possible means to do this. But if.. at the end of the day, I still fail, at least I fail dignified that I've given it my best and I have no regrets.
I got a verbal offer to the Hotel School Sydney, it's a business admin course concentrating in hotel management. I had an interview with the administrator and she didn't bother asking me about my grades, she just knew I had a BSc and she offered me a place. I don't know what she saw, but I believe she saw something in me that I never knew I had. "You're the kind of student we're looking for" were her exact words.
This is my greatest dilemma, do I give up fighting for something I love so much because there is such a wide open invitation for me? Or do I enrol myself for a course that doesn't guarantee me a place in dentistry, but only a place in health sciences, and see how I do for the first year? you know.. I'm at a loss.. An internal struggle.
With all the "What If's" just popping into my head.. all the questions about what is meant for me. I know God has a plan for all of us and He gives us choices.. But I honestly don't know which ones to choose cause it's been a tough journey and most of the time, it hasn't been easy making that choice.
What then should I do?
The next question others ask me, is whether I am up to be in the hotel line, simply cause it's so different from being a dentist. True. But it's the second thing that I am that bit confident of doing and excelling. Service is never a problem for me, but people doubt my abilities to face the ugly side of life, cause of the impression they have of me.. Maybe an impression that I'm sheltered and spoilt?
To be honest, I don't ever think so. If there's something I eat, it's the humble pie. What I have, what my parents give me and provide for me.. it's all because of God's grace. But it didn't come without effort. I saw how hard my parents had to work, our line of work is something that is more humbling and more taxing than anything. It's in no way glamorous nor easy, working 12 to 18 hours a day is the norm. Waking up at 3am to supply our clients is something that happens every other day.
In what way am I spoilt and sheltered? No doubt, my parents are strict with me, I have rules to follow and abide, But often, how many children my age actually listen and not revolt and rebel? I abide not because I have to, but because I want to.
I know how ugly the world is, I know how pragmatic it is. I've seen it all. That doesn't mean I have to live my life the way the world shapes it and THAT doesn't make me sheltered.
These are things that I don't seem to understand. what's the world coming to? where Clubbing puts you in the "in" crowd and smoking is perceived as cool. Drinking till your liver fails is the common hobby and catching up with friends is done on a dance floor in a club with loud pounding music? Explain to me which of these make any logical sense?
The fact that I choose a life that is NOT like that doesn't make me sheltered, it just means I have more logical sense and probably just a different perception in life and for life. For those who ask me.. "So what on earth do you do if you don't do all of the above" all I can say.. is I Live my life and do things that YOU don't.
No comments:
Post a Comment