Time will tell

Exams are coming up and revision is up to my neck. I know this is my last lap and deserves my best effort, but I cannot help but feel so burdened. On my back, the weight of expectations and weighing my heart down, my dream and my desires.

I spoke to someone the other day, one who is a wonderful child and creation of God, and I felt the reassurance about this, about what I want. I want to be a dentist, not because I'm stubbornly hanging on to this, but because I know just where my path is heading towards to.

I want to be able to give my best to be people who needs this, I want to put a smile on faces, for those who cannot afford it, I want to do it for them. I am not here for the money and like I told him, I am really blessed and I know it is for me to share this gift of blessings with the less fortunate. I wanna go on medical missions, to fix teeth, to help improve dental health. This is my desire, my innate desire of servitude. I just don't understand why it is so hard for me to just get there, to do what I believe I can do.

For the many who are in the position to learn this skill, I don't know how many actually have this same heart of giving and service. People I know can see it, I just need those who can make a difference see my passion for this. I question myself, maybe this is just not God's will for me, cause all doors seem to have been shut, but when I pray and ask about it, the desire just grows stronger and stronger, people encourage me to not give up and here I am, torn, because I don't know. Is God putting me through a test? Did He put up all these obstacles so that I will give it my very best when I am able to cross it all? Did He put them up to let me know just how badly I want it and when He gives it to me, let me know what He wants me to do with the skill? I don't know.

I suppose only time and only HE can tell.