I think these two weeks have been rather harsh emotionally.. I mourned with a friend over loss, prayed and hoped alongside another while her family fought, thankfully victoriously, against cancer, I said pre-mature "goodbyes" to friends whom I wish I had more time to know, to friends, who I may not spend a lot of time with or known very well, yet, whose very presence has made such a significant difference to my life. The thought that I'd possibly never see them again, never be able to say that casual "hey, how are you going" along the corridors of college. Perhaps I'm just an emotional type of person, but it really took a toll on me. A good cry didn't even work this time.
I think of all the "worries" that have been burdening my heart and wonder, how does it compare to all of that? All the questions of.. "I wish I knew.." all seems so redundant. Why do affairs of the heart affect me that much, a girl that uses her head more than her heart? Or rather, attempts to rule her heart with her head.
I know time will tell, whether or not it's meant to be.. and if it's not, I'm sure time will take the pain while I grow out of him. I don't know. It's just frustrating simply cause I wish I knew how he was feeling right now, it's not easy to just not think of someone and wait for him to sort himself right, without knowing whether or not it's all in vain.
Right now, I know my exams are a lot more important than this, I know my second greatest love (God being my first) requires my absolute attention and that's what it will have. It's just when I'm taking a blog break that I ponder.. that I think.. I wish life didn't have THAT many surprises, or surprises within surprises. He was a surprise, but who knew, he had another surprise for me when he came into my life. I was watching Mr Bean's holiday for a bit, and was reminded of what my mom said, that he had mannerisms like Bean's.. though I know it wasn't a compliment from her side of the story, but it's what I find absolutely endearing.. It's his eccentricities that I've grown to like. I do, I really do see his faults, but at the same time, I know those are the things that make him him, and faults that don't seem to matter when I see what draws me to him and that extra thing, that I've still yet to figure, that grips me.
At times, I really wish I knew what it was and it'd be easy for me to let it go, like sand in the wind. Perhaps I'm just a hopeless romantic.. Or maybe I'm really not as good as I claim to be at taking my feelings in hand.
I got reminded of a song, a song that I really loved years ago.. and I think.. if I can, I want to dedicate it to my special someone, who ever you may be, be it.. you, or someone I've yet to meet.. Its lyrics depicts aptly my feelings for the person who'll make claim of that "special someone" in my heart..
That's when I love you - Aslyn
When you have to look away
When you don't have much to say
That's when I love you
I love you, just that way
To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
That's when I love you
I love you, endlessly
And when your mad cuz you lost a game
Forget I'm waiting in the rain
Baby i love you,
I love you anyway
Here's my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
That's when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
That's when I love you, no matter what
So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made you cry
That's when I love you
I love you a little more each time
And when you cant quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
That's when I love you
I love you, more than you'll know
And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Baby I love you, I love you anyway
Here's my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
That's when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
That's when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
That's when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
That's when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
No matter what
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