From dentistry, with love

I have never, NEVER been so tired and stressed out in my life. Really.

Not O's, not A's, not even uni days.

The last week of October to the end of November is just all about assessment after assessment, exam after exam. I'm not kidding, just the sheer content and volume of things that we have to know is just insane. What's worse is that every freaking exam is a barrier, ie: you can't afford to fail. It just all adds up.

To be really honest, I've never put in so much effort into a semester as I did this one. I was keeping up with lectures and notes and it still isn't enough. I don't know. I'm just really really tired.

I love this, I won't trade this for the world, but I really am knackered. To my bones, no wait, not even that, to my marrow. Countdowns for an exam have never been THAT long, that tedious.

I don't know many who would understand what I'm going through, and I don't wish this upon anyone either. It's almost so hard to comprehend for non-dentally related people to why a profession about teeth would require that much effort, THAT much studying.

This is not just a matter about dexterity, practical abilities and patient management. It's is ALL of that and complex hospital politics and insane amounts of theory that you have to read up, on your own. If you haven't been taught and it's examined, TOO BAD FOR YOU, cause this is dentistry and they don't have all the time to teach you, you should have read up on your own.

This is a course that requires you to pull in about 36 to 40 contact hours, 30 hours in good weeks, out of which, 4 to 6 hours are spent in lectures. ONLY THAT.. and the rest, in clinic, in lab and in the library planning for your next patient. I don't know why/how they expect us to do our own "STUDY" outside of school.. I can try to cover lecture materials, but I barely have enough time left to breathe and to do that extra reading up. seriously.

I know guys.. "It's just teeth right?" just think for one second, at the end of 5 years, I have to independently provide treatment for you, in your mouth, for a whole range of problems. We have to be trained to be GOOD ENOUGH for that. Doctors have their internships and residency to make their mistakes and learn, but we.. We're on our own. and you don't want us to stuff up.

I really am awfully tired. Best end of the year present, from dentistry.. with love.

Extras from dental school

They weren't kidding when they said that these were the extras that came with dental school:

1. Temporal mandibular joint pain
2. Stress induced grinding and gingivitis
3. Sleep deprivation
4. Caffeine addiction
5. Analgesic reliance

I like exams, but not THIS MUCH! Can't wait for the hols!

E . X . A . M . S

I'm exhausted from studying. I love everything I'm studying and doing, but it's getting soooo draining. =( 10 units isn't normal! Having twice (or more) exams than the normal is NOT FUN! Having it stretch over such a long period isn't either! What's worse... exams cover the year's WORK!

This is worse than my A levels repeated twice! I don't think I even studied this hard for something so major!

Definitions

"The thing I find very weird about you is who you choose to go out with. I don't understand why, of all people, are you going out with him" - Miss X

Miss X, who shall not be named, asked me this one day. Perhaps it's not only her but a few others who question my relationship with Sherwin, who question my choice. Miss X qualified her statement by saying "He doesn't even own a car and he's not like rich or anything and doesn't earn a lot of money. You can go out with someone better".

I wonder how many people actually think that way.

I am saddened, just saddened by the thought that some people put a price to a relationship. I know to some extent, my mother feels the same way, and we just simply give the excuse of them being Asian, being protective. But I know, this pursuit for wealth and for marrying well isn't just as simple as, being Asian.

It's the lack of understanding of God, of God's love and sacrifice. It's that void, the God like void in their hearts that has yet to be filled. They crave, always crave for that something better, that someone who is wealthier, smarter and better looking. It's the lack of God in their life, that they fail to understand that we're all made equal and special in God's eyes. It's the lack of understanding that when we put these terms and conditions to a relationship, it's akin to saying that these are the things that we define ourselves by.

It's simple. How we define ourselves, is the same very way we define and qualify others and to deem whether they are worthy or not, whether they are an "investment" worthy of our time. I thank God for the day He saved me and gave me His salvation, I thank God every single day that I was given the understanding beyond this pragmatism, I am thankful everyday that I don't define myself by what I do/study, how much I earn and what I wear.

I don't define myself as a dental student and what not.. things that people put to your name. When people introduce you, "hi, this is so and so and she's a dental student..." it doesn't make me any happier, it just saddens me that that's all I have been defined as in their eyes. Being in a healthcare profession or even allied health, doesn't make us more "professional" nor is our status more prestigious. I am a child of God, I am a servant.. being a dentist doesn't make me smarter or better than someone else. I am just a child of God. Why can't people understand?

I love what I do by the Grace of God, not for money, not for fame, I love it because it has been a calling from God. It is my way of serving His kingdom, my way of bringing Him glory. What purposes He has for me, I don't know yet, BUT I know, His will, I will follow.

I love the man I'm going out with and I know the Lord has blessed my life with him. I love him for the fact that he has the courage and tenacity to pursue what he loves and not just any money making job. I love the fact that we both want excellence in what we do. I love the fact that he adores children like I do and has such a loving heart for animals. I love him because he knows me, understands me and even though he isn't the richest of men, he provides for me and loves me in his own way. I don't need a guy who buys and showers me with gifts. Don't people get it. I am not that kind of girl and it saddens me when friends ask me that, because that's the kind of person they think I am.

I know it isn't the easiest relationship to be in, nor the most convenient, simply cause of some parental objections, but I know it's cause they've yet to meet Sherwin, they've yet to understand and see the bond and love we share. I have grown to care and to love this wonderful man in my life. I do deserve better, I know that, and that's why I'm thankful that God has given me His best. I'm not going to define and qualify my relationship based on the terms of the world.. My T&Cs have been fulfilled and upheld in His name!

Socially Awkward =)

It's really interesting how the mind changes with age and experiences.

It's interesting when I go onto facebook and scroll through the newsfeed and see something new about an old schoolmate. You know, the one whom you found really cute in school? Or about the popular crowd at school or about that cool chick that you always wished you were? And it's such a bizarre feeling when I look at them now and just wonder why I ever EVER had the slightest bit of admiration for them. Rather, those who were cute.. are.. NOT so cute now. You know, they seem to have gone past their peak, their peak was in secondary school or JC, but they've stagnated. It's weird how I would have wished to want to be in their shoes, even for awhile in the past, but right now, I'm happy I was neither riding on their coat tails or swooning over those boys.

Perhaps I was a rather odd one. You know, the awkward girl (I still am), keeping her head down and never wanting to attract attention.. The one that never broke the rules, the teacher's pet, the one that went straight home from school and had tonnes of tuition. The girl who never wore her skirt above her knees and never tried to modify her uniform to look cool. The girl who embodied the exact definition of uncool. Yea.. I am that girl, I was and I still partially carry her in me.

I don't know how much of that my friends actually knew. Perhaps I am not as weird or awkward as I think myself to be, but oddly enough, I am silently proud of who I am and what I stand for. I never found pleasure in being like everyone else, I never found joy in being one of the "mean girls" and moving up the social ladder at the expense of someone else. I'm not the nicest person on earth, but at least I know, I try to be. I wonder what kind of people some of my peers have become? I wonder what their pursuits in life would be?

If experiences in life shape your choices and your destiny, then I truly do wonder what kind of choices they would make in their life. What would they do to get what they want?

I know I will always be that slightly socially awkward person, but I know I will be one who would be there when you truly need a helping hand, the awkward girl who would sit and listen to you, laugh and cry with you. I'm not the nicest person on earth, but I know everyday I try to be as Christ like as I can be. I don't really know what got into me to write this post, but I guess things have become quite sour amongst a few cliques in dental school and I feel like i've been thrown back into Secondary school again. It's just a recollection of these emotions again and realizing that some people are just the same, in Aust or in Singapore, or in any part of the world.. There will always be THOSE people, the "popular", catty, bitchy bunch, and there will always be the socially awkward me.

Perhaps..

I'm in the middle of studying for a test and I guess I just want to let some thoughts out, like in harry potter with the Pensieve, I need my blogsieve.

I'm just pondering upon the thought of.. when is it the right time to say "why do I even bother?". I can't seem to bring myself to act on it, I'd be lying if I said I never think of that, but I've never acted upon it. Somehow in that heart of mine, I just can't bring myself to. Perhaps it's just altruistic? That I can't bring myself to not care or give up trying and stop hoping.

If someone you care about don't make it an effort to remember what you've done for them or given them, or not remember any of the somewhat comforting promises they make, when then do you say, "honestly, why do I even bother?". Is there a number to it? I know of many people who'd be mad/disappointed that all of their love and effort was not remembered or even unfortunately, forgotten. I would like to be mad, I'd like to be angry, but at the end of the day, I'm neither of that, just slightly cut/hurt that all that effort wasn't worth remembering.

It does come to a point in my head where I ask myself, why.. and my only logical answer to that is.. Love. Just like how God loves.. He never gives up, He never stops loving. so why should we?

Does this count as discontentment?

Perhaps I try too hard or too much and I shouldn't. Perhaps what they all say about letting someone love you more than you love them is right. Perhaps I'm just thinking a bit too much. Perhaps I'm just on one of those days and moments. But perhaps, just perhaps, there's a little part inside of me that wishes for that little bit more TLC. Just for a change, to be completely cared for and not needing to care. To perhaps have a splitting version of me, just caring and loving me the way I would others. I don't know why I have that many "perhaps" today.. I just do.. cause perhaps today.. I'm asking myself.. why do i bother.

Random thought of the day..

As a healthcare professional, I'm responsible for someone's well being, especially their dental/oral health, but who then, takes care of us and our well being? When you're in an institution that doesn't really care about you, BUT what YOU CAN DO for them, who then cares for your mental sanity? If you're always caring for others, do they actually reciprocate? Or are people in healthcare just innately caring yet low maintenance themselves?

I actually don't know. I'd love to say that we don't need that TLC, but sometimes it's good that others know that we're flesh and blood, that we burn out and we do appreciate that concern too. Sometimes it's just tiring to have to be that happy smiley person.

Things they never told you about being a Dental Student

Things they never told you about being a Dental Student

1. When people said, "Say goodbye to your life" when you enrolled, they WERE NOT kidding, they were merely stating a fact.

2. Your home basically becomes a place where you only sleep.

3. You spend so much of the day at uni that you only go home when it's dark and leave the next morning at the crack of dawn.

4. You learn how to speak "patient language" and somehow automatically switch that mode on when someone talks teeth.

5. You become hypersensitive to anything between teeth and feel absolutely comfortable telling someone that they have something between their teeth, regardless of whether or not they'll feel embarrassed. 

6. No matter how handsome/pretty someone is, bad teeth will always be a deal breaker.

7. Conversations always end up about teeth.

8. You get annoyed when someone says "medical school is so much harder", because you know that's not true! 

9. You realise most dental students fall into the same stereotype. Slightly obsessive, perfectionistic, high strung, probably mental, yet you'd proudly claim it.

10. You never realise just HOW politically correct your speech becomes, especially dealing with higher authority! 

11. You eat more junk than you ever have, drink more coffee or caffeinated drinks than ever, study about the bad eating habits and get away with it because... you're a dental student.

12. People judge your teeth when they know you're in dental school.. Which is.. Not fair. 

13. No one recognises the hours you spend in the lab to fabricate something for them, they only see it when it's flawed.

14. You never realise how emotional you can get when things go wrong, or how helpless you can feel about situations. Some situations in dental school.. you can never be in control of. 

15. You feel a sense of satisfaction when a patient remembers what you taught them about oral hygiene and when they thank you for cleaning their teeth.

After all the long hours, the sweat, the blood and the occasional tears, it becomes all worth it when you know you've changed a person's habits and showed them what clean teeth should really be. Yes. Dental school is all consuming, it demands excellence from you, it builds you up to be someone you were not, it gives you the responsibility of someone else's health, it tests your tenacity, your resilience and your perseverance. For many, it builds character. I won't ever say dental school is easy, much less encourage anyone to enrol unless they have real passion for it, because it's not for the fickle minded nor the faint hearted. It's not for the money nor the prestige, (let's face it, how prestigious is it looking down someone's throat everyday?). It's for the true desire to provide a service to help, to improve lives and make a difference. At least that's what dental school is for me. 

Contentment

What exactly is contentment?

Is contentment the state of always being joyful and happy? Can we be content in an unjust event, in unfortunate situations and draining circumstances? Can we truly be content in trying times?

The answer is yes. We can be content. Contentment, simply put, is the knowledge that despite the circumstance, you know God has His best interests for you, no matter how tough or how painful, you know His grace is sufficient. That you don't have to try or work to earn His love, He has already loved you and gone before all of your circumstances and taken control of it. Isn't that just a wonderful reality?

What I realised at the Perth Women's convention is also the fact that God didn't say you can't complain or grumble or be upset or lament at a situation. He wants you to.. But not to others about how He is insufficient, but to bring your cares and woes directly to Him and He will be gentle and loving to you. This is my father  who wants to hear me, He knows my worries and my woes, yet he hears me and holds me close. This is my father who loves me so dearly and in His love, I am content.

Isn't it bizarre? How we always crave and yearn for that something more when we have so much? Or how we easily complete the sentence of.. "I wish I had...", "if only I could..", "If only I had...". Perhaps it's these questions that cause our discontentment. Perhaps fulfilling these statements wouldn't bring us true contentment. Momentarily, for sure, but permanently? There must be something in this world that could satisfy us.. Right?

And it's so simple.. yet.. so easily forgotten.. If we aren't content, then why not look to the maker of the universe, the One who has everything and wants to give you everything in His kingdom? Would that not answer all of those questions and be a permanent solution to discontentment?

I wish for my friends to find contentment in the knowledge of God's Love and Grace. Because for once in my life, I am content. =)

Dating epiphanies

Mid exam period. Goodness me. I think stress has taken a different form and level. I've never felt that much fear and anxiety nor stressed induced crying. You may think I probably should have been quite accustomed to exam stress, just cause I've had so many already, but sitting for an exam for something that I love, is a totally different experience. I'm glad I had his shoulders to cry on and his embrace to give me comfort.


Well.. Just recently, I read an article online, and I find it funny cause I think every chef's significant other would have the same experiences about dating and about life. =)


Here's the article:

10 Things They Don’t Tell You About Dating a ChefPosted on May 17, 2012 by Terree

I recently came across this short article in Yahoo’s Shine by Tweeter/Blogger photographer Annie Wang Kraft and I can so relate to her. I’ve dated both doctors and chefs. Both have lousy hours – - but doctors generally make a helluva lot more money to make up for the crazy hours. On the other hand, most chefs don’t believe they walk on water, and are better lovers than doctors. So if you still have romantic notions about dating a chef, after reading the Top 10 below, then follow the link to her blog & Twitter page to read about her daily life.

1. They rarely cook for you at home. Everyone always assumes that I have a magnificent home-cooked meal waiting for me all the time, but that is far from the truth. Why? Because a restaurant kitchen is usually a million times more fun to cook and experiment in. It often has high end gadgetry that you probably do not have (or can fit) in your home kitchen. If you rent in New York City, then you might understand the rarity of a full sized stove and oven.

2. But you really do eat like a king or queen. Chefs are passionate about their art and they’re very serious about it. They show their emotions through food and they often use food to romance you. You’re in for a spectacular surprise once you dine in your significant other’s restaurant or meet them for lunch. They might just surprise you with a gourmet picnic meal.

3. Date nights are not on the weekends. I’ve come to accept the fact that I’ll have to go out to a lot of events and gatherings by myself. Weekends — aka when many social events happen — are the busiest days in the restaurant industry. But the great thing about weird chef schedules is that they often get Sundays or Mondays off — the perfect day to go to a new restaurant or cocktail lounge that’s normally hard to get into.

4. Every moment counts (maybe a little bit more). It’s so tough when they’re working nights and you’re working days that it can be difficult to find overlapping free-time you can spend together. I savor every little trip and outing with my husband — even grocery shopping. There was a period when we rarely saw each other, so much so that I would skip birthday parties and appointments to be with him. It’s difficult for some people to understand, but we’ve learned to make it work. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” sure sounds cheesy, but a chef’s wife knows it is probably true.

5. You get to experience an amazing variety of restaurants. I’ve been to tiny under-the-radar restaurants because my husband loves discovering new restaurants and trying new foods he hears about in the chef circuit. I would have never bothered to visit these eclectic mix of restaurants otherwise.

6. You’re going to learn so many crazy food words by accident. You’ll be spouting off words like “mignardises,” “transglutaminase,” and “thermal immersion circulator” before you can say Vol-au-Vent. You’ll hear chefs talk about cooking techniques or their newest experiments all the time like geeky teenage boys. Eventually, you’ll pick up the words and actually understand what they’re saying. If you asked me what these words meant before I met my husband, I would’ve given you a blank stare and assumed you were trying to explain a weird science fiction novel, but now I’m pretty much a food geek, too.

7. You become insanely sensitive to the dining experience. And you’ll garner sympathy for front-of-the-house staff and the kitchen staff. (Especially if you’re eating at your significant other’s restaurant.) Improper dining etiquette will annoy the hell out of you, like rude behavior (people who invite themselves to sit down when they don’t have a reservation) and crappy tipping (for the record, servers should be tipped 20%). Grr! I’m annoyed just thinking about these things. Let’s move on.

8. People will ask you for restaurant recommendations and cooking tips. Or they ask you to ask him. Because I’m married to a chef, I’ve suddenly become a walking cookbook/food guide. Sometimes people will ask me for recommendations for a cuisine I’m not familiar with and I’ll feel flustered or embarrassed for not knowing it (not that I’m supposed to anyways).

9. You’ll try foods you would normally never try. It usually starts out with my husband saying, “Here. Try this.” You might think that I’m gullible, but I trust him even though I’ve ended up trying all sorts of weird offal dishes because of him. I’m actually glad I just dig in and try all this unique food without asking. I’ve definitely become less of a picky eater and I do love fried sweetbread now (even though I still o not want to think too much about what it is, anatomically).

10. Patience is key, especially when you’re married to a chef. I’m still figuring this one out myself. Things will come up at restaurants unexpectedly. It can be anything from a group of diners who came in late, rowdy patrons at the bar, or something in the kitchen took longer to prepare than anticipated. He might not be able to get home until 3 a.m., and considering how little I see him, it can be particularly frustrating. Things happen that are beyond your control and the only thing you can really do it be patient and wait. But realistically, who wants to wait around for someone all night? Remember, though: you might go to sleep alone, but you’ll wake up next to the person you love — and it’s worth it.

Here's the link to the original article:Original article: 10 things they don't tell you about dating a chef

Well.. I guess I have to agree.. the longs hours, the hours of absence, the non-present presence in gatherings and the "I wish you were here" moments. I guess it takes a certain kind of girl to date a chef.. one who appreciates the what little, yet precious time we have together, one who enjoys food as much as they do, one who loves the person behind the chef whites to stand by him and brave the storms, come what may. Life may not be as easy or as rosy, but the journey.. spectacular. I guess what's key.. is not patience, but LOVE. and... I LOVE YOU!

Garments of the Lord

I've had a valuable weekend. To be taught a lesson on graciousness and love. SMA conference was such a blessing, just speaking to people in my profession, Christian dentists who uphold the value of Christian healthcare, who live by the word and for the word in our profession. It's not just about being a Christian in healthcare, but being Christian Healthcare. Doing every single thing for the Lord and through the Lord. 


I have often just relied on my own strength to achieve something, but how silly of me to think that God doesn't care about the little things I do. He does. He cares about every single thing that I do in dentistry, He'll use every moment to bless others and to show others His grace. It's not me in dentistry, I'm just a tool for God to do His works in dentistry. 


It was such an empowering message over the weekend, to be clothed in God's clothing. That's all we need. God has prepared the garments for us, garments of love


      " And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." -Colossians 3: 14


Love binds all other virtues together, v12 Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. These are how we are to clothe ourselves as Christians. To wear these garments and bless other people through it. People will be drawn to love, especially God's love. 


I can't help but feel so humbled by Grace, humbled because I know I often fall short of wearing these garments. My previous post is a good example of that and a reminder to myself that I often fall short of showing God's love. It is for me to consciously endeavour to clothe myself in the garments of the Lord. 

ONE SCUM

Just saying.. I'm writing this in a very very emotional state of mind, yet for some reason, rational. I'd like to be a girl and kick up a big fuss but I'm trying to find that patience in me to not. If you guys know me well enough, I'm GENERALLY a very nice person and I let things pass, not to say I let people walk all over me, but I let things pass. But sometimes when someone crosses paths with me and chooses to step on my toes, not once but all the time, then I have to apologise, cause this GENERALLY nice person will NOT BE ANYMORE.

Think of the most obnoxious person you've ever met in your life, multiply that by ten and place the most annoying face you can think of on that person, then piece that with the fact that he uses God's word against you to speak DOWN to you and not embody a single trait of God's word, yes.. place that with the fact that he is rude and arrogant too. (ok. you get my point)

Let's just say I had to work with such a person while organising an event, and it is THE MOST unpleasant experience ever. So much so that I don't even want to be a part of this anymore. It breaks my heart to say this, but I just can't find any "nice-ness" in me anymore to look this person in the eye without my blood boiling. And in true spirit of a lady, when you meet a prick as such, you do not confront, (because all well brought up ladies should never), but you treat them indifferently. You do not be mean to them or say anything inappropriate, because it's not befitting for a lady to do so.. So in your (rather, mine) sphere of life, this person VANISHES. i.e.: In my dictionary, he is non-existent.

So here's my dilemma, he's in the ex-co of the organisation that I'm in, and I'm in the ex-co too. What should I do? In all honesty, everyone would tell me to forgive and forget and you don't get to choose who you work with in life. Of course, I do understand that, but we are also given a choice to NOT WORK with them. To subject myself to anymore of his hypocrisy and arrogance would need me to be an eternal hypocrite, because I can't even bring myself to be politically correct and socially polite to him. (YES. you now know the extent to HOW PEEVED I AM)

I want to step down from my responsibilities, I'll tidy the knots and hand it over to them, but I really cannot see myself working with such a scum, I really can't. I have never felt so much anger towards one single person and I can't bring myself to be angry over someone unworthy of existence in my sphere of life.

I don't even know what the Christian thing to do is. Really.

On the brighter side of things, I'm so so blessed to have wonderful friends who so sacrificially offer their help. I'm so blessed to have friends who understand and care.. You know who you are. And of course, I'm so SO Blessed to have a boyfriend who stands up for me, who feels indignant for me, who would, I know, take down any guy who bullies me and comforts me the way I need to be comforted.

Indeed, sometimes you need scums in your life as a reminder of how wonderfully awesome those around you are.

Saw this on a website and decided that I should re-post it! 

You Should Date Someone Who Cares About You
MAY. 3, 2012 By NICO LANG




You should be with someone who values your time and calls when they say they are going to, who shows up on time to a date or texts you if they are going to be late. Spend your time with people who aren’t too important to look up from their phone and stop texting when you are speaking or who know not to answer unimportant calls when you are together. Someone who politely apologizes for taking that important call and knows who to pick up for. Someone who also knows that their parents and their grandparents are important in their life, too, and has a good enough relationship with their family to pick up when they call. Someone who still tells their mother or father “I love you,” even when they are in public, and who can’t wait to tell you, when the time is ready.

Date a person who is chivalrous, not as in “into patriarchy, paternalism and/or oppressing you” but as in someone who isn’t afraid to show they care about you. No matter your gender, be with someone who wants to open the door for you, just to smile as they watch you walk through it, and someone who lets you do the same for them. Someone who will pull out a chair for you or stand up when you leave the table, not because it’s expected of them socially but they want to show you how much your company means to them. Someone who wants to walk you home, not only to make sure you are safe but also because they want to spend more time with you and smile at you as your smile disappears behind the door. Someone who will wait up to hear you got home safe if they can’t walk you home and will ask you to walk them home, because they want to feel protected by you, too.


Seek out a mate who isn’t afraid to hold your hand or put their coat around you when you look cold, who knows that Public Displays of Affection aren’t as important as knowing you are cared for, even in small ways. Put your energy into a person who puts their energy and effort into you, someone who will buy you flowers if you like flowers or knows exactly what book you would want on your birthday. Someone who has listened to your opinions, your hopes and your desires enough to know the things you like and the things you don’t like, the correct ways to show you they care. Someone who knows to ask when you want to be held and caressed and when you want your space, when you want to have sex and what consent is. Someone who knows how important the word “no” is.


Date a person who tells you nice things about yourself and builds up your confidence but challenges you when you need to be challenged. You deserve to be with those who know when to argue and to call you on your bullsh-t, but also know when signals from you tell them to leave you alone and let it be. Someone who won’t let you go to bed angry and is willing to talk about what’s bothering you, if even what’s bothering you doesn’t quite make sense or seem that important to them. Someone who knows that personal relationships aren’t as simple as who is right and who is wrong, that your opinion and perspective are valid, even when the two of you totally disagree. Someone who knows you aren’t always right and they aren’t always right but are willing to affirm the person your belief system, because your opinions are a part of the person they adore.


Spend time with people who don’t make you choose between being friends and being lovers, who you feel like you can genuinely have fun and be comfortable with. You need to be able to be casual, hang out in your pajama pants and be like buddies sometimes, while also valuing the romantic side of your connection. Someone who (when you get that far) understands what balance is in a relationship, that sometimes you need to go out and do your own thing. Someone who trusts you to make your own choices and to come home and be with them at the end of the night without the need to interrogate you, or if you are in an open relationship, someone who always trusts that your connection is stronger. Someone who gets that being together and waking up together every day is a choice, one you have to continue to make and continue to commit to.


Date someone who wants what you want, who is open to the idea of the relationship you desire with another human being. You need to be with people who are open to what you have to give to them and are willing to match it. Someone who has communicated enough on the subject to know what you are looking for with someone, whether that be a fling, friends with benefits or a person to bring home to your parents or chosen family. Someone who isn’t afraid to give you what you want in life but also respects themselves enough to have standards and value what they need and deserve in this relationship (or even friendship!) Someone who isn’t afraid to let you know how they feel: about you, about life, about what’s important to them, about the future or about whatever is on their mind.


Life is short, so you shouldn’t waste it on someone who doesn’t understand you, refuses to try and get you, won’t put in the time for you, who is rude to you, your friends or to other people and doesn’t even call you. Don’t worry about if they read, if they don’t read, if they watch movies or if they’re into the wrong kind of music; worry about whether they care that you do. Details are important, but if the world ends this year, it’ll be more important to say you wasted the time you have left with someone who cares. 

Clinic Blessings

I used to think that being a dentist, I'd be able to bless people's life. I had all the intention to do what I can to make their lives better, to give them a gift of wonderful smiles, little did I know that the person whose life would change and would be blessed is not just theirs, but mine.

I finally have taste of what it is to be a true clinician. It doesn't matter anymore how well I perform on a dummy head, it doesn't matter anymore what my grades are, what matters is that my patients feel as comfortable as they can, what matters is that their well-being is taken care of, their concerns are addressed. What I thought being a dentist would be has turned out to be a dream come true, only better.

I enjoy my time with my patients, I love talking to them and doing what I can to give them my best. From 8 to 80, regardless of age, they've blessed my life and taught me lessons I never dreamt of having. It has truly been rewarding. I have been taught lessons of patience, of communication, of understanding, of genuine concern and most of all, love.

A patient of mine shared her love story with me and to see a 60 year old lady light up when she talks about her partner just brings so much joy to my heart. She talks to him like they are teenage lovebirds just falling in love again, she talks about him like he is such a treasure to her, he goes beyond the extra mile to care for her and to love her and despite her physical ailments, choose to marry her and take care of her. I respect that love, that intense chemistry and companionship. "How wonderful would that be for every girl to find that perfect man." those were her exact words.

For her, it was just a matter of marrying her best friend. As much as that may sound cliche to many, are words of true wisdom and experience. Girls in this day and age are looking for a guy to TREAT her like a princess, when what they should be looking for is a man who would CHERISH them like a princess. It is for a man to care for her and love her even more than the way he would care for himself. It is for a man to love her selflessly and put her in mind before anything else. These men are rare.

I wonder whether it is because we have STOPPED expecting. I know there are men out there who are like that and I know there possibly are men out there in the making to be like that. I am dating my best friend and he happens to be one of them.

Always a child

I was at Church today and had a chat with one of the ladies, a young mother of two. It was interesting, her thoughts on motherhood and how it exemplified our relationship with Christ, the more she told me, the more I realised, how terrible a child I am.

She gave me an analogy, how she wanted to take her two year old to SciTech for a day out, yet on the way to SciTech, her child kept pointing to a park and said "park, park, park". It was exasperating for her cause she wanted to take her child to a place that was more fun and more exciting than a park, yet all the child wanted was her way. She said, "I want to take her to a better place that would be ten times better than what she wants". 

Doesn't it just sound so familiar, how we as children think we know better and let our folly and ignorance get in the way of God's greater plans. Simply because we think we know better, or we're too stubborn and want our way. Isn't it so true that sometimes we fail to see His greater plans, we turn away from them to fulfil our own desires. How foolish are we.. How foolish have I been. 

She said, ''it's already so hard with a child, we know we love them to bits, yet we have to discipline them at times too.'' We want the best for them, yet they think they know best. Indeed. I image it to be so hard and tough with a child, what more a world of children who not only disobey, but deny, turn away and run from you time and time again. Yet, our God, being so gracious and loving, always chases us and welcomes us with open arms. 

What struck me even more at church today was the reminder that having faith the size of a mustard seed doesn't move mountains. In Mark 11:23 "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him". This verse is often interpreted as "name it and claim it" but what it's trying to tell us is faith in an act itself doesn't move the mountains, but absolute faith in the PERSON that can move the mountains does, and only God can. Having faith in HIM and HIS will, being obedient and walking with Him in life is what will move mountains. 

It was such a timely reminder of why I'm here and what I'm here for. It such a wonderful Palm Sunday message to bring home and to hold dear that even though I'm the child of God that so often chooses the park over His better plans, yet He still patiently waits for me to follow Him. I am such a blessed child, a child that has been given so much more than I deserve, only because of His grace. 

Saw this online and thought it'd be nice to share.. given the new age take on marriage, I think this is a good reminder that marriage isn't all rosy and sweet, but a journey that may be arduous and tumultuous and it is for us to "make the spark happen", for us to rough it out and for us to hold on to a holy covenant that marriage is exclusive, between a man and woman, for life. I want to make a home with the man I commit to loving for the rest of my life, I want our children to grow in a safe and loving home that they too may see the true essence and beauty of marriage.

A Letter to My Children About Marriage

by Kelly on February 2, 2012 in Legacy, Training Ground for Mature Adult Character

Dear Children,
Should the Lord give you the good gift of a husband or wife, and I hope He does, there are a few things I want you to know. Things that you may not hear from anyone else, and certainly not on TV or other media. Sadly, your church may not even tell you.

Marriage, sweet little people, is not for the purpose of your happiness. Happy as I want you to be and hope you will be, you must yet understand that marriage is God’s design and His purposes must be pursued in order for you to be truly happy. His end is holiness and He will use all things in a life devoted to Him to fulfill that end.

To my girls:
Marry a man whose first pursuit is Christ. After that, he is not hard to please. Admire him, cheer him on and show gratitude, and he will fall over himself trying to please you. Smile often, speak well of him always, and do whatever necessary to try and maintain a pleasant mood about you so that it transfers to your home, making it a place where he and your children love to be.
You’ll have bad days of course, crying days even, and that’s when you go to your bedroom, kneel on the floor and beg the Lord to carry you. Then get up, get a fresh perspective (crayons will come off the wall), and try again. Above all else, make a home.

To my boys:
Marry a woman whose first pursuit is Christ. After that, she may be hard to please only if you don’t know “the secret”. What is that? I’m glad you asked. The secret to pleasing your wife is to make her feel safe and treasured. You may have to move out of your comfort zone to do this at times. She won’t always readily translate the oil change to love, though it means that. But let me give you a “secret question”–a question you need to ask her often. It’s not just in the asking, though. Be sure to focus your eyes on hers, maybe even touch her shoulder or face, and then ask: “What’s on your mind these days? “ And then be ready to listen. She wants you to draw her out. She will perceive this as your protection over the matters of her heart. Tenderness, listening, protection. That’s what she wants.

To you all:
If your wife or husband does something really stupid, forgive. If they do it again, forgive again. Forgiveness must be the propelling force in your lives each day. Dwell on the strengths, push out thoughts of their weaknesses. Take every thought captive–choose to love.

Here’s that part you are not going to hear often:
If you find yourself “not happy”, having lost attraction, disinterested, etc., you are not permitted to even think about a divorce. If you find yourselves arguing more and more, don’t think for a minute that “the children will be better off out of this”, because they won’t.

The vows you took on your wedding day were not suggestions. They were covenant vows, before a Holy God, family and friends, to stay with this person the rest of your life, even if you don’t feel like it. You swore a solemn oath and if you can’t live up to it, don’t get married. Decide up front that your marriage is irrevocable. There is far more motivation for getting along if your “marriage house” has no door.

Do not share intimate thoughts or feelings with anyone of the opposite sex. Do not find yourself alone for any length of time with such either.

Divorce is not a “private option”. It will affect multiple families for many generations. When you “separate what God has joined” you permanently injure far more than just yourself.

Guard your marriage as fiercely as you would guard your own life. Treat your spouse as an extension of your flesh, just as God sees you. Treat your spouse like other family members. You know, “you gotta love ‘em, they’re the only family you’ve got”.

I want you to be happy, I surely do. But I will pray for you to be holy.

Can we be more conscious?

Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I could be apathetic, I wish I could not care, I wish my heart won't feel the pain, I wish I didn't cry at thoughts like that. Every time I watch the news, I hear of reports in the world of children being enslaved, of kids suffering the consequences of their negligent parents, of children being taken into child armies and of the many homes and lives lost due to natural disasters. 

It pains my heart every time I hear of it and visually seeing it makes my heartache so bad. I wish I could do something for them, I wish I can take them out of their misery, but I know, with what I have now, I can't do much but pray. To pray for their lives to be saved, for them to know the Lord, for Him to forgive their sins. 

Perhaps it's just me.. But I hope my friends and loved ones will feel the same for the less fortunate, to know how fortunate we are to have what we have and to appreciate the abundance that we enjoy. I wish for people to know that when we complain about the little we have, someone out there, has nothing. When we complain about the stresses of our education, there is a child out there who wishes for one and takes simple pride in a coloring book. When we wake up each morning hating what we do, wishing we could do something else in life, there is someone out there who is waking up wondering when their next meal will come. 

Maybe it's inconsequential to us, to our lives and what we do, but I do hope we stand up for injustice when we see it. I hope we feel indignant for the skilled worker that gets paid pittance for hours of laborious work for something that is charged 2000 times more. When we buy the next chocolate bar, coffee beans, cinnamon powder or even peppercorns, give thanks for what we have because someone spent hours harvesting, rolling and roasting them before they got to us, buy FAIR-TRADE even if it costs more. 

I just pray for more consciousness amongst this younger generation, I pray for people's heart to change and to have a social conscience. I pray that even though these people may seem to have very big problems in life, that they may receive Christ, because sin is a problem bigger than all of that, the absence of God in their lives is of greater urgency. 

Just like in Mark 2: 1-12

       1 "A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home.

      2 So many gathered that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them.

      3 Some men came, bringing to him a paralytic, carried by four of them.
      4 Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on.
     5 When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, 'Son, your sins are forgiven.'
     6 Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves,
     7 'Why does this fellow talk like that? He's blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?'
     8 Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, 'Why are you thinking these things?
     9 Which is easier: to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up, take your mat and walk'?
   10 But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins . . . .' He said to the paralytic,
    11 I'Il tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.'
    12 He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, 'We have never seen anything like this!"


Indeed, What is greater than our physical problems and circumstances, is our sin that paralyses us, our sin that can only be forgiven by God alone, our lives that can only be redeemed by Jesus's death for us. I pray for God's mercy to be upon them, upon the unfortunate and for those who yet to know Christ, accept him and have their sins forgiven. 

Life's little moments

Moving out has so far proven to be a great thing! =) I love the freedom of being able to cook for myself, having the discipline to wake up, bus to uni, be on time and still have time to get coffee on the way. Well.. There are inconveniences too, like having to take a bus home after uni and waiting under the hot sun before coming home to get changed for gym.. But then again, these are just minor lifestyle adjustments I have to make for a more wholesome overseas experience. After all, if I were to stay after my degree, this is what I've got to get used to right!

Anyway.. uni has been good so far. It has been rather intense (i'm sure its full potential of intensity has yet to be shown), but i've had a few late nights at uni and to be honest, I'm enjoying it. I'm loving 3rd year and its units as a whole, I'm learning more and getting more hands on! That's the part I enjoy!

I guess this may or may not come as a surprise, but I've finally taken that leap of faith and led at CNC last Sunday! It was a nerve wrecking experience before I went for my rehearsals, but somehow, I think the Holy Spirit led, it equipped and just empowered me. I've never felt more at ease on stage than that, I've never felt more confident or sang as soulfully. It is indeed what they mean when they say "God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called". =)

This week has been rather special for me, apart from starting it off at church, passing my barrier exam, finishing my crown preps and stuff.. Sherms made me cry.. He made me cry so hard.. and for the right reasons. I know it's not as if it's been ages since I saw him, in fact, he made me dinner on monday (which was awesome btw). But you know how it feels when you miss someone so terribly? It's bizarre cause I've never felt this way before. The feeling that I cannot get enough of him, that I'd like to spend every free moment with him to share every moment of our lives together. I'm not besotted and losing my mind. I know my priorities but it's an insane feeling to have. The way my heart feels when we part is like an aching pain yearning for the next time it reunites with its other half.

So.. Tuesday night or rather, wednesday morning at 1230am.. I got a call from him. My heart skipped a beat thinking that he was home and was calling me to catch up.

Then he said "Did you get my text?"
I said, "nope. Did you just get home?"
"Look out the window.." (I walked to the window) "Do you see a red blinking light?"

Honestly, I didn't know what to say or what to think for a moment.. and didn't even think of going down to see him until he said "would you like to come down to see me instead of the window?". He had cycled from work to home and stopped by en route. As much as it was on the way home, I still felt that sudden sense of warmth overwhelming me. That sudden realization of "this is why I'm in love with this man, this is why my heart feels the way it feels" and the tears just flowed, uncontrollably.

It may sound rather cheesy if I say it too many times, but it really feels like I've fallen in love for the very first time in my life.. (mushy content ahead.. You have been warned..)

Sherms, thank you for making me feel so special, so loved and so cared for. Thank you for being the man that you are and for being the man in my life. You make my heart beat rhythms it never had and dance so freely on the tunes of your love.. You, my dearest, are the other element to the chemistry of my heart.

TWENTY FIVE and counting...

So it's official.. I'm 25. Yes. Quarter of a century, good times. Well... My birthday was... Just another tuesday, so was valentine's day. Nothing spectacular, maybe apart from dinner with Emma, it was.. quiet.

 I suppose what got to me the most was when everyone started asking me whether or not I was going to do anything special with Sherms or what he'll be doing with me. Cause as much as I'd like to say that Valentine's day is just another day, it isn't. I'd like to have my partner spend that special day with me, but school and work just wasn't kind enough to offer us that luxury. Did I expect to feel this way on my birthday? I didn't, and I don't want to.

I've had worse birthdays before, ones where I'd block out for as long as I can and this would probably be one of them. Nothing to remember about, but everything to forget.

To make things a little better.. Perth decided to pull the Valentine's day card on me too. Everywhere I went.. it was just couples couples couples.. couples reservations.. couples menu.. like, seriously..?

Anyhow, I saw this video on Facebook and even though it's quite cheesy, it's rather sweet. =) and no.. That was not how valentine's day was like for me. Neither would I expect it to ever be. Just cause...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YLJjsCwLeww

Like they say.. No expectations, no disappointments. Something I've learnt after 25 years.. Only have expectations for yourself never for others. That way, you'll never disappoint yourself and never be disappointed by others because it was never meant to be to begin with.

Seasons

Two weeks into uni, though timetable isn't as full on as it should be (i.e. I still don't have to stay back for lab sessions yet), but this 8 to 5 timetable with half an hour lunch is going to be interesting. I am happy to be back and into the routine.

Well.. I've finally found  place to move out to, it's definitely further from St Catherine's to OHCWA, but its a place i can call my own. I really can't wait to cook for myself and be able to have a larger personal space. I'm not complaining about my college experience, I love it to be honest, but it's time to move on in life. =) Not yet in the PHASE of life, but in the different stages of it.

Apart from that, I'm quite excited about what this new year would hold and how God will speak His will into my life. I'm starting to lead at CNC, i'm freaking out, but I know there is no such thing as "this is not the season" because it will always be the season when it's God's will and intention. I know He has His great plans for my life and for my year. I heard this sermon on sunday at Sherwin's church, that "If you walk in obedience, you are under the authority of God and He is greater than all the seasons". So this year... Is the season of having an unreasonable illogical expectation and anticipation for my life. 

Something has changed..

Something inside me has changed and I don't know what. I can't exactly put a finger on it, I can't describe it either. It's the first time in my life where I wish to be away from home. It's not the freedom of staying abroad that I miss.. But just that sense of personal space to do my thing in my own time, to be able to plan my time and life the way I want to and not according to "because I say so" or "I like you doing things my way". Is it that far fetched a thought that what they like may not exactly be what I fancy?

I know being family does mean making sacrifices and helping each other out, but I think I've had almost enough. And perhaps it's just the desire to go back and start uni just cause it's getting boring here in Singapore. Of course.. It's also that desire to go back to see someone I love so dearly. Being apart for about 2 months doesn't seem like the longest time, but a minute of absence seems like a year of agony. Cheesy I know, but I finally understand why people spend everyday with their best friends. Perhaps I never had best friends and have never understood what it means to really want to share every moment in life with one person. It has always been a rather obscure thought, but now, I finally understand.

Coming back home just made me realize that being away puts you in an environment that induces rapid change. You have to learn to live out of your comfort zone, speak to strangers and face challenges knowing that there's no safety net to catch you if you fall. You're on your own, you make your own choices, who you meet and what you do. It's like an exponential growth of experiences. I have to admit, I was afraid of going away, I was worried I won't be able to cope, but perhaps all my life, everyone makes me out to be the most sheltered, the most cared for, yet now, when I think about it, I might just be the only one that was most ready. Ready to spread my wings, ready to grow, ready to be challenged, ready to desire excellence, ready to love myself, ready to face life head on and most importantly, ready to fully trust and obey.. To finally be able to serve the Lord uninhibitedly.

Sometimes I think God has the most wonderful way of writing a story, my life story. He took me on a few rounds before bringing me to my dreams. He brought be around so that when I embarked on something so precious, my journey would be blessed so abundantly with the right people. He brought me to them and them to me. I can't describe just how blessed I am.. To have met the friends that I have met in Australia. To have met people who have changed my life, taught me so much and just so willing to share their life with me. That to me... is something so precious.

What's changed? I truly don't know, but what I do know.. is that this post-australia, post-Sherwin Jocelyn is definitely very different from how I was and I'm liking this version of me so much more. 

In God's time

My First Blog post on my new laptop! Yes, I finally bought my macbook pro! =D I'm one happy girl trying to figure out how to go about using it and getting used to extra spaces between my letters on my keyboard! 

I have been rather amused of late. Random gym chat ups and funny people coming up to me and speaking to me in the mall. It's weird, but at the same time, it's quite nice getting compliments from time to time. Only until it starts getting awkward and weird. -_-"

Some of the hardest decisions to make in life are those that you have to make against what you desire just because you know that is what's best and practical. Some decisions you know you have to make that you know will hurt, but at the same time, it's good to start preparing yourself for it so that when it actually happens, it won't hurt as much. I know there are some who'd argue their case and say that it'd just be a self fulfilling prophesy, but I'd rather prepare myself for what might happen than to meet it head on unprepared. 

Sometimes you have to sacrifice what you love to pursue what you love to do for the rest of your life. That's occasionally the cruelty of life that something's gotta give for the pursuit of happiness. I pray for the courage to try things out when the time comes, I pray for the strength to not give up, but I pray too for the wisdom to know when to let things go, to have the courage to stand alone so that passions can be pursued. 

I've mentioned it before that there really is no greater testimony of God's grace than to be able to wake up everyday thankful that you love what you're waking up to do and to enjoy every hard waking moment of it. If he were to pursue his passions, I'd be more than happy for him, I'd celebrate with him, even if I know that at the end of the day, I might not be pursuing them with him. I know I'd still be glad for him and pray for him each day that he'd find that joy that I feel. 

I know it's at times silly for me to think so far ahead and to worry bout what might happen, but like I always am, I'd rather be prepared. I know I'd be in tears, but I know that at the same time, someone I love would be living a dream and that in itself is priceless. Everything in God's time. 

First random blog thought of 2012

I have been asked so many times.. So what are your 2012 resolutions? 

Apart from doing well in third year.. what else? Have a better 25 year old self! =D New and improved! I suppose trying to combat feelings of insecurity. After so many years of being in relationships and after so many months of being with sherms.. the feeling of vulnerability still gets to me. It's something that I don't like feeling, it's something that scares me and it's something that makes me run into guard up mode. It messes with my head a bit too much.. anyhow.. I guess 2012 is about working towards a Godly life, cause only He can take away all these insecurities and fears and He is the only person I can rely on! 

2012

First day of 2012! Happy New Year!

How awesome it is to start the New Year by thanking God for all the things that have happened the past year and thank Him because He is faithful and the year ahead will be full of His goodness! We were asked to take a moment to think of things, events and people in 2011 that we're thankful for, events or people that were so significant that we know it marks 2011.

Well.. I'm thankful that I got through second year dent! =) I'm even more thankful that I was able to come back in time for my Grandma, I'm thankful that the Lord preserved her for that few moments more for me to see her once again. I'm Thankful for the provision of my studies by my parents, I'm thankful that I could go on holidays without worry! I'm Thankful for that one combat class that I went to that allowed Sherwin and my path to cross.

I'm Thankful for the wonderful blessing of passion that I have for dentistry, I'm thankful that every morning when I wake up, I yearn so much to go to uni, I crave so much to be better, I'm thankful that I can live my dream. I'm Thankful for City Network Church and SMA, for the family they provide, the support that they give and just the tremendous grace that I've been blessed with being amongst my family in Christ. I'm Thankful for the growth in the Word and for the Word and Spirit that guides me.

I'm Thankful and blessed by the wonderful people in my life. My sisters and brothers in Christ, in Perth and in Singapore, who never judge and always willingly listen, understand, support and encourage. My wonderful friends in uni and my college mates. My old time friends from a long time ago who are ever so ready to receive me with open arms whenever I'm back. My Family who loves and supports me, my extended family and of course, my beloved special someone. The list is almost non exhaustive.

It took 5 minutes of reflection in one night to make me realize just how blessed I've been, how rich my life has been coloured by the love and presence of so many. I realize that whenever I feel alone, I just have to stop and remember that God has blessed me so abundantly and so graciously. I am so excited for the year ahead and the lessons I will learn from, the Growth I will have, the closeness of God and the wonderful abundance that the Lord has promised.

2012! It is going to be a year of God's providence!