Something has changed..

Something inside me has changed and I don't know what. I can't exactly put a finger on it, I can't describe it either. It's the first time in my life where I wish to be away from home. It's not the freedom of staying abroad that I miss.. But just that sense of personal space to do my thing in my own time, to be able to plan my time and life the way I want to and not according to "because I say so" or "I like you doing things my way". Is it that far fetched a thought that what they like may not exactly be what I fancy?

I know being family does mean making sacrifices and helping each other out, but I think I've had almost enough. And perhaps it's just the desire to go back and start uni just cause it's getting boring here in Singapore. Of course.. It's also that desire to go back to see someone I love so dearly. Being apart for about 2 months doesn't seem like the longest time, but a minute of absence seems like a year of agony. Cheesy I know, but I finally understand why people spend everyday with their best friends. Perhaps I never had best friends and have never understood what it means to really want to share every moment in life with one person. It has always been a rather obscure thought, but now, I finally understand.

Coming back home just made me realize that being away puts you in an environment that induces rapid change. You have to learn to live out of your comfort zone, speak to strangers and face challenges knowing that there's no safety net to catch you if you fall. You're on your own, you make your own choices, who you meet and what you do. It's like an exponential growth of experiences. I have to admit, I was afraid of going away, I was worried I won't be able to cope, but perhaps all my life, everyone makes me out to be the most sheltered, the most cared for, yet now, when I think about it, I might just be the only one that was most ready. Ready to spread my wings, ready to grow, ready to be challenged, ready to desire excellence, ready to love myself, ready to face life head on and most importantly, ready to fully trust and obey.. To finally be able to serve the Lord uninhibitedly.

Sometimes I think God has the most wonderful way of writing a story, my life story. He took me on a few rounds before bringing me to my dreams. He brought be around so that when I embarked on something so precious, my journey would be blessed so abundantly with the right people. He brought me to them and them to me. I can't describe just how blessed I am.. To have met the friends that I have met in Australia. To have met people who have changed my life, taught me so much and just so willing to share their life with me. That to me... is something so precious.

What's changed? I truly don't know, but what I do know.. is that this post-australia, post-Sherwin Jocelyn is definitely very different from how I was and I'm liking this version of me so much more.