Perhaps..

I'm in the middle of studying for a test and I guess I just want to let some thoughts out, like in harry potter with the Pensieve, I need my blogsieve.

I'm just pondering upon the thought of.. when is it the right time to say "why do I even bother?". I can't seem to bring myself to act on it, I'd be lying if I said I never think of that, but I've never acted upon it. Somehow in that heart of mine, I just can't bring myself to. Perhaps it's just altruistic? That I can't bring myself to not care or give up trying and stop hoping.

If someone you care about don't make it an effort to remember what you've done for them or given them, or not remember any of the somewhat comforting promises they make, when then do you say, "honestly, why do I even bother?". Is there a number to it? I know of many people who'd be mad/disappointed that all of their love and effort was not remembered or even unfortunately, forgotten. I would like to be mad, I'd like to be angry, but at the end of the day, I'm neither of that, just slightly cut/hurt that all that effort wasn't worth remembering.

It does come to a point in my head where I ask myself, why.. and my only logical answer to that is.. Love. Just like how God loves.. He never gives up, He never stops loving. so why should we?

Does this count as discontentment?

Perhaps I try too hard or too much and I shouldn't. Perhaps what they all say about letting someone love you more than you love them is right. Perhaps I'm just thinking a bit too much. Perhaps I'm just on one of those days and moments. But perhaps, just perhaps, there's a little part inside of me that wishes for that little bit more TLC. Just for a change, to be completely cared for and not needing to care. To perhaps have a splitting version of me, just caring and loving me the way I would others. I don't know why I have that many "perhaps" today.. I just do.. cause perhaps today.. I'm asking myself.. why do i bother.