Frustrations..

Sometimes the most frustrating person is also the person you love.

It's just hard when family is the reason why I can't pursue life as freely as I want to. Perhaps it's the curse of being the little one, perhaps it's the curse from coming from a family that just needs control. Or perhaps it's because it's a family that still has yet to find God and the contentment in life that His grace and love brings.

I don't know. I wish I had answers to why parents are the way they are. I wish I had that rebel in me who would not care. I wish at times I could just break away and be the person I truly am and not live under the shadow of someone who thinks that she knows best.

Perhaps I haven't been home and no one can understand the me that I've become. But I just wish, so badly, for her to understand how much misery her so called "love" is putting me under. She wants me to be happy and have a wonderful life, but i wish so much for her to understand that we have a different yardstick that we measure happiness by. I don't want a life like hers, I don't ever want to be like her or live in so much fear of judgement. Sometimes I wish she would know that the only person I live for and am accountable to is God, and God alone. I honestly don't care what the world says as long as I know it's right with God.

Sometimes a pretty picture isn't always what it seems.