I'm in the middle of my exams, I should really be studying, but just taking a step back, I realise I'm not exactly at the end/middle of my exams, in fact, this is just the beginning of a crazy ride. I've had 6 exams so for for semester one, not really including the mid semester ones, but anyway, 2 more to go, then 10 days back home, early start to the clinic life, the one exam, 2 assignments due, then a string of case presentations, exam again and our final fourth year exams in October.. THIRTEEN i think. Now... If someone were to say to me again, "how hard can drilling teeth be"... I can only say... "Good luck trying to fix it yourself!"
I have no regrets whatsoever embarking on this amazing journey I now call a blessing. I cannot describe the amount of stress and the ever present looming sense of failure when I'm trying to keep up with my requirements, they don't seem a lot for each speciality, but cumulatively with our clinic hours cut back, it's quite an uphill battle, (that, mind you, half of the previous year could not achieve with about 30 more clinical hours).. so that gives me great delight and hope knowing that I have set foot on the fourth year of my course trying to do what a lot of people can't.
It's interesting how I have this immense baggage on my shoulders and yet I feel this lightness in my heart, this joy, this immense joy in my heart because four years ago, it was bleeding so hard just to get into dentistry. I'd just like to take a minute to analyze this joy in my heart... is it the sense of satisfaction? the knowledge that I'm probably 7/10 of my way through the degree? Is it the immense love for my patients and for the fact that I can help make a difference in their lives and they too, have value added mine? Is it the child like spirit in me that loves making stuff, moulding and waxing, carving and fixing, like mini DIY projects? Perhaps it is, it probably is all of it. But I know most of all, I have such joy under such stressful circumstances because I know and I finally understand what it means when I say, "God has got my back". And He has. He has been faithful when I am not, He has been gracious when I've been rebellious, He has been merciful when I turned away, He has been patient when I've questioned Him, He loves me even in my most sinful state and I know He has given me this wonderful answer to my calling because He saw just how much I wanted it.
I know He has brought me so far, carried me through this time only to bring me closer to Him. It takes every ounce of my breath away knowing that He, the creator of all things, would do so much just to love me, just to bring me back to Him, to draw me closer to Him. Perhaps you wouldn't understand what this whole "God loves me so much" thing is about, but I can only pray that you, who is reading this post, will experience the same kind of overwhelming love that I have experienced. He's the one who matters, and the very fact that the one who matters loves me for who I am and for all the sins that I have done and will do, and still see the perfection in me when I'm like a broken bowl fallen to pieces, means that I, the broken fragments of a bowl is pieced together again and made new because of His sacrifice.
You wonder.. so what has this got to do with dentistry right? I can tell you, without His strength, I wouldn't have made it through the first year, without His grace, I wouldn't even have made it to dental school, without His providence, I wouldn't have the luxury to be studying here without any financial struggles, without God, I am nothing.
Perhaps this is growing up, it's about finally understanding the blessings you have and being grateful for them. It is knowing that you have so much more purpose in Life than what the world wants you to believe. Perhaps this is finding myself in God and not being drawn away by the mundane matters of the world, the numbers on the scale, the next new fashion trend, the next new makeup style, the hottest gossip, the snidest remarks, the wildest parties or the social scene. Perhaps this is what it feels like to know your calling, to pursue your calling, to want excellence in what you do because you know it is by grace that you're doing it. I'm doing what I love, because He loves me, and because He loves me, I love what I'm doing. That's my full circle moment during the exams. I hope you find yours too.
No comments:
Post a Comment