It's one of those nights where I'm in bed going.. When can I actually get to sleep. So instead of counting sheep, I decide I should do what I do best on sleepless nights. Blog. If you're a friend of mine and read my blog to keep abreast of what's going on in my life, I apologise for the lack of personal updates.
Life here has been fruitfully stressful. It's the exam period and I'm in my usual cranky, caffeine driven mode. I do love exams, it's just the period of studying leading up to it can be quite taxing and draining, but I'm fortunate that every single day, I'm reading something that I love! Apart from that, I reckon I'm fortunate that I wake up everyday to God's grace and blessings, and just recently, He blessed me with someone my heart has grown fond of.
I know many of my girlfriends will go.. "Boy Drama" again. It is in some way pretty amusing how I have many more episodes here in Perth than in Singapore. That said, I have to say, this one is pretty spectacular without much drama and I'd say, a breath of fresh air.
I believe we've watched many chick flicks through life and somehow, for me, I have been desensitized and skeptical about love, about "falling in love". I give a snide chuckle when I watch chick flicks and go.. "right.. I'm sure this happens all the time". Up until now, I never knew it could... I never knew Love actually happens..
It was one normal tiring day at uni and I was just going about my thing, sticking to my routine and hitting the gym for bodycombat after uni. As usual, I rock up late (my hospital is quite a distance from the gym, fyi!) and there was this dude, at the side of the class room with a clipboard taking (what i think) was notes. I didn't really think much or saw much of him really, my focus was just to start the class and get my workout done. Mid way through the class, I grab a drink and saw really just how bored he looked, perhaps he wasn't, but that's what I would have felt if I were in his shoes, just observing and not punching away with us. I make a comment "Aren't you bored?", he looked up, sort of puzzled by that random comment and went "no no, I'm taking notes."
Of course now retrospectively, there's his part of the story to tell.. Which was him walking past the gym while I was in a Spin class the next day, and he looked into the class and saw me. Apparently, according to him, I gave him a smile, (but if you've seen me enough in Spin classes, I smile at random times cause I'm sadomasochistic and I love the lactic burn in my legs), but he walked on and thought to himself that it's too much of a coincidence and if he were to see me again, he'd chat up, cause he won't know if he'd see me again. (of course, at that point, he didn't know that I go to the gym four to five days a week).
Next time I saw him again, was at my regular gym class, bodycombat of course.. For some reason, he ran the class and we did sort of a short circuit training kind of thing and we managed to chat, not so much during, but after. Had sort of a generic chat with him after class about other courses in the gym that could push me more than combat and I think.. that was it.. I was on a bike doing more cardio after the class that day and he came up to me and we started to chat.
I know.. Most random place to meet someone, what more me in my WORSE state ever! All sticky and flushed from my workout, huffing and puffing from my cardio.. Mascara sort of smudged. Great way to make a impression..
I still remember him talking about what he does and randomly going, "do you like coffee?" and of course, with my genuine love for the drink, I said "of course".. and I think you should know what happened there after.. No.. coffee did not happen that weekend but a weekend later. What we did do, was study together, go for a fitness class together (which completely killed me), had pre-coffee date coffee, then went for our little coffee date.
Does this sound like a story line for a cheesy romantic comedy? I reckon so.
But honestly, where I am right now, I am content. Would I be happy being single? Yes i would and I have no qualms with celebrating singlehood, but he was a pleasant surprise. I remember Brendon telling me that if a guy really likes you, he'd want to be the best for you.. and with him, I see that. He makes me smile, truly from the heart. I know there was a period of time leading up to this where I wasn't sure and I'd have ran if not for how sure he seemed and his persistence.
I obviously have my fears and insecurities about this relationship which I have told him about, but I'm thankful that he knows them and have shown me how much he's willing to overcome them with me. I can't believe just how different we've been brought up, yet so so similar at the same time. I believe we both have a passion for what we want to do, he loves cooking probably as much as i love teeth, only difference is, his doesn't sound too wacko, but mine does. =)
He takes care of me, gives me his coat when I'm cold, writes me little notes, delivers food to me when I'm ill and sits with me till I'm no longer pale. He whips up a meal and warms my heart and writes me his heart on a card..
There's just so much more I'd like to share and only that much I can type.. but in all, I guess I'm content and happy in the thought that Love Actually Happens.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
My thoughts on the Singapore General Elections
I am saddened. Truly and deeply saddened by Minister George Yeo's departure from Singapore's cabinet. Do we as Singaporeans know how to vote wisely?
During the recent general elections, I've seen so many once apathetic Singaporeans rise up to have a say in our politics. Standing behind the opposition and saying that it is time that PAP relinquishes their power. At this point in time, I question, do they truly know the repercussions of uninformed votes?
We crave for a voice that represents us in the parliament, for someone who'd stand up against the PAP. But does that mean we have to vote for the opposition?
I am appalled, truly bewildered that some people voted for the Reform Party. I question the quality of their representatives, their view on what truly matters and their representation of us in parliament and in the world. I am rendered speechless at some of the rallies, the issues that were raised were beyond mircoscopic.
Could I entrust my country, my home to someone who only has a microscopic view on the economy, on demographics? They raise issues like foreign expertise and talent, how they deprive Singaporeans of university places and jobs, but my question is, IF we are as good as them, we WILL and SHOULD rise up and pit ourselves against them and prove our worth. The betterment of a society is not about the exclusion of threat, but the inclusion of challenge. It says a lot about the people if all we do is exclude challenge. Are we then a nation that is onward, or are we a nation that regresses in complacency?
Do Singaporeans give thought about who they are voting out rather than who they are voting in? A smart voter would vote for someone who speaks for the people in a ruling party who CAN make a difference, not someone from the opposition whose voice may be heard, but overruled. An informed voter would put people who can see what the country NEEDS, what the people WANT and find a balance between the two, rather than just what the people WANT. At times, what we want may not be the best for our country and to put it bluntly, if our country doesn't prosper, we won't either.
What have we given up and done this general elections? We effectively voted out a minister with 23, TWENTY THREE years of political exposure and experience. I repeat, 23 years in which Minister Yeo served, he has been the face of Singapore to many countries, we have effectively thrown 23 years of man hours down the drain. Let's be honest here, we know how the world works and a lot of the time, it is the connections that get the job done, the people we know and the people who know us. Our net worth is as much as our network goes. So THANK YOU Singaporean Aljunied voters, you have dwindled our net worth as a country by 23 years of work. Well done.
Did it not cross anyone's mind that foreign ministers represent a country and other countries know us by who represents us? It saddens me so much to know that we've made a choice as such.. the damage and repercussions I cannot seem to fathom. Minister Yeo has done so much with such extraordinary vision, the affection, admiration and respect people have for him speaks volumes of him as a humble minister whose desire is for the people and his portfolio just adds so much more to him.
Don't get me wrong here, I am all for the voices of the people, I am all for capable opposition. Note, CAPABLE. As much as we can say we are a first world nation, we still have a long way to go as voters of one. Do we truly understand the power of democracy and are we well informed to cast an intelligent vote that would change the course of the country? Are we only interested in politics and the economy only during general elections and apathetic throughout? Do we only consider our interests rather than the interests of our country? Can we see things macroscopically?
I think we are still a young nation and our people have a lot more to learn and a long way to go in understanding democracy.
During the recent general elections, I've seen so many once apathetic Singaporeans rise up to have a say in our politics. Standing behind the opposition and saying that it is time that PAP relinquishes their power. At this point in time, I question, do they truly know the repercussions of uninformed votes?
We crave for a voice that represents us in the parliament, for someone who'd stand up against the PAP. But does that mean we have to vote for the opposition?
I am appalled, truly bewildered that some people voted for the Reform Party. I question the quality of their representatives, their view on what truly matters and their representation of us in parliament and in the world. I am rendered speechless at some of the rallies, the issues that were raised were beyond mircoscopic.
Could I entrust my country, my home to someone who only has a microscopic view on the economy, on demographics? They raise issues like foreign expertise and talent, how they deprive Singaporeans of university places and jobs, but my question is, IF we are as good as them, we WILL and SHOULD rise up and pit ourselves against them and prove our worth. The betterment of a society is not about the exclusion of threat, but the inclusion of challenge. It says a lot about the people if all we do is exclude challenge. Are we then a nation that is onward, or are we a nation that regresses in complacency?
Do Singaporeans give thought about who they are voting out rather than who they are voting in? A smart voter would vote for someone who speaks for the people in a ruling party who CAN make a difference, not someone from the opposition whose voice may be heard, but overruled. An informed voter would put people who can see what the country NEEDS, what the people WANT and find a balance between the two, rather than just what the people WANT. At times, what we want may not be the best for our country and to put it bluntly, if our country doesn't prosper, we won't either.
What have we given up and done this general elections? We effectively voted out a minister with 23, TWENTY THREE years of political exposure and experience. I repeat, 23 years in which Minister Yeo served, he has been the face of Singapore to many countries, we have effectively thrown 23 years of man hours down the drain. Let's be honest here, we know how the world works and a lot of the time, it is the connections that get the job done, the people we know and the people who know us. Our net worth is as much as our network goes. So THANK YOU Singaporean Aljunied voters, you have dwindled our net worth as a country by 23 years of work. Well done.
Did it not cross anyone's mind that foreign ministers represent a country and other countries know us by who represents us? It saddens me so much to know that we've made a choice as such.. the damage and repercussions I cannot seem to fathom. Minister Yeo has done so much with such extraordinary vision, the affection, admiration and respect people have for him speaks volumes of him as a humble minister whose desire is for the people and his portfolio just adds so much more to him.
Don't get me wrong here, I am all for the voices of the people, I am all for capable opposition. Note, CAPABLE. As much as we can say we are a first world nation, we still have a long way to go as voters of one. Do we truly understand the power of democracy and are we well informed to cast an intelligent vote that would change the course of the country? Are we only interested in politics and the economy only during general elections and apathetic throughout? Do we only consider our interests rather than the interests of our country? Can we see things macroscopically?
I think we are still a young nation and our people have a lot more to learn and a long way to go in understanding democracy.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Oxymorons
Oxymorons - a figure of speech that combine contradictory terms
I think my life exemplifies that. Or rather, I think I have the tendency to put myself into them. Why? How? Why? How? I honestly don't know..
I love clarity in my life, I love situations to be as uncomplicated as possible, and likewise, relationships. But somehow, for some inexplicable reason, I end up in them. Perhaps in pursuit of clarity, I complicate things, in my head at least. For example, when someone says, "don't put all your eggs in one basket" in relation to relationships, my mind and brain just fires off at tangent.
First train of thought goes like this: "So, I'm one of the baskets, and that means I'm an option and thus he should not be a priority, and if that's the case, then I have to pull away to guard my heart, but if I don't allow myself to get to know the person, I'd never know him better. But But But.. if a guy isn't sure about you, then you should protect yourself and not let them in. So... RUN?!?!"
Second train of thought goes: "You believe in the same thing too. So it's good that you are on the same page. but wait.. that means he isn't serious about this. So I shouldn't go on because it's a waste of time, but I don't know whether or not I can be serious about this either. So it should be alright.. right? But he should lead the relationship and if he isn't sure, then why not wait for him to be sure before even letting him be a part of your life."
Third thought goes: "Right. Guards up NOW!! Immediately! Jocelyn, he isn't worth you thinking so much of if he isn't serious. If you're just an option, then walk out right now until he knows what he wants, until he sees your worth and pursues your heart."
Just imagine 20 or 30 of these thoughts running through my head simultaneously. I don't know how I do it either, but I just do. Part of me knows that at this stage in my life, I'm happy where I am, I would like to have someone to be a part of my life, but I need to be sure that this person is sure as well, but for that to happen, there will be a stage of "confusion" and that throws me off my clarity balance and my initial reaction is to... RUN. Am I a commitment phobe? Yes... and.. No? I think I'm phobic until I make up my mind and that's when my commitment is set and it's all or nothing. See what I mean by I exemplify oxymorons?
Why is it so complex? It's not supposed to be right? I know people just tell me to let it be, let time tell.. but.. All my questions need an answer and I feel exasperated when I don't get my answers and that adds to my confusion and leads to my withdrawal. Which honestly.. it's such a vicious cycle really. That's just the logical/rational part of me kicking in and I don't know what to do.
I wish I can just untangle my brain!
I think my life exemplifies that. Or rather, I think I have the tendency to put myself into them. Why? How? Why? How? I honestly don't know..
I love clarity in my life, I love situations to be as uncomplicated as possible, and likewise, relationships. But somehow, for some inexplicable reason, I end up in them. Perhaps in pursuit of clarity, I complicate things, in my head at least. For example, when someone says, "don't put all your eggs in one basket" in relation to relationships, my mind and brain just fires off at tangent.
First train of thought goes like this: "So, I'm one of the baskets, and that means I'm an option and thus he should not be a priority, and if that's the case, then I have to pull away to guard my heart, but if I don't allow myself to get to know the person, I'd never know him better. But But But.. if a guy isn't sure about you, then you should protect yourself and not let them in. So... RUN?!?!"
Second train of thought goes: "You believe in the same thing too. So it's good that you are on the same page. but wait.. that means he isn't serious about this. So I shouldn't go on because it's a waste of time, but I don't know whether or not I can be serious about this either. So it should be alright.. right? But he should lead the relationship and if he isn't sure, then why not wait for him to be sure before even letting him be a part of your life."
Third thought goes: "Right. Guards up NOW!! Immediately! Jocelyn, he isn't worth you thinking so much of if he isn't serious. If you're just an option, then walk out right now until he knows what he wants, until he sees your worth and pursues your heart."
Just imagine 20 or 30 of these thoughts running through my head simultaneously. I don't know how I do it either, but I just do. Part of me knows that at this stage in my life, I'm happy where I am, I would like to have someone to be a part of my life, but I need to be sure that this person is sure as well, but for that to happen, there will be a stage of "confusion" and that throws me off my clarity balance and my initial reaction is to... RUN. Am I a commitment phobe? Yes... and.. No? I think I'm phobic until I make up my mind and that's when my commitment is set and it's all or nothing. See what I mean by I exemplify oxymorons?
Why is it so complex? It's not supposed to be right? I know people just tell me to let it be, let time tell.. but.. All my questions need an answer and I feel exasperated when I don't get my answers and that adds to my confusion and leads to my withdrawal. Which honestly.. it's such a vicious cycle really. That's just the logical/rational part of me kicking in and I don't know what to do.
I wish I can just untangle my brain!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Chemistry - the science of love?
Why do they call it chemistry? Is it cause of all the chemical reactions that take place in your body when you meet someone? Or is it the chemical reactions between you? Pheromones in the olfactory bulb on your cribriform? Or the endorphines that run through your veins? Reflexes that make you vasodilate, blush and feel butterflies in your stomach?
Or, did some random guy, a long time ago, think of this as a reason to run/go into a relationship? It's something you can't really argue right? If he says,"we can't be together cause we lack chemistry (aka: the spark)" or when he says, "I think we should be together, cause we have so much chemistry".
It's not quantitative, sort of qualitative and it's absolutely subjective.
Question is.. Is chemistry enough? Can it last?
I reckon every start of a relationship needs a little bit of chemistry.. Nothing would really work when the science of it doesn't work right? Simple equation, addition of reactants - chemistry - reaction. I honestly wish it were that simple.
My head. My heart. My head. My heart. My head. My heart.
One's trying to out rule the other and I don't know which is going to win really, but I reckon only time can tell and will tell if my heart and my head can come to common consensus, which I think, would not be too hard a thing to do. I hope God will speak to my heart and lead my head to His will!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Holiday reflections
Easter holiday was so timely. I just needed to go away from everything and just be with people who I know truly care and love me. College has been taking a toll on me. I don't dislike it, but I don't enjoy living here anymore. There's too much drama, far too mundane, that goes on. People too ungracious with distasteful attitudes. That's more or less life, I know, you don't get to choose who lives in the world around you, but I reckon, I should get to choose who I live with, and I just want to get out of here.. PRONTO!
Apart from that, Adelaide was beautiful! At least I was shutter happy! Took so many photos over the span of three days that I wonder, how did I even do that! But above all the nice shopping, (thanks to my big brother and his girlfriend for sponsoring my little splurges), what I hold close to my heart is when my brother prayed for me. The first time in my life, he prayed for me, while driving me to the airport. I cannot describe just how this makes me feel, but it meant so much so much to me. I know at times I don't say it enough or show it enough, but if I could, I'd really want him to know just what it meant to me, that simple prayer meant the world to me. It is also through this that I know that God is working in my family, that He answers our prayers. I hope, one day, I can have the same prayer with my parents too.
Well.. I miss my family so much. My parents and especially lil Jadon. I can't help but want to fly back to singapore to see him grow up, I want to be there when he takes his first step. I'm his auntie Joce, yet I'm so far from him. I want to read him stories and fairy-tales, teach him how to count and teach him the alphabet.. I guess I can only wait till the holidays. But as of now, I think I'm taking care of his lil wardrobe.. You're never too young to have style right! =D
Apart from that, Adelaide was beautiful! At least I was shutter happy! Took so many photos over the span of three days that I wonder, how did I even do that! But above all the nice shopping, (thanks to my big brother and his girlfriend for sponsoring my little splurges), what I hold close to my heart is when my brother prayed for me. The first time in my life, he prayed for me, while driving me to the airport. I cannot describe just how this makes me feel, but it meant so much so much to me. I know at times I don't say it enough or show it enough, but if I could, I'd really want him to know just what it meant to me, that simple prayer meant the world to me. It is also through this that I know that God is working in my family, that He answers our prayers. I hope, one day, I can have the same prayer with my parents too.
Well.. I miss my family so much. My parents and especially lil Jadon. I can't help but want to fly back to singapore to see him grow up, I want to be there when he takes his first step. I'm his auntie Joce, yet I'm so far from him. I want to read him stories and fairy-tales, teach him how to count and teach him the alphabet.. I guess I can only wait till the holidays. But as of now, I think I'm taking care of his lil wardrobe.. You're never too young to have style right! =D
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Thoughts that overwhelm
.STRESS. Strength Through Reaching Ends, Skies and Stars. No.. I'm not delusional. Yes.. I'm Stressed. First time ever in my life, I'm actually stressed out. Clinic drains me and there's so much material to cover I wish I had 48 hours to spare a day. But sadly, as special as I think I am in God's eyes, He's not giving me that privilege.
I've heard enough of.. "you're too hard on yourself". Really? Am I?
You don't really know how hard you are on yourself or how far you're pushing yourself until you actually do. Fact is.. True to an ACS line.. "the best is yet to be", simply cause if you push and stretch yourself that much further, you can reach even further, even higher. That's not to say to stretch till you snap, it's stretching your limits, your boundaries, your capabilities so that you can do more and be more. I don't think that's asking too much of myself or me coming too hard on myself. Especially if it's for something that I love, for something that I'm passionate about.
Truth is, my life is good, great and amazing in fact. I look at what is happening around the world and just realize how small and how insignificant my worries are. Compared to a child who has lost her parents in the earthquake, or the family that has lost everything in one day, or the fear and turmoil to be living in in the middle east.. My life has the peace like a river. God has been so gracious and so generous with His love, that someone as undeserving as me have what I have. I have His love, I have His mercy, I have His wrath turned away from me.. I have His promise of eternity, I have His promise of His kingdom. Me. Small insignificant me. 1 out of 6 billion, 1 out of the whole universe and galaxy. He has chosen me and given me all these. How can I not be overwhelmed?
I've heard enough of.. "you're too hard on yourself". Really? Am I?
You don't really know how hard you are on yourself or how far you're pushing yourself until you actually do. Fact is.. True to an ACS line.. "the best is yet to be", simply cause if you push and stretch yourself that much further, you can reach even further, even higher. That's not to say to stretch till you snap, it's stretching your limits, your boundaries, your capabilities so that you can do more and be more. I don't think that's asking too much of myself or me coming too hard on myself. Especially if it's for something that I love, for something that I'm passionate about.
Truth is, my life is good, great and amazing in fact. I look at what is happening around the world and just realize how small and how insignificant my worries are. Compared to a child who has lost her parents in the earthquake, or the family that has lost everything in one day, or the fear and turmoil to be living in in the middle east.. My life has the peace like a river. God has been so gracious and so generous with His love, that someone as undeserving as me have what I have. I have His love, I have His mercy, I have His wrath turned away from me.. I have His promise of eternity, I have His promise of His kingdom. Me. Small insignificant me. 1 out of 6 billion, 1 out of the whole universe and galaxy. He has chosen me and given me all these. How can I not be overwhelmed?
Sunday, April 3, 2011
My encounter with natural teeth and courtship!
It has been an amazing yet extremely tiring week. I don't even recall doing as much this week.. In fact, I've never felt so exhausted from uni. I think drilling just drains me. That said, we drilled into natural teeth this week and it was nothing short of AMAZING! I kid you not! The feeling of the drill/bur into natural teeth feels so different from what we're doing on the frasaco teeth. Yes, I may seem overly obsessed with dentistry and drilling, but I can't help but feel so blessed to be in dental school. The sweet sounds of the drill, the adrenaline that runs through my veins when I pick up my high speed hand piece and just the concentration needed to create a conservative preparation.. These drive me, motivate me and empower me. Dent school is, without a doubt, a pressure pot, yet I know, I won't want any less of it!
I'm STILL reading Boy Meets Girl, simply cause I don't really have as much time for a book as I would love to, but I really am starting to love the term.. COURTSHIP. It's a time where you get to know one another to see if you're ready/compatible for a relationship. To be a boyfriend/girlfriend in his terms means to get into a relationship that is pre-engagement of that sort, that being a boyfriend/girlfriend would be being in a relationship with the intention of marriage. That, of course, in our social context, may seem like a whole load of bull, but it truly makes a lot of sense.
Courtship is when you maintain friendship, getting to know the person in his/her environment, when they are interacting with their friends, when they are truly them. We tend to rush into relationships too prematurely in this day and age.. I don't deny falling prey to the emotions, the bubbly airy feeling love brings and wanting to be with someone you feel has gripped your heart. Retrospectively speaking, I reckon that's why those relationships were a thing of the past. Oh well.. I used to say that I'm ready for a relationship, but I suppose I have to take that back now, I'm ready for courtship.. and only ready for a relationship when I've found that special someone God has planned for me. For now, I'm courting a passion called Dentistry!
I'm STILL reading Boy Meets Girl, simply cause I don't really have as much time for a book as I would love to, but I really am starting to love the term.. COURTSHIP. It's a time where you get to know one another to see if you're ready/compatible for a relationship. To be a boyfriend/girlfriend in his terms means to get into a relationship that is pre-engagement of that sort, that being a boyfriend/girlfriend would be being in a relationship with the intention of marriage. That, of course, in our social context, may seem like a whole load of bull, but it truly makes a lot of sense.
Courtship is when you maintain friendship, getting to know the person in his/her environment, when they are interacting with their friends, when they are truly them. We tend to rush into relationships too prematurely in this day and age.. I don't deny falling prey to the emotions, the bubbly airy feeling love brings and wanting to be with someone you feel has gripped your heart. Retrospectively speaking, I reckon that's why those relationships were a thing of the past. Oh well.. I used to say that I'm ready for a relationship, but I suppose I have to take that back now, I'm ready for courtship.. and only ready for a relationship when I've found that special someone God has planned for me. For now, I'm courting a passion called Dentistry!
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