Easter holiday was so timely. I just needed to go away from everything and just be with people who I know truly care and love me. College has been taking a toll on me. I don't dislike it, but I don't enjoy living here anymore. There's too much drama, far too mundane, that goes on. People too ungracious with distasteful attitudes. That's more or less life, I know, you don't get to choose who lives in the world around you, but I reckon, I should get to choose who I live with, and I just want to get out of here.. PRONTO!
Apart from that, Adelaide was beautiful! At least I was shutter happy! Took so many photos over the span of three days that I wonder, how did I even do that! But above all the nice shopping, (thanks to my big brother and his girlfriend for sponsoring my little splurges), what I hold close to my heart is when my brother prayed for me. The first time in my life, he prayed for me, while driving me to the airport. I cannot describe just how this makes me feel, but it meant so much so much to me. I know at times I don't say it enough or show it enough, but if I could, I'd really want him to know just what it meant to me, that simple prayer meant the world to me. It is also through this that I know that God is working in my family, that He answers our prayers. I hope, one day, I can have the same prayer with my parents too.
Well.. I miss my family so much. My parents and especially lil Jadon. I can't help but want to fly back to singapore to see him grow up, I want to be there when he takes his first step. I'm his auntie Joce, yet I'm so far from him. I want to read him stories and fairy-tales, teach him how to count and teach him the alphabet.. I guess I can only wait till the holidays. But as of now, I think I'm taking care of his lil wardrobe.. You're never too young to have style right! =D
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Thoughts that overwhelm
.STRESS. Strength Through Reaching Ends, Skies and Stars. No.. I'm not delusional. Yes.. I'm Stressed. First time ever in my life, I'm actually stressed out. Clinic drains me and there's so much material to cover I wish I had 48 hours to spare a day. But sadly, as special as I think I am in God's eyes, He's not giving me that privilege.
I've heard enough of.. "you're too hard on yourself". Really? Am I?
You don't really know how hard you are on yourself or how far you're pushing yourself until you actually do. Fact is.. True to an ACS line.. "the best is yet to be", simply cause if you push and stretch yourself that much further, you can reach even further, even higher. That's not to say to stretch till you snap, it's stretching your limits, your boundaries, your capabilities so that you can do more and be more. I don't think that's asking too much of myself or me coming too hard on myself. Especially if it's for something that I love, for something that I'm passionate about.
Truth is, my life is good, great and amazing in fact. I look at what is happening around the world and just realize how small and how insignificant my worries are. Compared to a child who has lost her parents in the earthquake, or the family that has lost everything in one day, or the fear and turmoil to be living in in the middle east.. My life has the peace like a river. God has been so gracious and so generous with His love, that someone as undeserving as me have what I have. I have His love, I have His mercy, I have His wrath turned away from me.. I have His promise of eternity, I have His promise of His kingdom. Me. Small insignificant me. 1 out of 6 billion, 1 out of the whole universe and galaxy. He has chosen me and given me all these. How can I not be overwhelmed?
I've heard enough of.. "you're too hard on yourself". Really? Am I?
You don't really know how hard you are on yourself or how far you're pushing yourself until you actually do. Fact is.. True to an ACS line.. "the best is yet to be", simply cause if you push and stretch yourself that much further, you can reach even further, even higher. That's not to say to stretch till you snap, it's stretching your limits, your boundaries, your capabilities so that you can do more and be more. I don't think that's asking too much of myself or me coming too hard on myself. Especially if it's for something that I love, for something that I'm passionate about.
Truth is, my life is good, great and amazing in fact. I look at what is happening around the world and just realize how small and how insignificant my worries are. Compared to a child who has lost her parents in the earthquake, or the family that has lost everything in one day, or the fear and turmoil to be living in in the middle east.. My life has the peace like a river. God has been so gracious and so generous with His love, that someone as undeserving as me have what I have. I have His love, I have His mercy, I have His wrath turned away from me.. I have His promise of eternity, I have His promise of His kingdom. Me. Small insignificant me. 1 out of 6 billion, 1 out of the whole universe and galaxy. He has chosen me and given me all these. How can I not be overwhelmed?
Sunday, April 3, 2011
My encounter with natural teeth and courtship!
It has been an amazing yet extremely tiring week. I don't even recall doing as much this week.. In fact, I've never felt so exhausted from uni. I think drilling just drains me. That said, we drilled into natural teeth this week and it was nothing short of AMAZING! I kid you not! The feeling of the drill/bur into natural teeth feels so different from what we're doing on the frasaco teeth. Yes, I may seem overly obsessed with dentistry and drilling, but I can't help but feel so blessed to be in dental school. The sweet sounds of the drill, the adrenaline that runs through my veins when I pick up my high speed hand piece and just the concentration needed to create a conservative preparation.. These drive me, motivate me and empower me. Dent school is, without a doubt, a pressure pot, yet I know, I won't want any less of it!
I'm STILL reading Boy Meets Girl, simply cause I don't really have as much time for a book as I would love to, but I really am starting to love the term.. COURTSHIP. It's a time where you get to know one another to see if you're ready/compatible for a relationship. To be a boyfriend/girlfriend in his terms means to get into a relationship that is pre-engagement of that sort, that being a boyfriend/girlfriend would be being in a relationship with the intention of marriage. That, of course, in our social context, may seem like a whole load of bull, but it truly makes a lot of sense.
Courtship is when you maintain friendship, getting to know the person in his/her environment, when they are interacting with their friends, when they are truly them. We tend to rush into relationships too prematurely in this day and age.. I don't deny falling prey to the emotions, the bubbly airy feeling love brings and wanting to be with someone you feel has gripped your heart. Retrospectively speaking, I reckon that's why those relationships were a thing of the past. Oh well.. I used to say that I'm ready for a relationship, but I suppose I have to take that back now, I'm ready for courtship.. and only ready for a relationship when I've found that special someone God has planned for me. For now, I'm courting a passion called Dentistry!
I'm STILL reading Boy Meets Girl, simply cause I don't really have as much time for a book as I would love to, but I really am starting to love the term.. COURTSHIP. It's a time where you get to know one another to see if you're ready/compatible for a relationship. To be a boyfriend/girlfriend in his terms means to get into a relationship that is pre-engagement of that sort, that being a boyfriend/girlfriend would be being in a relationship with the intention of marriage. That, of course, in our social context, may seem like a whole load of bull, but it truly makes a lot of sense.
Courtship is when you maintain friendship, getting to know the person in his/her environment, when they are interacting with their friends, when they are truly them. We tend to rush into relationships too prematurely in this day and age.. I don't deny falling prey to the emotions, the bubbly airy feeling love brings and wanting to be with someone you feel has gripped your heart. Retrospectively speaking, I reckon that's why those relationships were a thing of the past. Oh well.. I used to say that I'm ready for a relationship, but I suppose I have to take that back now, I'm ready for courtship.. and only ready for a relationship when I've found that special someone God has planned for me. For now, I'm courting a passion called Dentistry!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Reflections during a boring lecture
A moment during service, I felt God's spirit move within me and uplift me. I was nervous singing on stage, yet I know on stage, His presence stilled me. I let it go at the last song, indeed, I'm not ashamed of the gospel, and there's so much freedom in His truth!
With so much going on at home, I really do yearn for everyone to hear of His gospel, I want my family to be saved, I yearn for them to receive salvation. Because you want to share the best with your family, what more a gift so great like His grace and His justification. The thought pains me that at the end of the day, we might not be in the same place for eternity. The only thought that brings me some solace is that hopefully, with God In my life as a testimony and perhaps them hearing of His grace, that at the end of the day, at the last breath, they seek Christ to save them, they call out to Him.
Well. After service, one of the aunties was speaking to me and we were just talking about age and settling down. I agree with her when she says we have to find ourselves as women first before finding someone to settle down with. And I think what's more important than finding ourselves is finding God in our lives. We should also as women, while trying to find that special someone, we work towards building ourselves into the woman God wants us to be. Building up on skills like motherhood, taking care of their husbands and all the other Godly attributes. That's all for now. God bless!
With so much going on at home, I really do yearn for everyone to hear of His gospel, I want my family to be saved, I yearn for them to receive salvation. Because you want to share the best with your family, what more a gift so great like His grace and His justification. The thought pains me that at the end of the day, we might not be in the same place for eternity. The only thought that brings me some solace is that hopefully, with God In my life as a testimony and perhaps them hearing of His grace, that at the end of the day, at the last breath, they seek Christ to save them, they call out to Him.
Well. After service, one of the aunties was speaking to me and we were just talking about age and settling down. I agree with her when she says we have to find ourselves as women first before finding someone to settle down with. And I think what's more important than finding ourselves is finding God in our lives. We should also as women, while trying to find that special someone, we work towards building ourselves into the woman God wants us to be. Building up on skills like motherhood, taking care of their husbands and all the other Godly attributes. That's all for now. God bless!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
When Boy meets Girl
Am currently reading Joshua Harris's Boy meets Girl and I'm starting to like the term COURTSHIP. That's it! It may seem like the most hackneyed term to use, but that's what we need! Courtship before relationship. I'll blog more about it when I have the time. I just liked the quotes he used from Elisabeth Elliot about the roles of men and women, it's in the chapter, "If boys were to be Men, would girls be Ladies?"
I do agree with him on the counts on where society is about gender roles and it's so baffling to me cause I am proud to embrace being a lady and the roles we have as women. I have things I've gotta work on, but I have no desire, what so ever, of putting on the pants and being the man!
Here's what Elisabeth Elliot wrote, "The world cries for men who are strong-strong in conviction, strong to lead, to stand, to suffer. I pray that you will be that kind of man- glad that God made you a man, glad to shoulder the burden of manliness in a time when to do so will often bring contempt." I pray this for my male friends, that you will stand up and rise up from being boys and undertaking the manly roles God has ordained for you!
And for the women, she wrote, "A real woman understands that man was created to be the initiator, and she operates on that premise. This is primarily a matter of attitude. I am convinced the woman who understands and accept with gladness the difference between masculine and feminine will be, without pretense or self-consciously, woman". I also like how Josh Harris also talks about cultivating the attitude that motherhood is a noble and fulfilling calling and to not be shy about embracing it and to practice homemaking skills, encouraging men/brothers in Christ to compliment sisters when they strive to learn these skills! Amen!
I do agree with him on the counts on where society is about gender roles and it's so baffling to me cause I am proud to embrace being a lady and the roles we have as women. I have things I've gotta work on, but I have no desire, what so ever, of putting on the pants and being the man!
Here's what Elisabeth Elliot wrote, "The world cries for men who are strong-strong in conviction, strong to lead, to stand, to suffer. I pray that you will be that kind of man- glad that God made you a man, glad to shoulder the burden of manliness in a time when to do so will often bring contempt." I pray this for my male friends, that you will stand up and rise up from being boys and undertaking the manly roles God has ordained for you!
And for the women, she wrote, "A real woman understands that man was created to be the initiator, and she operates on that premise. This is primarily a matter of attitude. I am convinced the woman who understands and accept with gladness the difference between masculine and feminine will be, without pretense or self-consciously, woman". I also like how Josh Harris also talks about cultivating the attitude that motherhood is a noble and fulfilling calling and to not be shy about embracing it and to practice homemaking skills, encouraging men/brothers in Christ to compliment sisters when they strive to learn these skills! Amen!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Zone out
Sometimes, just sometimes, I fall into this zone, a zone where I reckon no one, but God, can take me out of. I'm not upset, I'm not unhappy, I'm not angry, I'm just not feeling right.
When someone you know leaves the world, someone you know hasn't received Christ, the loss is even greater and the pain even more. I ask myself why I never did share His word with him, was I too young, too immature and too incompetent to share His word with someone so much older.
It pains me so much to know that someone has left this world without receiving His salvation. My heart cries and aches at that thought. I think about all my family, friends and people that I love who have yet to receive Christ.. How much time do I have left to bring them to salvation? The thought scares me.. What happens if they never do?
I know I'm content at this point in time. I know I have the Lord's peace with me.. but at the same time.. As much as I try to think and tell myself it's over, it's all over and I've moved on, I know part of me hasn't. My intuition doesn't allow me to move on from where I left off. I am content, but my heart knows better that that's not all. I really don't know what to do. Lord. If this is not of your kingdom and not from you, please take it away.
When someone you know leaves the world, someone you know hasn't received Christ, the loss is even greater and the pain even more. I ask myself why I never did share His word with him, was I too young, too immature and too incompetent to share His word with someone so much older.
It pains me so much to know that someone has left this world without receiving His salvation. My heart cries and aches at that thought. I think about all my family, friends and people that I love who have yet to receive Christ.. How much time do I have left to bring them to salvation? The thought scares me.. What happens if they never do?
I know I'm content at this point in time. I know I have the Lord's peace with me.. but at the same time.. As much as I try to think and tell myself it's over, it's all over and I've moved on, I know part of me hasn't. My intuition doesn't allow me to move on from where I left off. I am content, but my heart knows better that that's not all. I really don't know what to do. Lord. If this is not of your kingdom and not from you, please take it away.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
My Father's Love
Being back down under for a week feels a little surreal, being in year 2 dentistry is amazing. It's one of the best gifts I have been given in my life! I think God has blessed me with such tremendous grace that I'm overwhelmed. I heard in church today, that grace is mercy of the undeserved love God has given. Indeed, He has been merciful.
I start year 2 with so many challenges yet at the same time feeling so refreshed and invigorated. Jadon's birth was such a good reminder that God is THE creator of all things and He has indeed prepared for us in our lives an amazing journey and has given us His kingdom. Whenever I look at him, I am reminded of just how blessed I am.. That God is such an amazing God.. How we can be conceived in the womb, how we grow in our mother's bodies, how a ball of cells just multiply, divide, differentiate to become us. How we were born so innocent, so blameless, yet bearing the weight of original sin.. How we become the way we are and receive the grace of faith to be justified, to be atoned. I think of all that and remember Christ dying on the cross for me, for my sins, just so that He can turn away God's wrath, so that I can be in His presence. I am just choking with emotion right now.
Jadon reminds me of so many things I'm not and at the same time, so many things I wanna be. A baby, so small, yet such a bundle of joy, a baby so tiny, yet evokes emotions in me I never knew I had. Every time i think of him, I'm reminded of how blessed i am. I love my little one to bits.
Being back in Singapore and just being around my family and friends, made me realise one single truth.. That I truly am Singaporean, there's no where else I'd call my home. At least after this holiday, I'm pretty sure I'm going back to Singapore to practice and I'm now just waiting for God to open the doors of specialisation for me.
I had the most amazing time back home.. I made new friends, found better friends in some and was just able to be blessed by their love. I know I've truly let things go and just be able to understand and answer so many questions. I was always troubled by the question of what God really wanted me to learn from my relationship with Chris, it was one where I was prayerful, it was one where I really waited on the Lord.. and one day, it just snapped in me that I finally know what now.
All my life I've always thought that anything's alright, I can compromise, I can get used to things, I can grow to love someone, I can grow to overlook all his faults.. But I think God just wanted me to tell Him what I truly felt, what I wanted. That I was not alright with certain things, that I had a list, that it was alright for me to bring these requests to Him. He wanted me to know that He was my Father, my Father who wants the best for me, a Father who wants to have these conversations with me.. A Father who was waiting for His child to lay all her burdens at His feet.
That was all.. And it's so freeing so liberating to know. I know there are somethings that I can't live with and some things that I can stand and it's not alright, that I can't change nor compromise. I can never take that city girl out of me, I can never live a life without my high heels, I can never take that maternal instinct out of me and I just have to embrace all of that, all of me that I think was not worthy of or not good enough for has to be dismissed simply cause I am, I am God's creation, I am His child.. I am proud to have what I have and be who I am.. Because His children are all perfect in His eyes. I feel so different, so free, so in awe in my Father's love.
I start year 2 with so many challenges yet at the same time feeling so refreshed and invigorated. Jadon's birth was such a good reminder that God is THE creator of all things and He has indeed prepared for us in our lives an amazing journey and has given us His kingdom. Whenever I look at him, I am reminded of just how blessed I am.. That God is such an amazing God.. How we can be conceived in the womb, how we grow in our mother's bodies, how a ball of cells just multiply, divide, differentiate to become us. How we were born so innocent, so blameless, yet bearing the weight of original sin.. How we become the way we are and receive the grace of faith to be justified, to be atoned. I think of all that and remember Christ dying on the cross for me, for my sins, just so that He can turn away God's wrath, so that I can be in His presence. I am just choking with emotion right now.
Jadon reminds me of so many things I'm not and at the same time, so many things I wanna be. A baby, so small, yet such a bundle of joy, a baby so tiny, yet evokes emotions in me I never knew I had. Every time i think of him, I'm reminded of how blessed i am. I love my little one to bits.
Being back in Singapore and just being around my family and friends, made me realise one single truth.. That I truly am Singaporean, there's no where else I'd call my home. At least after this holiday, I'm pretty sure I'm going back to Singapore to practice and I'm now just waiting for God to open the doors of specialisation for me.
I had the most amazing time back home.. I made new friends, found better friends in some and was just able to be blessed by their love. I know I've truly let things go and just be able to understand and answer so many questions. I was always troubled by the question of what God really wanted me to learn from my relationship with Chris, it was one where I was prayerful, it was one where I really waited on the Lord.. and one day, it just snapped in me that I finally know what now.
All my life I've always thought that anything's alright, I can compromise, I can get used to things, I can grow to love someone, I can grow to overlook all his faults.. But I think God just wanted me to tell Him what I truly felt, what I wanted. That I was not alright with certain things, that I had a list, that it was alright for me to bring these requests to Him. He wanted me to know that He was my Father, my Father who wants the best for me, a Father who wants to have these conversations with me.. A Father who was waiting for His child to lay all her burdens at His feet.
That was all.. And it's so freeing so liberating to know. I know there are somethings that I can't live with and some things that I can stand and it's not alright, that I can't change nor compromise. I can never take that city girl out of me, I can never live a life without my high heels, I can never take that maternal instinct out of me and I just have to embrace all of that, all of me that I think was not worthy of or not good enough for has to be dismissed simply cause I am, I am God's creation, I am His child.. I am proud to have what I have and be who I am.. Because His children are all perfect in His eyes. I feel so different, so free, so in awe in my Father's love.
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