A moment during service, I felt God's spirit move within me and uplift me. I was nervous singing on stage, yet I know on stage, His presence stilled me. I let it go at the last song, indeed, I'm not ashamed of the gospel, and there's so much freedom in His truth!
With so much going on at home, I really do yearn for everyone to hear of His gospel, I want my family to be saved, I yearn for them to receive salvation. Because you want to share the best with your family, what more a gift so great like His grace and His justification. The thought pains me that at the end of the day, we might not be in the same place for eternity. The only thought that brings me some solace is that hopefully, with God In my life as a testimony and perhaps them hearing of His grace, that at the end of the day, at the last breath, they seek Christ to save them, they call out to Him.
Well. After service, one of the aunties was speaking to me and we were just talking about age and settling down. I agree with her when she says we have to find ourselves as women first before finding someone to settle down with. And I think what's more important than finding ourselves is finding God in our lives. We should also as women, while trying to find that special someone, we work towards building ourselves into the woman God wants us to be. Building up on skills like motherhood, taking care of their husbands and all the other Godly attributes. That's all for now. God bless!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
When Boy meets Girl
Am currently reading Joshua Harris's Boy meets Girl and I'm starting to like the term COURTSHIP. That's it! It may seem like the most hackneyed term to use, but that's what we need! Courtship before relationship. I'll blog more about it when I have the time. I just liked the quotes he used from Elisabeth Elliot about the roles of men and women, it's in the chapter, "If boys were to be Men, would girls be Ladies?"
I do agree with him on the counts on where society is about gender roles and it's so baffling to me cause I am proud to embrace being a lady and the roles we have as women. I have things I've gotta work on, but I have no desire, what so ever, of putting on the pants and being the man!
Here's what Elisabeth Elliot wrote, "The world cries for men who are strong-strong in conviction, strong to lead, to stand, to suffer. I pray that you will be that kind of man- glad that God made you a man, glad to shoulder the burden of manliness in a time when to do so will often bring contempt." I pray this for my male friends, that you will stand up and rise up from being boys and undertaking the manly roles God has ordained for you!
And for the women, she wrote, "A real woman understands that man was created to be the initiator, and she operates on that premise. This is primarily a matter of attitude. I am convinced the woman who understands and accept with gladness the difference between masculine and feminine will be, without pretense or self-consciously, woman". I also like how Josh Harris also talks about cultivating the attitude that motherhood is a noble and fulfilling calling and to not be shy about embracing it and to practice homemaking skills, encouraging men/brothers in Christ to compliment sisters when they strive to learn these skills! Amen!
I do agree with him on the counts on where society is about gender roles and it's so baffling to me cause I am proud to embrace being a lady and the roles we have as women. I have things I've gotta work on, but I have no desire, what so ever, of putting on the pants and being the man!
Here's what Elisabeth Elliot wrote, "The world cries for men who are strong-strong in conviction, strong to lead, to stand, to suffer. I pray that you will be that kind of man- glad that God made you a man, glad to shoulder the burden of manliness in a time when to do so will often bring contempt." I pray this for my male friends, that you will stand up and rise up from being boys and undertaking the manly roles God has ordained for you!
And for the women, she wrote, "A real woman understands that man was created to be the initiator, and she operates on that premise. This is primarily a matter of attitude. I am convinced the woman who understands and accept with gladness the difference between masculine and feminine will be, without pretense or self-consciously, woman". I also like how Josh Harris also talks about cultivating the attitude that motherhood is a noble and fulfilling calling and to not be shy about embracing it and to practice homemaking skills, encouraging men/brothers in Christ to compliment sisters when they strive to learn these skills! Amen!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Zone out
Sometimes, just sometimes, I fall into this zone, a zone where I reckon no one, but God, can take me out of. I'm not upset, I'm not unhappy, I'm not angry, I'm just not feeling right.
When someone you know leaves the world, someone you know hasn't received Christ, the loss is even greater and the pain even more. I ask myself why I never did share His word with him, was I too young, too immature and too incompetent to share His word with someone so much older.
It pains me so much to know that someone has left this world without receiving His salvation. My heart cries and aches at that thought. I think about all my family, friends and people that I love who have yet to receive Christ.. How much time do I have left to bring them to salvation? The thought scares me.. What happens if they never do?
I know I'm content at this point in time. I know I have the Lord's peace with me.. but at the same time.. As much as I try to think and tell myself it's over, it's all over and I've moved on, I know part of me hasn't. My intuition doesn't allow me to move on from where I left off. I am content, but my heart knows better that that's not all. I really don't know what to do. Lord. If this is not of your kingdom and not from you, please take it away.
When someone you know leaves the world, someone you know hasn't received Christ, the loss is even greater and the pain even more. I ask myself why I never did share His word with him, was I too young, too immature and too incompetent to share His word with someone so much older.
It pains me so much to know that someone has left this world without receiving His salvation. My heart cries and aches at that thought. I think about all my family, friends and people that I love who have yet to receive Christ.. How much time do I have left to bring them to salvation? The thought scares me.. What happens if they never do?
I know I'm content at this point in time. I know I have the Lord's peace with me.. but at the same time.. As much as I try to think and tell myself it's over, it's all over and I've moved on, I know part of me hasn't. My intuition doesn't allow me to move on from where I left off. I am content, but my heart knows better that that's not all. I really don't know what to do. Lord. If this is not of your kingdom and not from you, please take it away.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
My Father's Love
Being back down under for a week feels a little surreal, being in year 2 dentistry is amazing. It's one of the best gifts I have been given in my life! I think God has blessed me with such tremendous grace that I'm overwhelmed. I heard in church today, that grace is mercy of the undeserved love God has given. Indeed, He has been merciful.
I start year 2 with so many challenges yet at the same time feeling so refreshed and invigorated. Jadon's birth was such a good reminder that God is THE creator of all things and He has indeed prepared for us in our lives an amazing journey and has given us His kingdom. Whenever I look at him, I am reminded of just how blessed I am.. That God is such an amazing God.. How we can be conceived in the womb, how we grow in our mother's bodies, how a ball of cells just multiply, divide, differentiate to become us. How we were born so innocent, so blameless, yet bearing the weight of original sin.. How we become the way we are and receive the grace of faith to be justified, to be atoned. I think of all that and remember Christ dying on the cross for me, for my sins, just so that He can turn away God's wrath, so that I can be in His presence. I am just choking with emotion right now.
Jadon reminds me of so many things I'm not and at the same time, so many things I wanna be. A baby, so small, yet such a bundle of joy, a baby so tiny, yet evokes emotions in me I never knew I had. Every time i think of him, I'm reminded of how blessed i am. I love my little one to bits.
Being back in Singapore and just being around my family and friends, made me realise one single truth.. That I truly am Singaporean, there's no where else I'd call my home. At least after this holiday, I'm pretty sure I'm going back to Singapore to practice and I'm now just waiting for God to open the doors of specialisation for me.
I had the most amazing time back home.. I made new friends, found better friends in some and was just able to be blessed by their love. I know I've truly let things go and just be able to understand and answer so many questions. I was always troubled by the question of what God really wanted me to learn from my relationship with Chris, it was one where I was prayerful, it was one where I really waited on the Lord.. and one day, it just snapped in me that I finally know what now.
All my life I've always thought that anything's alright, I can compromise, I can get used to things, I can grow to love someone, I can grow to overlook all his faults.. But I think God just wanted me to tell Him what I truly felt, what I wanted. That I was not alright with certain things, that I had a list, that it was alright for me to bring these requests to Him. He wanted me to know that He was my Father, my Father who wants the best for me, a Father who wants to have these conversations with me.. A Father who was waiting for His child to lay all her burdens at His feet.
That was all.. And it's so freeing so liberating to know. I know there are somethings that I can't live with and some things that I can stand and it's not alright, that I can't change nor compromise. I can never take that city girl out of me, I can never live a life without my high heels, I can never take that maternal instinct out of me and I just have to embrace all of that, all of me that I think was not worthy of or not good enough for has to be dismissed simply cause I am, I am God's creation, I am His child.. I am proud to have what I have and be who I am.. Because His children are all perfect in His eyes. I feel so different, so free, so in awe in my Father's love.
I start year 2 with so many challenges yet at the same time feeling so refreshed and invigorated. Jadon's birth was such a good reminder that God is THE creator of all things and He has indeed prepared for us in our lives an amazing journey and has given us His kingdom. Whenever I look at him, I am reminded of just how blessed I am.. That God is such an amazing God.. How we can be conceived in the womb, how we grow in our mother's bodies, how a ball of cells just multiply, divide, differentiate to become us. How we were born so innocent, so blameless, yet bearing the weight of original sin.. How we become the way we are and receive the grace of faith to be justified, to be atoned. I think of all that and remember Christ dying on the cross for me, for my sins, just so that He can turn away God's wrath, so that I can be in His presence. I am just choking with emotion right now.
Jadon reminds me of so many things I'm not and at the same time, so many things I wanna be. A baby, so small, yet such a bundle of joy, a baby so tiny, yet evokes emotions in me I never knew I had. Every time i think of him, I'm reminded of how blessed i am. I love my little one to bits.
Being back in Singapore and just being around my family and friends, made me realise one single truth.. That I truly am Singaporean, there's no where else I'd call my home. At least after this holiday, I'm pretty sure I'm going back to Singapore to practice and I'm now just waiting for God to open the doors of specialisation for me.
I had the most amazing time back home.. I made new friends, found better friends in some and was just able to be blessed by their love. I know I've truly let things go and just be able to understand and answer so many questions. I was always troubled by the question of what God really wanted me to learn from my relationship with Chris, it was one where I was prayerful, it was one where I really waited on the Lord.. and one day, it just snapped in me that I finally know what now.
All my life I've always thought that anything's alright, I can compromise, I can get used to things, I can grow to love someone, I can grow to overlook all his faults.. But I think God just wanted me to tell Him what I truly felt, what I wanted. That I was not alright with certain things, that I had a list, that it was alright for me to bring these requests to Him. He wanted me to know that He was my Father, my Father who wants the best for me, a Father who wants to have these conversations with me.. A Father who was waiting for His child to lay all her burdens at His feet.
That was all.. And it's so freeing so liberating to know. I know there are somethings that I can't live with and some things that I can stand and it's not alright, that I can't change nor compromise. I can never take that city girl out of me, I can never live a life without my high heels, I can never take that maternal instinct out of me and I just have to embrace all of that, all of me that I think was not worthy of or not good enough for has to be dismissed simply cause I am, I am God's creation, I am His child.. I am proud to have what I have and be who I am.. Because His children are all perfect in His eyes. I feel so different, so free, so in awe in my Father's love.
Friday, February 4, 2011
A midnight thought
I was never a fan of Chinese New Year, always thought it was just a bunch of people trying really hard to keep in touch and making small talk. But just being away for one last year, made me realise how much I miss it. How much I enjoyed making small talk, being in the loop of people's life, and meeting people who I will never actually meet up with if not for something as significant as Chinese New Year.
I'm leaving for Perth soon and I really think this holiday came as a very timely one, not only cause my brain needed to take a vacation, but also for me to figure my direction in life, finding answers to questions that matter and in a very huge way, move on.
In terms of my career, I pretty much know where I'm going to be after I graduate and even though I'm not set on the specialisation, I know for sure God will lead me to it when it's time to decide. I now know things about myself that I never knew.. somehow, I think I got to know me better over the holidays. I've never felt more sure of myself. That said, I really thank God for blessing my life with the people around me and just overwhelming my life with new friends! How great is our God, how awesome is He! He really has my life planned out and written with His grace!
I'm leaving for Perth soon and I really think this holiday came as a very timely one, not only cause my brain needed to take a vacation, but also for me to figure my direction in life, finding answers to questions that matter and in a very huge way, move on.
In terms of my career, I pretty much know where I'm going to be after I graduate and even though I'm not set on the specialisation, I know for sure God will lead me to it when it's time to decide. I now know things about myself that I never knew.. somehow, I think I got to know me better over the holidays. I've never felt more sure of myself. That said, I really thank God for blessing my life with the people around me and just overwhelming my life with new friends! How great is our God, how awesome is He! He really has my life planned out and written with His grace!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Reflections
A year has just gone by, so quickly and swiftly, leaving just trails of memories behind.. Some, like footprints in the sand, fading with the wind, yet others so deeply etched within the depths of my heart that it takes my breath away.
2010 ended with a blast, ending it in church with people I love and care about and most importantly, with the author and potter of my life.. God. He has just manifested in my life and transformed my heart and spirit to seek Him. I am just absolutely blessed by the revelation that He has chosen me and given me the grace of faith, that every moment of my life has been scripted and crafted by Him especially for me.
Last year just made me realise how wonderful and amazing God has been in my life, how He has so abundantly provided for me to be in Dental school, for my family to provide and support me through it and most of all, give me such a desire and love for Dentistry. I cannot explain just how blessed I am to be able to be able to Do what I love and be in Love with what I do.
Of course, 2010 has its little moments where I was teary eyed and nursing a somewhat "broken" heart. But it was also through these moments that I realised just what I need and do not need in my life.
So this year.. I'm making it a point to allow myself to be nicer to myself, to love myself that bit more and to finally take that step to know that I do deserve someone who loves me and treats me right. This year.. I'm keeping God's vision as my vision and in all that I do, Honor Him and glorify Him.
There's just so much going through my head right now that I think it deserves a post of it's own. As of now.. I'm feeling so torn, as always, coming home has made me realise just how much I love Singapore and why I love being home, yet at the same time, I can't wait to go back for school to start, simply cause.. I can't wait to start the thing I love and know it more.
2011!!! I'm coming for you with blazing faith and God's grace! This will be a good year!
2010 ended with a blast, ending it in church with people I love and care about and most importantly, with the author and potter of my life.. God. He has just manifested in my life and transformed my heart and spirit to seek Him. I am just absolutely blessed by the revelation that He has chosen me and given me the grace of faith, that every moment of my life has been scripted and crafted by Him especially for me.
Last year just made me realise how wonderful and amazing God has been in my life, how He has so abundantly provided for me to be in Dental school, for my family to provide and support me through it and most of all, give me such a desire and love for Dentistry. I cannot explain just how blessed I am to be able to be able to Do what I love and be in Love with what I do.
Of course, 2010 has its little moments where I was teary eyed and nursing a somewhat "broken" heart. But it was also through these moments that I realised just what I need and do not need in my life.
So this year.. I'm making it a point to allow myself to be nicer to myself, to love myself that bit more and to finally take that step to know that I do deserve someone who loves me and treats me right. This year.. I'm keeping God's vision as my vision and in all that I do, Honor Him and glorify Him.
There's just so much going through my head right now that I think it deserves a post of it's own. As of now.. I'm feeling so torn, as always, coming home has made me realise just how much I love Singapore and why I love being home, yet at the same time, I can't wait to go back for school to start, simply cause.. I can't wait to start the thing I love and know it more.
2011!!! I'm coming for you with blazing faith and God's grace! This will be a good year!
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Gr(ade)eat Disappointments
2010 is coming to an end, to be honest, it probably is one of THE most fruitful years in my life. If I were to look at how I am now as compared to me pre-australia and pre-dentistry, I think the Jocelyn that left wasn't the Jocelyn that came back.
I have never, NEVER once in my past 23 years ever studied as hard as I have this year, or rather, I never knew what it meant to study until now. Perhaps it's the passion or perhaps it's just God preparing me all my life just for today. He probably knew that if I were to be an overachiever at a young age, I'd probably burn out now and not have that desire to study, but because right now, in my opinion, I HAVE NEVER studied EVER in my life, I'm actually trying to make up for the lost time. Ironic isn't it?
I wish I had the same fire same desire for my books in NUS as I have in UWA, but at the same time, I'm thankful I didn't make the rat-race in uni my priority cause I won't be enjoying and loving what I'm doing now as much. Well.. That said, I got my results today.. (imagine big sigh and a look of disappointment) I didn't do as well. A high distinction, two distinctions, a credit and a pass.. I know I can do better than this. I would typically be ecstatic if I had this in NUS, but this really does not satisfy me at all.
Apart from that, I've got a lot of self-reflection to do and a lot more to post about my thoughts, just that blogging at 5.30 in the morning isn't the best time, given the fact that I've not even had a wink. Off I go now, more rants to come.
I have never, NEVER once in my past 23 years ever studied as hard as I have this year, or rather, I never knew what it meant to study until now. Perhaps it's the passion or perhaps it's just God preparing me all my life just for today. He probably knew that if I were to be an overachiever at a young age, I'd probably burn out now and not have that desire to study, but because right now, in my opinion, I HAVE NEVER studied EVER in my life, I'm actually trying to make up for the lost time. Ironic isn't it?
I wish I had the same fire same desire for my books in NUS as I have in UWA, but at the same time, I'm thankful I didn't make the rat-race in uni my priority cause I won't be enjoying and loving what I'm doing now as much. Well.. That said, I got my results today.. (imagine big sigh and a look of disappointment) I didn't do as well. A high distinction, two distinctions, a credit and a pass.. I know I can do better than this. I would typically be ecstatic if I had this in NUS, but this really does not satisfy me at all.
Apart from that, I've got a lot of self-reflection to do and a lot more to post about my thoughts, just that blogging at 5.30 in the morning isn't the best time, given the fact that I've not even had a wink. Off I go now, more rants to come.
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