Perhaps..

I'm in the middle of studying for a test and I guess I just want to let some thoughts out, like in harry potter with the Pensieve, I need my blogsieve.

I'm just pondering upon the thought of.. when is it the right time to say "why do I even bother?". I can't seem to bring myself to act on it, I'd be lying if I said I never think of that, but I've never acted upon it. Somehow in that heart of mine, I just can't bring myself to. Perhaps it's just altruistic? That I can't bring myself to not care or give up trying and stop hoping.

If someone you care about don't make it an effort to remember what you've done for them or given them, or not remember any of the somewhat comforting promises they make, when then do you say, "honestly, why do I even bother?". Is there a number to it? I know of many people who'd be mad/disappointed that all of their love and effort was not remembered or even unfortunately, forgotten. I would like to be mad, I'd like to be angry, but at the end of the day, I'm neither of that, just slightly cut/hurt that all that effort wasn't worth remembering.

It does come to a point in my head where I ask myself, why.. and my only logical answer to that is.. Love. Just like how God loves.. He never gives up, He never stops loving. so why should we?

Does this count as discontentment?

Perhaps I try too hard or too much and I shouldn't. Perhaps what they all say about letting someone love you more than you love them is right. Perhaps I'm just thinking a bit too much. Perhaps I'm just on one of those days and moments. But perhaps, just perhaps, there's a little part inside of me that wishes for that little bit more TLC. Just for a change, to be completely cared for and not needing to care. To perhaps have a splitting version of me, just caring and loving me the way I would others. I don't know why I have that many "perhaps" today.. I just do.. cause perhaps today.. I'm asking myself.. why do i bother.

Random thought of the day..

As a healthcare professional, I'm responsible for someone's well being, especially their dental/oral health, but who then, takes care of us and our well being? When you're in an institution that doesn't really care about you, BUT what YOU CAN DO for them, who then cares for your mental sanity? If you're always caring for others, do they actually reciprocate? Or are people in healthcare just innately caring yet low maintenance themselves?

I actually don't know. I'd love to say that we don't need that TLC, but sometimes it's good that others know that we're flesh and blood, that we burn out and we do appreciate that concern too. Sometimes it's just tiring to have to be that happy smiley person.

Things they never told you about being a Dental Student

Things they never told you about being a Dental Student

1. When people said, "Say goodbye to your life" when you enrolled, they WERE NOT kidding, they were merely stating a fact.

2. Your home basically becomes a place where you only sleep.

3. You spend so much of the day at uni that you only go home when it's dark and leave the next morning at the crack of dawn.

4. You learn how to speak "patient language" and somehow automatically switch that mode on when someone talks teeth.

5. You become hypersensitive to anything between teeth and feel absolutely comfortable telling someone that they have something between their teeth, regardless of whether or not they'll feel embarrassed. 

6. No matter how handsome/pretty someone is, bad teeth will always be a deal breaker.

7. Conversations always end up about teeth.

8. You get annoyed when someone says "medical school is so much harder", because you know that's not true! 

9. You realise most dental students fall into the same stereotype. Slightly obsessive, perfectionistic, high strung, probably mental, yet you'd proudly claim it.

10. You never realise just HOW politically correct your speech becomes, especially dealing with higher authority! 

11. You eat more junk than you ever have, drink more coffee or caffeinated drinks than ever, study about the bad eating habits and get away with it because... you're a dental student.

12. People judge your teeth when they know you're in dental school.. Which is.. Not fair. 

13. No one recognises the hours you spend in the lab to fabricate something for them, they only see it when it's flawed.

14. You never realise how emotional you can get when things go wrong, or how helpless you can feel about situations. Some situations in dental school.. you can never be in control of. 

15. You feel a sense of satisfaction when a patient remembers what you taught them about oral hygiene and when they thank you for cleaning their teeth.

After all the long hours, the sweat, the blood and the occasional tears, it becomes all worth it when you know you've changed a person's habits and showed them what clean teeth should really be. Yes. Dental school is all consuming, it demands excellence from you, it builds you up to be someone you were not, it gives you the responsibility of someone else's health, it tests your tenacity, your resilience and your perseverance. For many, it builds character. I won't ever say dental school is easy, much less encourage anyone to enrol unless they have real passion for it, because it's not for the fickle minded nor the faint hearted. It's not for the money nor the prestige, (let's face it, how prestigious is it looking down someone's throat everyday?). It's for the true desire to provide a service to help, to improve lives and make a difference. At least that's what dental school is for me. 

Contentment

What exactly is contentment?

Is contentment the state of always being joyful and happy? Can we be content in an unjust event, in unfortunate situations and draining circumstances? Can we truly be content in trying times?

The answer is yes. We can be content. Contentment, simply put, is the knowledge that despite the circumstance, you know God has His best interests for you, no matter how tough or how painful, you know His grace is sufficient. That you don't have to try or work to earn His love, He has already loved you and gone before all of your circumstances and taken control of it. Isn't that just a wonderful reality?

What I realised at the Perth Women's convention is also the fact that God didn't say you can't complain or grumble or be upset or lament at a situation. He wants you to.. But not to others about how He is insufficient, but to bring your cares and woes directly to Him and He will be gentle and loving to you. This is my father  who wants to hear me, He knows my worries and my woes, yet he hears me and holds me close. This is my father who loves me so dearly and in His love, I am content.

Isn't it bizarre? How we always crave and yearn for that something more when we have so much? Or how we easily complete the sentence of.. "I wish I had...", "if only I could..", "If only I had...". Perhaps it's these questions that cause our discontentment. Perhaps fulfilling these statements wouldn't bring us true contentment. Momentarily, for sure, but permanently? There must be something in this world that could satisfy us.. Right?

And it's so simple.. yet.. so easily forgotten.. If we aren't content, then why not look to the maker of the universe, the One who has everything and wants to give you everything in His kingdom? Would that not answer all of those questions and be a permanent solution to discontentment?

I wish for my friends to find contentment in the knowledge of God's Love and Grace. Because for once in my life, I am content. =)