Prior to returning home on the 28th, my flight was scheduled for the 1st. I honestly think I would have had a mental break down just thinking of the "what if's" if i didn't come home any earlier. But praying to take grand out of ICU and for her recovery came to pass. She's out of the hospital and rehabilitating at home, what brings a smile to my face is that she's so much more vibrant and lively at home. It reminds me of old times where grand and I would just sit and chat about everything.. Though those moments are rare now, it only serves to make them more precious. I love my grandma, selfishly, I'd want her to be there to see me walk down the aisle, to assess my boyfriend, to give me the love advise every grandparent would want her grandchild to know. But I know, all I want for her right now, is for her to be happy and content.
Apart from that, coming home has been filled with a lot of "So who's the new guy.." questions. I kind of expected that, given the fact that I honestly haven't said much or told anyone about him, or rather, haven't told anyone in Singapore about him.
To be honest, I have never given a relationship that much thought and that far into the future as this, and I have not ever been so courageous in taking a leap of faith. For those of you who know me and how my family works, I have more or less tried to date someone that my family would generally approve of, just based on first impressions and their scope of expertise. Or rather, i try to take the easy way out, by picking someone like that so that I don't have to work so hard at making things work.. but somehow, it never would work out anyway.
This time, it was me knowing and conscious of the objections that I might have to face initially, and me knowingly walking into this relationship with the knowledge that it is something that I want to work towards to and with someone I'm willing to work for.
I may at times be a silly thinking mess with my head and its thought processes. I am rational and sometimes, TOO rational. I like to be in control, especially of my emotions, I don't like the idea that part of my emotions and how I feel is now partly dependent on someone too. That thought does scare me. Perhaps past hurts still haunt me or perhaps it's the fear of going through a heartache again. I really don't know. But what I do know is that at this point in time, I'm letting someone into my life, into my heart. That I potentially might have found the person I love as much as I love dentistry. It is a moment where I take a step back to fully grasp the magnitude, where I look at how it all began and go.. God is good.
If being in NUS for three years was what He needed to make sure we meet at the right time, then all I can say is that.. Everything in God's will falls in place really well. For fear of sounding cheesy, he is a guy who gives me pre-ventricular heart contractions (my heart skips a beat), he is a guy who warms my heart like no other, a guy whose eyes I love looking into and hands I love to hold. Some might tell me that "it's too early" or "it's too rushed" but this time, all I have to say is that, it happened in our time, at our pace and it's something I won't want to change.
As much as we don't know where our professions might take us in future, I know for once, I'm listening to my heart and having faith that God knows best. I know I want to work things out with him, I want to give this relationship a chance, if I had to take a leap of faith with a guy, it would have to be him. I am happy and content where I am and where we are. It may sound silly, but I'm excited at what life holds for the both of us.
*disclaimer: Mushy content ahead, Jocelyn would not be held responsible should you choose to read on*
To the man who makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time, you have captivated me. Not just with your being, but your presence and your nature. I would never complain looking into those brown eyes, simply cause I see your heart and its magnitude I have yet to fully comprehend. I love how we share the same desires for our passions, our hunger for more than excellence from ourselves, our strive for betterment, yet when time calls for it, can fall and form a lovely romantic couple, stopping, staring and snapping (shutter happy =D), as we watch the world go by. Above all these moments that I love, it's you that make them perfect and you, Sherwin, that I love even more. Borrowing from Jane Austen, "You have bewitched me, body and soul, ..." and I will leave you to find the rest of the quote ;) and when you've found it, you'd have completed the very sentence to which my heart speaks.
To be honest, I have never given a relationship that much thought and that far into the future as this, and I have not ever been so courageous in taking a leap of faith. For those of you who know me and how my family works, I have more or less tried to date someone that my family would generally approve of, just based on first impressions and their scope of expertise. Or rather, i try to take the easy way out, by picking someone like that so that I don't have to work so hard at making things work.. but somehow, it never would work out anyway.
This time, it was me knowing and conscious of the objections that I might have to face initially, and me knowingly walking into this relationship with the knowledge that it is something that I want to work towards to and with someone I'm willing to work for.
I may at times be a silly thinking mess with my head and its thought processes. I am rational and sometimes, TOO rational. I like to be in control, especially of my emotions, I don't like the idea that part of my emotions and how I feel is now partly dependent on someone too. That thought does scare me. Perhaps past hurts still haunt me or perhaps it's the fear of going through a heartache again. I really don't know. But what I do know is that at this point in time, I'm letting someone into my life, into my heart. That I potentially might have found the person I love as much as I love dentistry. It is a moment where I take a step back to fully grasp the magnitude, where I look at how it all began and go.. God is good.
If being in NUS for three years was what He needed to make sure we meet at the right time, then all I can say is that.. Everything in God's will falls in place really well. For fear of sounding cheesy, he is a guy who gives me pre-ventricular heart contractions (my heart skips a beat), he is a guy who warms my heart like no other, a guy whose eyes I love looking into and hands I love to hold. Some might tell me that "it's too early" or "it's too rushed" but this time, all I have to say is that, it happened in our time, at our pace and it's something I won't want to change.
As much as we don't know where our professions might take us in future, I know for once, I'm listening to my heart and having faith that God knows best. I know I want to work things out with him, I want to give this relationship a chance, if I had to take a leap of faith with a guy, it would have to be him. I am happy and content where I am and where we are. It may sound silly, but I'm excited at what life holds for the both of us.
*disclaimer: Mushy content ahead, Jocelyn would not be held responsible should you choose to read on*
To the man who makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time, you have captivated me. Not just with your being, but your presence and your nature. I would never complain looking into those brown eyes, simply cause I see your heart and its magnitude I have yet to fully comprehend. I love how we share the same desires for our passions, our hunger for more than excellence from ourselves, our strive for betterment, yet when time calls for it, can fall and form a lovely romantic couple, stopping, staring and snapping (shutter happy =D), as we watch the world go by. Above all these moments that I love, it's you that make them perfect and you, Sherwin, that I love even more. Borrowing from Jane Austen, "You have bewitched me, body and soul, ..." and I will leave you to find the rest of the quote ;) and when you've found it, you'd have completed the very sentence to which my heart speaks.
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