Thoughts when I'm back home

Home is where the heart is.

I never truly grasped that idea only until recently.. Don't get me wrong, I do love Singapore and love my folks here even more. Before I left for Perth in feb, it never did cross my mind that I'd actually miss Perth, THIS MUCH. Perhaps I never thought I'd be able to truly "belong", to find my place in Perth, but due to a twist of events, and an act of nature, I fit right in place.

At St Catherine's, I've made friends with some of THE most amazing girls, girls that I consider my family. I suppose the college environment just fuels the bond, seeing each other every single day through our good moments and bad, be it our "just out of bed, messy hair and PJ's look" or our glamed up and dolled up dinner looks, or our exam stress induced insanity or the regular emo moments.. These bring us together, like a family, we love each other for just how we are, through bad times and good, and more aptly, through laughter and through tears (which I think I contribute a lot to).

I have these girls to thank, for giving me a family that I will look forward to returning to.

I suppose that's the blessing of Perth and a blessing that God has given me so abundantly. The friendships in college and out of have enriched my life. The folks I meet in class, especially my colleagues from Sg in dental school with me, my church-mates, my new found Christian union friends and of course a special someone. They've formed a circle of support around me and I'm just really glad and blessed to be able to not only do what I love to do, but find a group of friends that I love and will grow to love. As of now, I'll miss my girls to bits and of course, that special someone. =D

Random exam thoughts

Exam Stress.. Being the all optimistic me, I love exams, I love exam stress, cause that means I care enough to be stressed. BUT BUT BUT.. I've got MGC in exactly 12 hours, thing is, the whole unit is based on what I've done in my previous degree. (MGC being Molecules, Genes and Cells). Yes.. THAT again girls, to think I'm actually using my Albert's more this time than I did in NUS. Anyway.. Here's the problem, because I kind of know everything, so every thing's so familiar, that I don't know what I need to know, or rather, don't know what I don't know. And it's just so exasperating!!!!!! ARGH!!!!

Things are Familiar yet so unfamiliar?! Right now.. At this point in time, I would love to have someone give me a huge hug and tell me it'll all be okay. Yes. I think it has become a habit that I give someone a hug before an exam, like how we used to before our papers in NUS.. How I miss those days.. and yes.. it doesn't help AT ALL that, for some reason, I'm missing someone to bits. It TOTALLY doesn't make ANY sense AT ALL! SAVE ME!!!!!!!!

It's been a long time

It's been such a long time.. A long time since I've felt this way.

It been a long time since I actually enjoyed studying, not just enjoying it, but Loving it. (apart from the non-dental stuff) You know how when you go to class and you just understand what's going on, you know exactly what your lecturer is talking about! That's how it is for me here, I love what I'm studying! I enjoy it and it excites me going to school and learning all that I need to.

And it is because of this love, passion and excitement that it sucks so much leaving an exam feeling that I have just stuffed up. That disappointment was just so intense. I know the paper was just 20% of my final grade and I know I can and will do whatever I can for the next semester to make sure I make up for this. But.. that disappointment that I didn't do as well as I wanted to. I won't really mind if someone else was disappointed at me (family aside), but when I feel disappointed at myself.. That feeling.. can't be described. As hard as I tried, I couldn't smile..

It's been such a long time since I've felt so alive about my books, about my subjects, about my units.. It's been a long time since I felt so much joy and at the same time, it's been a long time since I felt such disappointment.

On a lighter note, much lighter and happier note, it's also been a long time since I felt my heart skip a beat, a long time since someone can put such a huge smile on my face.. I don't know what's going to happen after the holidays, I'm leaving it up to God to lead... But right now, I'm glad he's in my life. For one, at least I know I'm not the only weird person on earth with un-norm preferences. Apart from San churro's and the awesome chocolate, I know it was just his presence that was so comforting. Tu me manques.

Mid Exam stress

In the middle of my exams right now.. I really am excited about the exams, no sarcasm intended, it's the kind of feeling that goes.. This is what I've been waiting for.. and then.. what happens is that you go for one exam, loving half the paper and feeling like you've been treated like a fool for the other half and the second one, you go in confident that you've practiced enough and you leave feeling.. "I hope I pass".

Yes.. I'm exasperated and it doesn't help that I'm feeling this way. I used to think I'm really good at compartmentalising my feelings, well.. I still think so, but I'm going to add a "to a certain extent" behind it. When it's your heart that's doing the missing.. there's no way to compartmentalise! Compartmentalisation works, at least for me, in my head.

Messing with my own head

How is it.. ever Ever EVER feasibly possible to already be thinking of someone when you've just met him a couple of hours back?!?!

I have such a love hate relationship with myself at this point in time.