Wrapping up 2009

As 2009 comes to an end, I carry with me a bag of varying emotions. This year holds many special moments for me and many firsts in my life. I cannot help but feel like I've grown up, I've lost every ounce of child-likeness in me (if there was any to begin with) but above all that, I feel ready to face whatever reality and the future has for me. Well.. When God is with me, who can be against me! =)

This year started off as one that I wasn't looking forward to. I didn't even feel like celebrating my birthday, simply because I couldn't find anything in my life that was worth celebrating (I was wrong). I wasn't looking forward to graduation, because I didn't want to face the harsh reality of getting rejected by NUS dentistry, AGAIN. Neither was I that excited about my plan B, C and D's if I couldn't study dentistry overseas. To be honest, I was pretty much disheartened, because this journey to live my dreams has been a very very VERY long drawn one, my girlfriends see my agony.

Then feb came and gone, and I realised, that as much as I didn't want to celebrate my birthday, my family and relatives did and at that moment, I realised that if there is one thing in my life that is worth celebrating, it's the Love. I am one truly blessed child to be so loved.

A few months later, exams. This year, unlike the last few, was very different. I suppose I finally understood what it meant to give God all control and living with Godly confidence. I was surprisingly calm through my exams, despite me feeling the least prepared.

In the midst of all that, I celebrated Barrack Obama's win! I was over the moon and it may sound cliche, but his presidency gave me hope for dentistry. Really. The run for presidency was one that I actually paid attention to, Hillary Clinton gave the big boys a good run for their money, even though she didn't reach the final goal, her journey was definitely an inspiration to many women, one that was very empowering.

Of course, we cannot forget H1N1, the many natural disasters and the crashing of the economy. These took the lives of many, it gave us a huge awakening that we, as man, are still very vulnerable and as much as we would like disagree, we are not in control of many things. I grieved for the families that lost their loved ones, children who have been orphaned, I cried when I saw the broken homes but was even more touched by love and the magnanimity of the human spirit. This year has indeed been a ride.

Even though I have to say, that we, as Singaporeans are very much sheltered from these. We have been very fortunate to enjoy the luxuries and comforts of life to the point where I think some of us have become ignorant and naive. For starts, to think that we are out of the economic crisis and that the market is becoming bullish. Is BULL indeed. We have become a generation, or rather, majority of this generation, has morphed into one that is incompetent, complaining, indecisive and unrealistic. I know this may sound harsh, but if you look around you, you'll see what I mean. Like I previously mentioned, I completely MOCK the idea of "Quarter life crisis". Get a life!

On a much lighter note, 2009 holds many precious memories for me. My first night out with the girls at the chalet, my first time cycling, my first time to Korea and Perth, the first time joining a cell group and most of all, the thing I cherish the most, would be the awesome friends that I have made and the fantastic relationships that I have forged. Some, albeit our short acquaintance have become people that I will treasure for life (you know who you are) and my girlfriends and guys alike, are people that I have grown to so dearly love.

Above all that, I celebrate 2009. I celebrate hope, faith and fulfilment, not by my own effort, but my Lord's. His promises and His truth, I give Him all glory and praise! My perseverance and persistence played a minor role in me getting into dentistry, if you ask me, Faith and His promise took the major role. I cannot thank the Lord enough for His messages, His faithfulness and His Grace. In His time, He unveiled His plans for me, and in His plans, He drew me close to Him and showed me the way. His grace is indeed amazing.

I end 2009 with a joyful heart, one that bears hope for the future, one that will wait upon the Lord and one that will grow in Him. I now welcome 2010 and the new beginning and adventures that will come with it because I know that God is in control!

The girl in white

The girl, all dressed in white, in all glory and beauty, glowing from deep within.

When the music plays, we turn our heads, stand and give her our fullest attention.

Hand on her father's arms, walking down the aisle, towards the man she's going to spend the rest of her life with.

His eyes, oh his eyes.. filled with her image, completely mesmerised by her beauty, by her grace, filled with the yearning of spending the rest of his life with her.

They exchange their vows, "in sickness and in health, till death do us apart". They bind their love with the exchange of rings, signifying the eternity of their love, the entwining of their beings, their souls and their life. They are one.

That's what I love about weddings. I cannot help but tear each time I hear the vows because as "cliche" as it may be, as long as it is said with all sincerity and the longing of spending the rest of their lives together, it can be the most powerful proclamation of love. How many people can do just that? In sickness and in health. In poverty and in riches.

I always wonder, do people just take a vow because it is part of the routine, or because they know they will hold true to their promises?

In this day and age where skirts are getting shorter, pants falling faster and morals looser, how many people actually live by their vows? The vow of fidelity, of loyalty and of love. The rising divorce rates is a clear example of the dilution of the sanctity of marriage. It is hard to believe in the institution of marriage when societal norms degrade the value of it. When the media portrays marriage to be a time of heeheehaha and when the going gets tough, it's to the lawyers they go.

That's just something that I cannot get. Why can't people understand that Love, true love requires effort, conscious effort and hard work. It's easy to feel passionate about someone, but to keep that passion going requires more than just, "a spark" or "feel". It's about loving the person the way he/she wants to be loved. Not just showing love the way you like it, but the way the other person relates to it. It is about compromise, about giving and taking, it is about communication, tolerance and above all that, it is about Love. Loving the way the person talks, the way person looks in the morning, the little habits, the way the person walks, wrinkles his/her nose, the way you feel complete when you look into each others eyes, the way he/she completes your sentences, reads you like a book and the way your fingers fit like a glove. Why do people not realise and not see these? The initial things that made them fall in love with one another.

I may not have been in a relationship long enough to understand, but I believe I'm someone who'll put in a conscious effort to let my other half know just how important his presence is in my life.

Many girls may not agree with my train of thought, but I do believe men and women play specific roles and some boundaries should never be crossed. For one, men should NEVER be house husbands. Men should take up the responsibility of the household, of bringing home the bacon and as much as women would like to argue, (that said, I have to say that I do believe in a woman's capabilities and abilities and am very sure that we can achieve as much), BUT, I believe women should focus more on being the nurturer of the family. You can work but don't make climbing the corporate ladder the main focus. Again, I know many girls will be shaking their heads when they read this, but that's just what I think.

When the day comes for me to be the girl in white, I wish I will walk down the aisle with my vow in hand, to tell my special someone, "If I had the chance to live my life again, I'd live it the exact same way simply because you're in it, I want to spend every living moment knowing that I will be walking down the aisle into your arms and spend the rest of my days growing old with you. Even as life gets routine, boring and tough, it's worth living because I'm living it with you, because you, complete me." I hope that in time to come, I'd find this special person that I'm looking for, this special someone who I'll pace my heart to, whose very presence makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. Till then.. I'm keeping my heart for him.

Life's contradictions

There's a line from a song that keeps playing in my head.. "I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again.." Ok. I do know when I'll be back, but I've been preparing myself for Perth. There are many things that I can't bear to leave behind but have to, there are people whom I'll so dearly miss for months on ends before I'll see them again. That's going to be the case for the next couple of years, five years to be exact.

Five years. It isn't an absurdly long time, neither is it short, but I'll be away for five years. I'll miss five new years, five birthdays and five.. a lot more. All these I knew I had to give up so that I can live my dream, so that I can live my life living my dreams. I'm sure it will all be worth it.

Things are different now that I'm leaving, emotions are different too. Like how I cherish every moment with my friends, making the best of meeting new friends and trying to keep every memory fresh in my heart.

That aside, I was just chatting with a friend and I was just reminded of how male-ish my way of thinking is. In the form of crisis management and even dealing with interpersonal relationships. I somehow just won't over-think things, unless I'm being influenced by many girls! haha. I don't exactly know if it's a good or bad thing. But on the other hand, I've got people telling me that I'm not boyish at all.. Which I actually feel quite happy hearing BUT I don't know if it is said out of sympathy or sincerity. Being more domestic and loving cooking, baking and needlework doesn't define femininity. I think.

Oh well.. Don't worry, I know very well that I'm female, just can't establish whether I'm more masculine or more, as my guy friend puts it, xiao nu ren. I am a girl of many contradictions.

Life as it is

Haven't actually posted anything recently, well, it's not because there's nothing to write, but there's so much to that I don't even know where to begin! Life has been awesome and God has been Great! For starters, the holidays to Seoul and Perth were very enjoyable. Was super shutter happy and well.. Shopping and all that was great!

Perth.. What can I say about Perth?! The place I'm going to have to call my second home for the next few years.. Well.. It's beyond beautiful! My campus is so so beautiful! Just imagine something like the Harry Potter "castle" look-a-like.. Just more vibrant and bright! I got accepted into St Cats, which is pretty amazing, given the fact that they are super strict about who they pick! =) Praise the Lord.

Other than that, I have been meeting up with my girls, some were impromptu meetings that were so coincidental, but I enjoyed all of it! I'm looking forward to more of them before I fly off. My cell group mates have been superbly awesome as well.. I really thank God for blessing my life with them! Had a potluck at my place not long ago and I totally enjoyed it! Great food and even better company!

Well.. there's a lot more, but I suppose the only thing that bugged me for the past month was the phrase "Quarter Life Crisis". I was at Alpha one night and someone brought it up.. Me, being the ever so cynical me, just said "It's ridiculous la" and of course.. I wasn't let off so easily. So I asked.. What constitutes a quarter life crisis? and I got answers like.. "Don't know if they want to hang on to their job for the rest of their lives", "don't know if that's what they like to do", "relationship problems" and "don't know if they want to get married," and so on... you get the gist.

TELL ME.. is this not ridiculous or what! How can anyone call that a crisis, for starts, I think we haven't even lived enough to even know what a crisis is, much less be in one! These things are just situations, life's little problems and they will only become a crisis if you let them rein over you! If you dwell on them too long and let it take over your thoughts. Seriously.. I will knock sense into my friends if they ever tell me that they are going through that! Look.. there are people our age who have trouble finding three meals a day, people who have lost their family and homes in natural disasters, people whose life are so uncertain that they don't even know if they'll be able to wake up the next morning to see the day break.. I give it to them if they say their life is in a crisis. BUT US? Crisis? You got to be kidding me.

The only reason why we will say that is because we have been too privileged and too comfortable with life. We have been given the luxury of choice, of freedom and comforts.. So much so that we forget the simple truth that people had to sacrifice so that we can enjoy what we have and that generation, our parents and our grandparents, didn't complain of a crisis. They lived with what they had and made the best of it.. They didn't complain when they had a job, even when it was hard labour, yet, when we have a comfortable job, in the comforts of an air conditioned room, we complain that it's too hard, we're not paid ENOUGH for what we do.. Question is.. what is enough?

Yes yes.. I haven't "worked" so I'm in no position to comment.. Sure. But at least I'm mature enough to understand that life doesn't come easy, luxury doesn't come without hard work and that you have to work for your pay. At least I won't mope and blame life and run away from problems, naming it a crisis and running to "friends" who will encourage me to acknowledge that my life is in a crisis. These "friends" shouldn't be kept AT ALL. Is our generation so weak and so feeble? So incapable of enduring hardships and pushing their limits? A generation that gives up without a fight, one that runs when the going gets tough? I seriously don't know.

Well.. Apart from that, another thought that has been going through my mind is that I'm quite an oddy.. haha. Yes.. i seriously think that there's something wrong with me.. my biological clock seems to be ticking quite prematurely. The thoughts of settling down, (even when I don't have anyone to settle down with), are just occasionally popping into my head. It's not just the getting married part, but the wanting to have kids and all that that scares me. I should not be thinking about all that when I'm 22! I'm far too young!!!! Oh well.. i don't really know if it's a good or bad thing.. but we'll see where the Lord takes me and see what He has planned for me, I'm sure it'll be a lot better than what I have expected!

Anyway.. this is a shout out to people of this generation! "Toughen up and get on with life.. It doesn't wait for you!"