Five minute life updates!

For some strange reason, I feel like things in Australia change really quickly, sometimes faster than I can remember. That being said, I'm not talking about the developments in WA (which is practically going at snail's speed), but the events and occurrences in my life. Life seems to have just flown by, one and a half years isn't exactly a short amount of time, yet it seems to go by so quickly. Perhaps that's what they mean when they say good times are usually short, cause I truly am enjoying myself here, I'm truly loving every moment I have at dental school. Though I have to say, it is tough and rough, but it's only gonna make me buff (alright, this is quite bad). BUT.. it is making me buff.. figuratively and literally speaking. 

More importantly, I think I realize how much I appreciate my friends back home. The girls from church, Elaine, Jasmine and even my dudes are so dearly missed. I miss friendships that were not solely built on circumstances. Don't get me wrong, I love my core group of friends here in Perth too, my church mates and the dent gang are just blessing my life with extravagant experiences, not to mention, my special someone who doubles up as my soul mate too. :) 

Yes. Things have changed, for better or for worse, only time will tell. I honestly am confused about the situation or whether or not there is one to begin with. I am at a point in my life where I just don't seem to have the spare strength or energy to seek clarification or purpose. I no longer see a point in pursuing a friendship that does not mean anything to the other party. I've tried, but it's going to be just another seemingly transient relationship, then it's not one that I'm going to pursue. I'd rather build my friendships on the solid foundation of trust and love then to be in one of mistrust and speculation. 

So much for "friends forever".

Oh well.. On a lighter note, I met his parents a couple of weeks back. I was SOOO NERVOUS! You can only imagine the horror in my head, according to him, I was so tight lipped. I'm hoping (fingers crossed extremely tightly) that they'll be happy with his choice and that they'll know that I'm here to not only love their son, but to love them too. Right now, I'm just really blessed to have him in my life, at least I know there's someone who understands me and is there to hold my hand and catch me when I fall. After all.. He's the reason why I fell ... in love... in the first place. :) 

Born and bound to be no more

For the first time in 24 years, I've been challenged to rethink my concept of intelligence, of innate abilities or in short, the idea of "it's all in the genes". I've been reading a book called The Genius in All of us - David Shenk, I'm 50 pages in and I am half delighted that part of what I believe has been put into words and yet I know it shakes the other part of me that subconsciously categorizes.

Streaming, IQ tests, admission tests and all of the others that we have used to determine someone's intelligence, or rather, innate intelligence and in turn, whether or not they are "worthy" of admission, has been used to shape society, the way education systems work around the world, the way we categorize our children at the very young tender age. I know in Singapore, we fall into the fallacious world of genetic categorizing. Our ex-MM Lee used to believe so strongly that everything is genetically predetermined, having (with all due respect to him) the audacity to think that people of higher intellect should marry people of the same intellectual class, and hence have more children, so that we can produce a society that is genetically more intelligent.

I find that theory flawed. Like David Shenk and many geneticists, I don't believe that nature determines personality traits and capabilities. Genes are not independent of the environment we live in, genetics and traits are not solely predetermined when our parent's gametes meet, when crossing over occurs or when our genetic differentiation and specialization takes place. Yes, I have to admit though, that genes code for the proteins that would make up and form our traits, BUT, genes first interact with the environment to produce these proteins. So essentially, what I'm trying to say is that the so called "innate traits" that we have are not a sole product of genes, but an interaction between the environment and the genes to produce traits.

What does all that mean then? It means no one, absolutely NO ONE is born for mediocrity, no one is born incapable. Yes, you'd argue with me that there are genetic mutations like down syndrome or huntingtons, but we cannot discredit this thought by basing it on the anomaly of 5% of mutations. As illustrated in the book:

"'A disconnected wire can cause a car to break down,' explains Patrick Bateson. 'But this does not mean that the wire by itself is responsible for making the car move.' Similarly, a genetic defect causing a series of problems does not mean that the healthy version of that gene is single-handedly responsible for normal function"


My point is, are we falling into the misconception that what we're capable of has been genetically predetermined? If my parents and brothers are not athletes, does that mean I'm destined to not be one? It is the lack of an encouraging environment for sport from a young age that results in me being physically not as capable. The environment did not DEMAND of my body, or in this case, my genes to produce proteins and hence traits for sporting abilities.

Why is it that some families are a family of doctors? Is it cause the kids are just born naturally smarter because their parents are? NO! It's because the environment the family has created for the child was conducive, they were brought up in an environment that stimulated their child in certain ways. The child's vocabulary for medicine would be far superior than their peers, through day to day conversations, children pick up knowledge and even at a very young age, they are stimulated to think, to understand. The environment they were brought up in was probably the reason why they are more inclined to medicine and hence do better, and not because that they are genetically born smarter,  they are just more well exposed and developed.

Here's what I got out of 50 pages, that our potentials are limitless, we, society and our environment place limits on ourselves. We have been ingrained to believe what society believes. We have to break free from these categories and challenge ourselves to stretch our abilities and to not deem someone "less intelligent" by their vocation, or their course of study or to think that someone is "smarter" by virtue of what they do or study. We have different capabilities that have been formed from an environment though dynamic development, static development should be crowned a fallacy. In a way, we are what we demand ourselves to be.

I'm challenging myself to break free from what I have been taught to believe, that I'm only good at my hand skills, that I'm not good with books, that I'm not physically capable/fit cause I'm not genetically born to be so. I want to break free from these categorizations, these, in my opinion, are bondages that I've been brought up to carry. To be a better me, I have to break free from these limitations, because I can never know my full capabilities if I'm constantly bound by limits.

Would you join me in the quest of fulfilling potentials and stretching of abilities?

One of those nights

Feeling a tad emotional today. Not the PMS kind, neither the moody grouchy kind and I doubt it's because I'm hungry. When Antonio opened in Merchant of Venice "In sooth, I know not why I am so sad", at least now I can comprehend his frustration at his lack of understanding of his emotions.

Do I believe in love? should that question be.. How much do I believe in love. I do, infinitely in God's love. I don't know how much I do when it comes to friends, to partners.

I do wonder, not because I don't believe in love, I just don't have enough faith in man's flimsy hearts.

I don't know, perhaps even in a setting like a college, living with 160 people, you can still feel alone. I can be among friends, surrounded by crowds, yet I still feel alone. Am I in that phase of life where I'm looking for companionate love? I reckon so and I really hope I've found it.

One and a half years later..

Where do I begin? From the first day I realised I wanted to be a dentist or the first day I knew I got into it. One and a half years in and everyday, I wake up to a miracle. Everyday, I'm thankful and blessed that I'm in dental school. I reckon that was why God put me through NUS, He put me through three years of want and honestly, my last year in NUS was just filled with desperation.

That's probably what they mean when they say "it's through the valleys that you grow" and it was in my toughest moments that I heard God, when I was in sheer desperation that I was scourging to hear just a whisper or anything remotely close to an answer and when I did, He gave me a message so clear, a voice so loud and a desire so tangible, He turned my dreams into reality, into fierce passion.

It pains my heart when I see my classmates drop out from dental school, even if it's only a short term that I've gotten to know them, the sheer fact that we were going through dental school together bonds us. It's not a joke when people say that dentistry is probably the toughest and most demanding course in uni. It is. After one and a half years, I can say it is and it will only get tougher.

Some days are hard, you get beaten down and feel disappointed. You get demoralized and wonder just whether or not you'll get through. I know for awhile I lost that desire, for a moment, I took my eyes off. I took my eyes off Jesus, I looked at MY achievements and what I could do. I focused on MY grades and MY abilities. I know this semester has started off on the right foot. I know I can't rely on my strengths, for I have none, I can't rely on my abilities, for I am weak. But with God, I have possibilities, I have strength, for HE empowers me.

I cannot express just how Thankful I am, how blessed I feel. I may not be the smartest dental student, but I'm striving for dedicated excellence to serve God and His people.

Dentistry aside, I am content. Sherwin has been such a pillar of support, encouragement and love. It's a heartwarming feeling to know that there's someone who understands me, my passions and knows exactly what to say when I'm feeling demoralized and down. Not to mention, he warms not just my heart but my gut too! =) I see God working in his life and grace just pouring so abundantly that I'm blessed by it too. Tho I don't really know how this will pen out in the future, I know God's will will be sovereign in this. What will happen in a couple of years when he needs to leave to pursue his dreams? I honestly don't know and perhaps it's too soon to tell.. but the only thing I can be certain of is that I'd be more than glad that he'll be able to pursue his passions, with or without me. Because after all my experiences in life, all I can say is that there is no greater joy and satisfaction than doing what you've been called to do. I can testify to that, one and a half years in..

Be a better you

Cosmopolitan (and I'm not referring to the drink) may not really be the best place to look for relationship advise, or ANY advise to begin with, but I was flipping through the mag and here's what a title of an article wrote "Act like a queen, attract a king". At first glance, I thought it was just another flimsy "feel good" article, but upon reading it, I realized it put my thoughts on relationships into words.

For those who have known me for quite awhile, you would probably be familiar with my disdain (might be too strong a word, but for the purposes of putting my point across) for girls or guys that act like brats or those that have extreme/obsessive lifestyle habits like drunkenness, smoking, promiscuity and.. you get my drift. But yet we have many girls of this generation who carry these characteristics and yet complain that they can't find a good guy, and similarly, guys who say they can't find a good woman. 

Well.. Here's what I think and what the article says in a nut shell, "like attracts like". The article encourages girls to be and possess qualities that they would like to see in a man. If you want someone who is refined and mature, you have to be the same too. 

That's what I think our society fails to teach, we're taught at a young age to want the best, to seek the best and always know that there will be better, but we're seldom taught to look at ourselves and ask ourselves, are we the best we can offer, are we also that "someone better"? 

What I expect from my partner is no more than what I can bring into the relationship. I don't ask for more, I just ask for him to be like me. I expect that same dedication and commitment, the same level of concern and thoughtfulness, the same level of maturity and the same amount of love. The only thing that I expect of him, is to know what HE wants and to lead in the relationship.

I hope more girls and guys alike will come to this realization that they cannot expect the best or better, when they're not up to scratch themselves. The betterment of oneself comes with practice, it comes with hard work, having an excuse of "he'll love me for me" even though you know your bad habits are undesirable is just deluding yourself. 

I am seeking to be a better me, to be that woman of Proverbs 31, a woman of Christ.

Self realisations

Don't you get some moments when you go.. "I didn't know that about myself".. I've had a few of them just recently and here's sharing them with you.

1. I didn't know I can have 8 shots of coffee in the span of 2 hours without getting overtly hyper (I had almost 12 in the whole day)
2. I didn't know I could have that much discipline in dragging myself to the gym despite my body begging me not to.
3. I have a way of blocking people out of my life and really, when I do, I DO.
4. I didn't know my heart could be filled with so much joy just restoring a tooth with amalgam. =)
5. I didn't know my mind, body and soul could have such an experience all at once, enjoying the peace that I know I'm in the right course for the right reasons and for the undying passion.
6. I didn't know a heartache could reach to such depths of my heart. I thought I had faced grand's passing, but I don't think I truly have.
7. I never realised I had such tenacity until now.

ASS - U - ME

ASSUME -  Makes the ASS out of U and ME.

I have learnt my lesson. Not to assume, cause it has made an ass out of me.. Assuming someone's maturity, ability to handle situations and understanding of situations. When chronological age does not seem to mesh with mental age, yet people think that they are more mature than they really are.. That's where the problem arises. Or maybe.. when there's nothing else more important going on in their lives, something so small and insignificant becomes a huge issue.

I know I'm in a different phase in life, the winter break was a wake up call to me, it was a harsh break of reality and it was for me to acknowledge and shift my priorities. What was important to me, like college affairs and acquaintances, no longer holds its weight in my life.

My heart desires for the kingdom of the Lord, it desires for my passions to be fulfilled, it desires for me to have tighter relationships with my family, nuclear and extended, and my heart desires to build on relationships for God's purposes and with someone for the long haul.

Yes. I have learnt and grown and will not assume.