Sunday thoughts

We've been talking about gifts in church and it got me thinking.. What exactly are my gifts? I'm praying for me to acknowledge them, grow them and serve the church with them. Like what Pastor David said, we are all essential parts of the church to build the church, we have different parts but all of equal value.

As of now, it's crunch time in uni, exams are starting soon, drilling summatives are going to be full on for the next two weeks and I'm praying that God will take my hands and guide me through it. I know His grace will be where ever His will takes me. I'm also trying to recover from sleep deprivation, my body seems to be getting crankier! I need to move out of college!!!!

I need my space and my time. I called my bro the other day and told him I really missed grandma, of course, brothers being brothers aren't the best at giving comfort. I really do miss her.. I wish sometimes she were still here and I can joke with her about making dentures for her. Especially since we're learning about prosthodontics now. I wish I had that luxury to be able to make her smile again, to make her a set of dentures so that she can enjoy her food again. I know it's not going to help if I keep thinking of her, but sometimes.. just sometimes.. It gets quite hard to put someone you love at the back of your mind.

It gets to me when I think about life and the future. Everyone thinks that your life is all set and planned out once you are in a professional course, but what they don't know is the responsibility that comes with it. I want to know what God wants me to do with this, with my life.. I have the confidence that He has it all planned out, I have faith that His will will prevail regardless of what I choose. But just sometimes, I wish He gave me a glimpse of what my future would hold, what I'd be doing with dentistry, how I'd be living my life and who I'd be living it with. I guess that's what they mean when we live in Faith hey? =) Trust and obey.

Peace please

There really isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of her or miss her. It's been a few months, but sometimes it's really hard to not miss someone after having spent my whole life with her. Perhaps that's the pain that comes with losing someone, knowing just exactly what you've lost. I'm nursing that pain in my heart, it's not easy, I have to admit, but I know she'll want me to be strong and live life to my fullest.

Recent events have just made me realize a lot. Perhaps some friends need to know what they've lost before they'll come to a realization, or perhaps they might just realize, the friendship didn't mean much in the first place. I value my friendships and relationships, they mean a lot to me, not just the bond that has been formed, but the life and time that has been shared. I know it's foolish to think that my friends are like-minded, but I wish they were.

Some people might say that I've changed, I don't deny that I might have, but I've always been fundamentally the same as a friend. I know I'm not the sort who would spend countless of hours with you just doing silly stuff, but I'd be the one who would be there when you really need someone, someone who'd listen to you and someone you'd stand by you. Of course, this doesn't sound too fun as a package, does it.

I think I've just come to realize that sometimes, you can be there for people you care about, but it doesn't really mean that they'd be there to do the same. When I lost grand, they weren't there to understand nor support, neither did they bother finding out what actually was wrong. I just need my peace right now.

The Gym

At the end of a long day at uni, all I really long for is a good wokout at the gym. Yes I know it sounds bizarre why anyone at all would find comfort at the gym, health benefits aside, what I call, "happy hormone" (Endorphins) makes any bad day, a good one. Apart from that, the gym floor is often such a good place for a good laugh and here's why..

You have the "ELEPHANT on the treadmill" person who, for some reason, has to let every footstep be heard as a resounding thump. I'm half worried for their knees and mostly just concerned that they may break the treadmill. 

Then you have the "FAIRY feet" females who seem to be on the treadmill for AGES and not seem to have a bead of perspiration. Why fairy feet? Cause they're probably "working out" at a speed that's about walking speed. My question is.. Won't the park be more interesting?

Alright, then you have the bunch of ladies on the cardio equipment, the stationary bikes, the cross trainers and the steppers, etc.. Who are there, day in, day out for hour(s), but yet don't seem to achieve/accomplish much physically.

Then we look at the gym floor where all the men are.. Half the time, you smell them before you see them. That's besides the point. 

There's the "BODY BUILDER".. who, in my opinion, look hulk-ish apart from the green colour, but they are so huge, they don't seem to have a head (I know you know what I mean). There they are with their big built bodies in some sort of THIN STRAPPED singlet. I HONESTLY do not appreciate looking at your nipples! Yes. They might think that they have a huge chest, but seriously.. Keep your spots to yourself.

Then.. we have the "NARCISSIST". They hog the MIRROR after ONE set of biceps or abs or arms, thinking that they might be more ripped and larger after one set. COME ON dude.. Get real!

We next have the "GRUNTER".. You know.. the ones you hear all the time, grunting at every lift. It's understandable if they're pumping REALLLLLY heavy weights, but if you're barely pumping any iron then I really don't see the point. What's even worse is if they're grunting to hard and you realise that their form is wrong and they aren't pumping right. like.. What's the point?

And let us not forget the "GRUMP".. often more elderly women (sometimes men) who are perhaps in some sort of Mid life crisis and just appears to be angry all the time, giving you the stare and once over. -_-" perhaps what you need isn't a workout, but social therapy.

Now you know why I love the gym? Of course, there are more or less "Normal" people in the gym too. (if you consider me as one). I'm sure someone would have something to say about my type of workout and frequency, but hey, if it makes your day, I don't mind! 

And why I love the gym too.. Is cause that's where I met Sherwin. =) I like it too that we occasionally meet there even after he started work. I like how we both enjoy working out! (just saying!)

I received one of the most heartwarming emails today, it was from my tutor and along with it, he sent me a poem by Rudyard Kipling - IF. Here's sharing it with you.


IF

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son! 

Five minute life updates!

For some strange reason, I feel like things in Australia change really quickly, sometimes faster than I can remember. That being said, I'm not talking about the developments in WA (which is practically going at snail's speed), but the events and occurrences in my life. Life seems to have just flown by, one and a half years isn't exactly a short amount of time, yet it seems to go by so quickly. Perhaps that's what they mean when they say good times are usually short, cause I truly am enjoying myself here, I'm truly loving every moment I have at dental school. Though I have to say, it is tough and rough, but it's only gonna make me buff (alright, this is quite bad). BUT.. it is making me buff.. figuratively and literally speaking. 

More importantly, I think I realize how much I appreciate my friends back home. The girls from church, Elaine, Jasmine and even my dudes are so dearly missed. I miss friendships that were not solely built on circumstances. Don't get me wrong, I love my core group of friends here in Perth too, my church mates and the dent gang are just blessing my life with extravagant experiences, not to mention, my special someone who doubles up as my soul mate too. :) 

Yes. Things have changed, for better or for worse, only time will tell. I honestly am confused about the situation or whether or not there is one to begin with. I am at a point in my life where I just don't seem to have the spare strength or energy to seek clarification or purpose. I no longer see a point in pursuing a friendship that does not mean anything to the other party. I've tried, but it's going to be just another seemingly transient relationship, then it's not one that I'm going to pursue. I'd rather build my friendships on the solid foundation of trust and love then to be in one of mistrust and speculation. 

So much for "friends forever".

Oh well.. On a lighter note, I met his parents a couple of weeks back. I was SOOO NERVOUS! You can only imagine the horror in my head, according to him, I was so tight lipped. I'm hoping (fingers crossed extremely tightly) that they'll be happy with his choice and that they'll know that I'm here to not only love their son, but to love them too. Right now, I'm just really blessed to have him in my life, at least I know there's someone who understands me and is there to hold my hand and catch me when I fall. After all.. He's the reason why I fell ... in love... in the first place. :) 

Born and bound to be no more

For the first time in 24 years, I've been challenged to rethink my concept of intelligence, of innate abilities or in short, the idea of "it's all in the genes". I've been reading a book called The Genius in All of us - David Shenk, I'm 50 pages in and I am half delighted that part of what I believe has been put into words and yet I know it shakes the other part of me that subconsciously categorizes.

Streaming, IQ tests, admission tests and all of the others that we have used to determine someone's intelligence, or rather, innate intelligence and in turn, whether or not they are "worthy" of admission, has been used to shape society, the way education systems work around the world, the way we categorize our children at the very young tender age. I know in Singapore, we fall into the fallacious world of genetic categorizing. Our ex-MM Lee used to believe so strongly that everything is genetically predetermined, having (with all due respect to him) the audacity to think that people of higher intellect should marry people of the same intellectual class, and hence have more children, so that we can produce a society that is genetically more intelligent.

I find that theory flawed. Like David Shenk and many geneticists, I don't believe that nature determines personality traits and capabilities. Genes are not independent of the environment we live in, genetics and traits are not solely predetermined when our parent's gametes meet, when crossing over occurs or when our genetic differentiation and specialization takes place. Yes, I have to admit though, that genes code for the proteins that would make up and form our traits, BUT, genes first interact with the environment to produce these proteins. So essentially, what I'm trying to say is that the so called "innate traits" that we have are not a sole product of genes, but an interaction between the environment and the genes to produce traits.

What does all that mean then? It means no one, absolutely NO ONE is born for mediocrity, no one is born incapable. Yes, you'd argue with me that there are genetic mutations like down syndrome or huntingtons, but we cannot discredit this thought by basing it on the anomaly of 5% of mutations. As illustrated in the book:

"'A disconnected wire can cause a car to break down,' explains Patrick Bateson. 'But this does not mean that the wire by itself is responsible for making the car move.' Similarly, a genetic defect causing a series of problems does not mean that the healthy version of that gene is single-handedly responsible for normal function"


My point is, are we falling into the misconception that what we're capable of has been genetically predetermined? If my parents and brothers are not athletes, does that mean I'm destined to not be one? It is the lack of an encouraging environment for sport from a young age that results in me being physically not as capable. The environment did not DEMAND of my body, or in this case, my genes to produce proteins and hence traits for sporting abilities.

Why is it that some families are a family of doctors? Is it cause the kids are just born naturally smarter because their parents are? NO! It's because the environment the family has created for the child was conducive, they were brought up in an environment that stimulated their child in certain ways. The child's vocabulary for medicine would be far superior than their peers, through day to day conversations, children pick up knowledge and even at a very young age, they are stimulated to think, to understand. The environment they were brought up in was probably the reason why they are more inclined to medicine and hence do better, and not because that they are genetically born smarter,  they are just more well exposed and developed.

Here's what I got out of 50 pages, that our potentials are limitless, we, society and our environment place limits on ourselves. We have been ingrained to believe what society believes. We have to break free from these categories and challenge ourselves to stretch our abilities and to not deem someone "less intelligent" by their vocation, or their course of study or to think that someone is "smarter" by virtue of what they do or study. We have different capabilities that have been formed from an environment though dynamic development, static development should be crowned a fallacy. In a way, we are what we demand ourselves to be.

I'm challenging myself to break free from what I have been taught to believe, that I'm only good at my hand skills, that I'm not good with books, that I'm not physically capable/fit cause I'm not genetically born to be so. I want to break free from these categorizations, these, in my opinion, are bondages that I've been brought up to carry. To be a better me, I have to break free from these limitations, because I can never know my full capabilities if I'm constantly bound by limits.

Would you join me in the quest of fulfilling potentials and stretching of abilities?

One of those nights

Feeling a tad emotional today. Not the PMS kind, neither the moody grouchy kind and I doubt it's because I'm hungry. When Antonio opened in Merchant of Venice "In sooth, I know not why I am so sad", at least now I can comprehend his frustration at his lack of understanding of his emotions.

Do I believe in love? should that question be.. How much do I believe in love. I do, infinitely in God's love. I don't know how much I do when it comes to friends, to partners.

I do wonder, not because I don't believe in love, I just don't have enough faith in man's flimsy hearts.

I don't know, perhaps even in a setting like a college, living with 160 people, you can still feel alone. I can be among friends, surrounded by crowds, yet I still feel alone. Am I in that phase of life where I'm looking for companionate love? I reckon so and I really hope I've found it.