It's really interesting how the mind changes with age and experiences.
It's interesting when I go onto facebook and scroll through the newsfeed and see something new about an old schoolmate. You know, the one whom you found really cute in school? Or about the popular crowd at school or about that cool chick that you always wished you were? And it's such a bizarre feeling when I look at them now and just wonder why I ever EVER had the slightest bit of admiration for them. Rather, those who were cute.. are.. NOT so cute now. You know, they seem to have gone past their peak, their peak was in secondary school or JC, but they've stagnated. It's weird how I would have wished to want to be in their shoes, even for awhile in the past, but right now, I'm happy I was neither riding on their coat tails or swooning over those boys.
Perhaps I was a rather odd one. You know, the awkward girl (I still am), keeping her head down and never wanting to attract attention.. The one that never broke the rules, the teacher's pet, the one that went straight home from school and had tonnes of tuition. The girl who never wore her skirt above her knees and never tried to modify her uniform to look cool. The girl who embodied the exact definition of uncool. Yea.. I am that girl, I was and I still partially carry her in me.
I don't know how much of that my friends actually knew. Perhaps I am not as weird or awkward as I think myself to be, but oddly enough, I am silently proud of who I am and what I stand for. I never found pleasure in being like everyone else, I never found joy in being one of the "mean girls" and moving up the social ladder at the expense of someone else. I'm not the nicest person on earth, but at least I know, I try to be. I wonder what kind of people some of my peers have become? I wonder what their pursuits in life would be?
If experiences in life shape your choices and your destiny, then I truly do wonder what kind of choices they would make in their life. What would they do to get what they want?
I know I will always be that slightly socially awkward person, but I know I will be one who would be there when you truly need a helping hand, the awkward girl who would sit and listen to you, laugh and cry with you. I'm not the nicest person on earth, but I know everyday I try to be as Christ like as I can be. I don't really know what got into me to write this post, but I guess things have become quite sour amongst a few cliques in dental school and I feel like i've been thrown back into Secondary school again. It's just a recollection of these emotions again and realizing that some people are just the same, in Aust or in Singapore, or in any part of the world.. There will always be THOSE people, the "popular", catty, bitchy bunch, and there will always be the socially awkward me.
